Don't bother reading the rest, lol. It's all gonna change soon enough. Maybe next time I'm here at the library I'll post new versions. I wish I had more time here...
I read everything and I have to say Its quite good. I won't start pointing out grammar mistakes because you've already said that you're going to change it. I got a bit confused because Bob didn't know what Dhamphir meant, and then he did in the next chapter?
You need to develop Bob's character a little more. I'm guessing he's the most important character in the story so you need to have the readers experience his feelings at the moment a bit more. You did this really well in the prologue I have to say.
One last thing, the story is a slightly rushed. Try to slow it down a little bit and it should be perfect! This is a interesting story and I look forward to reading more!
There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world. — Terry Pratchett
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Reviews: 126