Young Writers Society

PROLOGUE

It had always been there for as long as I could remember. Frail, yellowing lace hung limply at odd angles at every window.
Nothing had ever been done to that place. Even the mouldy, stale toast, was still laid out on cracked china for breakfast as it had been fifteen years ago. Or so I was told. The bed in the master bedroom was still unmade, although the once fresh white sheets were now moth-eaten. Everyday a new layer of dust would settle un-disturbed on every floor. It didn't mean anything to me. But it would.
I lived on Earth once. Just once. I only had one chance to live my life the right way-and i failed.
My name is Eiyah, and I am one of them. A shadow of the Past. A shadow they will never forget. Not ever…

It always mattered whether or not you were cool back then, when i was alive. And, as always, what was bad was always cool. Taking drugs. Smoking. Shoplifting, stealing cars, and of course, burgling the ‘Rich’ or the ‘Well off’ people around the neighbor hood. It was like a club. the cool gang in town. They controlled everything. The kind of club everyone would have killed to join. We had a bigish house, though thankfully it wasn’t quite big enough to attract the attention of the cool kids. I wasn't in that gang. I could have been- I had the chance. But i didn't take it...


CHAP 1


‘So Eiyah. Can you do it? It’s not hard…you’ll be in after that Eiyah. The last test. You can do it.’

I hesitated. What if she got in then got scared and wanted to back out? You can’t just hand in your resignation to this club. It’s a lifetime of service or life gets difficult for you. Mum’s warning rang in my head:
‘Stay away from them Eiyah. Those kids, they’re nothing but trouble. You’re much better off with Melanie and Anna.’

I pushed Melanie and Anna to the back of my mind. ‘You don’t need then anymore’, she told her self.
‘Really?’ Asked a voice in my head?
‘Really.’ I said firmly. Leon lit the match and the flames danced before me and I swallowed. It was the middle of the night, and everyone had met here, for my ‘initiation’ into the club. Don’t get me wrong I was exited, but something told me that all this was just too good to be true…

‘It’s easy.’ Chantal said, ‘No-one will know it’s you! Trust me. We all did things like this.’ Leon grinned and tossed then matches onto the wooden porch. In seconds the whole thing was up in flames. The fire alarms in the house were starting to go off.
‘ We should go-what if we get caught here?’ I said anxiously.
‘Nah.’ Ben laughed, ‘Let’s stay and watch it burn!’
‘They’ll find out it was you! You’ll all get into so much trouble for this!’
‘Who said anything about us? It was all your idea! You threw the match!’ Said Sasha puzzled. I just stared mouth open.
‘NO! It was Leon! You all saw him! STOP LAUGHING!’ I cried out in frustration.
‘I didn’t throw no match! She is accusing me of trying to burn down someone’s house! I don’t think we should let her in this club after all.’ There was a murmur of agreement around the group. I suddenly felt sick.
‘You’re going to tell! You’re going to drop me in it!’ I said horrified.
‘Now why would we want to do that?’ Sasha asked sweetly. Her eyes glittering. A siren sounded in the distance.
‘Woops-better be off. That’ll be the fire engine!’ they all jumped up, ‘don’t get into too much trouble now will you? Cos’ we’ll be watching you from now on-Don’t want any more houses being burnt down.’ Leon laughed and they ran off down the road, leaving me alone.
The head of our school’s house was on fire. And I was going to go down for it.


CHAP 2

I crept back into my house and into bed. I didn’t bother to get undressed. Just lay under the covers trying to think of a way out. I’d tried to back out of their gang. They’d given me a chance and id left it. They weren’t going to let me get away with that.
I could just deny I’d ever been there. But one against four or five of them wasn’t going top be too convincing. Then again, it was them with the criminal record. I sighed. I wished that for once when mum gave me good advice, I’d listened. And not just brushed it aside, with a smile and a
‘Don’t worry mum. I wont get into any trouble.’
I closed my eyes and prayed to God. Hoping he would at least understand. I hadn’t done anything. I didn’t throw the match. He knew that didn’t her? I never used to pray. I never used to believe there was a god. But now when I truly needed one, I turned to him as a last resort. What kind of person did that make me? Maybe I didn’t even deserve to have my prayers answered. Finally I managed to drift off to sleep, somewhere near Dawn. But it was only a few hours before I woken up again by my alarm clock to get ready for school.
As I walked into the classroom, that morning, everything seemed to go silent. Everyone seemed to have been talking until they saw me. Like when you’re talking about someone and then suddenly they appear out of no-where, and your friend has to stamp on your foot to shut you up. I heard definite whispers as I walked passed people
‘That’s her’
‘ I heard she burnt down Miss Hazels house too, and that’s why she isn’t in either’
‘Chantal says she threatened to burn down their houses too if she told’
‘I can’t believe I was always so nice to her!’

