SoullessPreface (Redo)

PREFACE. - THE INNOCENT RIVAL.

The figure that emerged gracefully from the shadows was outlined in midnight black silk. Even though I knew everything about her, every vile trait and skill, her beauty was enough to fool me into thinking she was angelic. The way her face was perfectly reserved, showing no emotions whatsoever, looked as innocent as a naïve child. It was impossible for someone that looked this pristine to be so immoral. Inevitable.

But that was what she was constructed to do. She was a creature of deception. An entity of treachery. A killer – no, more than that, a destroyer. She was taught to do anything to get to her prey; lie, betray, kill.

The snap of her stiletto heels stopped when she paused ten feet away from me. Her black eyes penetrated my face and her perfect lips turned up into a vicious grin, corrupting her harmless façade. She raised her scythe over her head, and that’s when my previous knowledge was affirmed.

I was looking into the eyes of the incarnation of pure evil.
Death.

Oooh. I see that you put redo, but I haven't read the first one I believe. I like this though. It was a bit short, so it is harder to review. I will try the best I can.

The figure that emerged gracefully from the shadows was outlined in midnight black silk.

I like the line, but it confused me. If she emerged from the shadows, how can you tell she is wearing black? Is it dark outside? Is it light?

The snap of her stiletto heels stopped when she paused ten feet away from me.

When I first read that, I thought her heels broke. Maybe put the tap or a similar word there.

I was looking into the eyes of the incarnation of pure evil.
Death.

I love that! Good job. I also loved the adjectives and adverbs you used. Good job again. ^_^

Frist off, wow. This was really amazing. I loved you descriptions. But like Cat_910 said, it was kinda short so this isn't going to be most detailed of reviews.

First:

The snap of her stiletto heels stopped when she paused ten feet away from me.

This seemed a little weird to me. The fact that she's wearing stilettos was pretty unexpected, considering your build up of her dark, evilness. Is your story set in present day?
Second:

She raised her scythe over her head, and that’s when my previous knowledge was affirmed.

There doesn't need to be a comma here.

And that's it. Once again, I think you did a great job. PM if theres more :3

The figure that emerged gracefully from the shadows was outlined in midnight black silk. Even though I knew everything about her, every vile trait and skill, her beauty was enough to fool me into thinking she was angelic. The way her face was perfectly reserved, showing no emotions whatsoever, looked as innocent as a naïve child. It was impossible for someone that looked this pristine to be so immoral. Inevitable.


But that was what she was constructed to do. She was a creature of deception. An entity of treachery. A killer – no, more than that, a destroyer. She was taught to do anything to get to her prey; lie, betray, kill.


The snap of her stiletto heels stopped when she paused ten feet away from me. Her black eyes penetrated my face and her perfect lips turned up into a vicious grin, corrupting her harmless façade. She raised her scythe over her head, and that’s when my previous knowledge was affirmed.


I was looking into the eyes of the incarnation of pure evil.

Death.



First off, I thought this was great. For something so short, I think you made it pretty clear what your story was about. And I think the two writers above would agree, and they pretty much covered everything I was going to say. But there are a couple sentences I found to be slightly akward. Now it might just be me, but I think these could use a touch up:

*It was impossible for someone that looked this pristine to be so immoral."

I thought maybe for this sentence, instead of saying that looked, you could say who looked (unless you were trying to make this prisitne woman more animal/object rather than human).

And instead of to be, maybe try could be or would be.




*"She was taught to do anything to get to her prey..."

Umm, I don't know the whole story, but did you really mean taught? Or made? Did her creators show her to be the way she was, or was she that way naturally, as if by instinct?


Anyways, I thought this short piece was interesting and I like your style of writing.

haha wowwoww.

Ok hi again, this is me fixing my critique. lol

For the first quote, the to be is fine, just disregard what i said about it. Everything else stands though.