I walked defiantly passed them until I reached Anna and Melanie were sitting.
‘Hey guys! Had a good weekend?’ Anna mumbled something about it being all right and Melanie just shrugged. There was an embarrassed silence. I realized in horror that they must believe all these rumors too.
‘Listen,’ I tried desperately, ‘I didn’t do any of the things people are saying I did. You know I wouldn’t hurt a fly! You have to believe me! They all just want to get in trouble-but I swear I didn’t do anything! Come on guys you know me!’ Melanie got up and looked at me coldly.
‘We used to know you Eiyah.’ She stalked away, Anna following closely, and went to sit with Hannah and Jenny. I put my head in my hands. It was all going just like I thought it would, and now I didn’t even have my two best friends behind me. It got worse.
By lunchtime, the entire school seemed to know about it. People whispered as I passed, and the teachers all ignored me.
It was a relief when my mum came to collect me early to take me to a Dentist appointment.
When we go in the car however, instead of taking left and going towards the dentist’s surgery, we went right, and 10 minutes later pulled up outside our house.
‘I thought we were going to-‘
‘Don’t talk to me!’ My mum snapped, ‘Just be quiet. Don’t you think you’re in enough trouble as it is?’ I just stood there and started at her. My mum never ever raises her voice. She can get annoyed, but she’s NEVER shouted at us.


NOTE- i know this doen't sound like fantasy really but it wil be when i get to the point of the story.

This grabbed my interest. Not because she's dead, more because of this:

It had always been there for as long as I could remember. Frail, yellowing lace hung limply at odd angles at every window.
Nothing had ever been done to that place. Even the mouldy, stale toast, was still laid out on cracked china for breakfast as it had been fifteen years ago. Or so I was told. The bed in the master bedroom was still unmade, although the once fresh white sheets were now moth-eaten. Everyday a new layer of dust would settle un-disturbed on every floor. It didn't mean anything to me. But it would.

For some reason. It reminded me of all the houses I've been to the smell like stale toast and have yellowing lace everywhere. So that's good. Good description, and it got me interested.

I don't know if you should give away that's she's dead in the prologue. I mean, you can, and it'd probably work out fine, but I wouldn't if it were me. Because then when people read the story, they'll already know how it ends, with her dying. Unless it's needed ... I suppose I'd have to read the whole thing before I could say if it seemed wrong to give it away then. So I can't reallyt judge, but that's what I was thinking.

I hesitated. What if she got in then got scared and wanted to back out? You can’t just hand in your resignation to this club. It’s a lifetime of service or life gets difficult for you. Mum’s warning rang in my head:

This is very confusing. The story seems to be writing in first person, but there, and in a few other places it seems to make this little jump to third person and back. The whole thing should be in one "person".

I pushed Melanie and Anna to the back of my mind. ‘You don’t need then anymore’, she told her self.

Here it is again. Very confusing.

Leon grinned and tossed then matches onto the wooden porch. In seconds the whole thing was up in flames.

Nah, it'd need some kindeling to go up that quickly. It's very hard to light a wohole lot of solid wood from a match. If it was soaked in petrol, or other flammable liquid, then sure, up she goes. But you ca't just chuck a match at a log and expect a camp fire, it doesn't light, you need paper, or cloth, or little sticks (or petrol) to catch first.

But it's a good story. Intriging. And it's good how you made it that everyone thinks she did it, even though we know she didn't, and not even her mother believes her. A story is about people dealing with their problems (which is conflict) and you sure gave her problems!

Hey there. i really loved your story. your prologue is what drew me in. i loved the way you had described that old house. it made the story sound really interesting and somewhat mysterious.

i thought you had done really well, but i had gotten a little confused with who was really saying what in the story, or when she was thinkin something in her head. but then again, it just might be the formatting it was in, nothing you can do about that. in some places, not very many mind you, i had gotten slightly lost in what was going on.

i still really like it and can't wait to read more. i can't wait to see how it will turn out more fantasyey.

- little_angel_fire
i do hope i helped you out. though, in my opinion, you don't need much help. though, that's just my opinion. Bye bye!

ok i havent beenon here in ages cos our computer broke. yeah i get the point of the porch on fire thong- i need to do something with that. the thing is im going to have to re-writemot f what i did because it was saved on the other computer and then when it broke it got deleted. you'll just have to bear with me while i get it together. i might re-write the whole thing woth some of the pointsyou both said!

thanks again!