Mist. Mysterious. Mystical. (Chapter 1)

rubberduck · 2008-05-08T07:43:02Z

Mist. Where was all this bloody mist coming from? Cale looked around, disorientated. He didn't recognize his surroundings. "I'm not in the marsh, am I?" he questioned himself aloud. He needed to hear the sound of his own voice for reassurance that he hadn't gone deaf. The deafening silence was too much for him to bear. He sensed death and sorrow all around him. Where was this place? Why did he feel so much pain, anger and sorrow? It confused him. "Is anyone here?" he called out. Someone wailed in response. Finally! A soul! Cale ran towards the direction of the wail. His heart beat in his ears. He could hear his own footsteps and breathing. He ran through the translucent mist and finally got to the source of the noise. He saw a woman, kneeling on the mud, bawling her eyes out. "Excuse me miss..." The woman looked up. Her face was covered with mist. "Bloody mist..." Cale cursed. He tried his best to look at as many features of the woman as possible. She had blonde hair. The same colour as Tendra, his lover. The same length too. Other than that, he saw nothing else of the woman. He took a step forward, "What's the matter?" The mist started to part. " Cale! " Cale woke up, startled. "Bloody hell..." He looked at Tendra, "What's your problem?" It was just a dream. He sighed in relief. "I heard you calling out, excuse me, miss! and cursing too. You said some other things too, but you were mumbling so I couldn't hear. I thought you were having a wet dream or something. So I decided to wake you up." Tendra stood at the bedside, fully dressed. Her hair was wet from her bath and she was glowering at him. Cale blushed, "How could you say something like that in a straight face?" Tendra grinned, "I knew it. I wonder who it was..." " Tendra! Please, don't be so--" "So accusing? It is true after all." Cale shrugged and got out of bed. "What? You're not denying it?" Tendra's eyes widened. "I see no point in arguing with you in the morning. I won't win anyway. What with your amazing nagging powers in the morning and all. I'm going to hunt." Cale took his shortsword from the table. It's a lucky sword, his mum had said when she passed it to him. "Alright, lucky sword... What are you going to bring to the village this morning?" Tendra laughed, "A wild boar would be good!" "A wild boar? Alright then. I'll see you later." Cale planted a kiss on Tendra's lips, "I love you." Tendra watched him go out of their house. She called after him, "Cale!" "Aye?" "Make sure to come home early." "Aye, mum ..." Cale trudged through the marsh's muddy waters. This was where most of the wild boars gathered to have a drink. It was misty. Cale was reminded of his dream earlier that morning. His eyes darted around, trying to spot a woman crying. The marsh had always been misty, but not as misty as it was today. Ironically, Cale was the only hunter in the marsh that day. Everyone else was probably getting ready for the feast to celebrate the Elder's birthday. The wild boar would be a late edition to the feast then, Cale thought to himself. He stepped onto dry land and looked at the state of his pants. He could already imagine Tendra's face when she saw him in the state he was in. He walked towards the end of the marsh. Cale stopped short in his tracks. He could've sworn that he'd heard a grunt. He spun around and faced a large wild boar. It was at the edge, drinking the water. In this country, there weren't many water sources around. Most were surrounded by the village. Elves left water at the edge of the village in a holes that the villagers themselves had dug to serve as watering holes. Lately though, the animals seemed to prefer the water in the marsh. Cale thought it was stupid. Why drink muddy water when they had the choice of drinking the water that the elves left out for them? It was then that Cale realized that the marsh was actually quite a tranquil place. He had never stopped to relish its beauty before. Perhaps the animals liked this place better than the edge of the village? To Cale, the answer was obvious. He'd choose the marsh. A physical environment suited animals better, after all. He stealthily creeped over to the boar. He planned to slit its throat so it could die immediately. His lucky sword had been sharpened just the day before so there was no need to worry about it not going through the whole way. Cale unsheathed his sword. The animal's ears pricked up. "Oh damn." The animal spotted Cale. It bolted the moment it spotted the sword. "Bloody hell..." Cale chased after the panicking boar. The boar had reached the end of the marsh and was breathing heavily. The boar saw Cale approaching it. It spun around and ran off, through the trees. Cale followed it and ran through the trees. What greeted him when he went through the trees was unexpected. He was in a forest. "I don't remember there being a forest here..." he muttered. He remembered that the Elder had told the village not to go beyond the marsh. It was the human's world beyond the marsh. "Oh, damn." He had crossed over to the human world. Cale panicked. How was he supposed to get back?! He then remembered. The boar. Where was the boar? Perhaps if he followed it from a distance, it would head back to the marsh, thinking Cale had gone. Cale glanced around. The air smelt weird in the human world. It smelt of chaos and uncertainty. And he could sense the boar nearby, watching him. Cale sighed and sheathed his sword. He ran his hand through his long, raven black hair, "Fine, boar. You win. Come out and lead me back to the Elf world now please. Before the Elder finds out and I'm screwed." The boar came out from its hiding spot. Elves could communicate with animals. In fact, elves could communicate with anything connected to nature. However, Cale hadn't been using this special ability that he and the other elves possessed. The boar walked cautiously up to Cale. It nudged Cale's hand. Cale petted it in response. "I can believe I was going to kill this intelligent creature..." he thought. He liked this animal, and the animal liked him. It was licking his hand. To Cale, that meant that it liked him, and not trying to taste him or anything. Boars were omnivorous but Cale doubted that elves were on the boar's menu. He told the boar to lead him back into the Elf world. The boar grunted in reply and walked to a bush. It waited for Cale to approach and went through. Cale followed suit by crawling on his hands and knees. He got through and saw the boar waiting for him. It grunted and walked off. Cale yelled thanks and ran off. That special ability sure came in handy in times of need. Cale reached the village and was sweating profusely. He wiped the beads of sweat on his forehead off and took a deep breath. The Elder had a way of intimidating people with his air of authority and gruff voice. Cale knew the Elder quite well because Tendra was his great-great-granddaughter. Cale often wondered how on earth the two could be related. One was beautiful and the other was well, ancient. He was the only elf with the traditional long elf ears. He was the only one in the village who would live longer than the rest with his long lifespan. Elves had long lost their long ears and they were now the size of human's but with a sharp tip at the end. They had also lost their long lifespans. They now lived as long as humans did. However, the elves still had their strong physique. And their superior fighting skills. Cale adjusted his clothes and hoped that he would look fairly presentable. He would run to the house and have a change of clothes after informing Tendra that there would be no boar to feast on. Tendra was seated beside the Elder. Beside Tendra was Lyn, her sister. Lyn was the total opposite of her sister in terms of personality. She was a fencer and was one of the best fighters in the village. She was as beautiful as her sister when she didn't have a fierce expression on her face -which was almost always there when Cale was around-. She seemed like one of those people who were unhappy with the world. But one thing was for certain, she loved her sister. Their parents had died in the war but not before leaving their children in the care of the Elder. Cale reached Tendra's seat, "Sorry for being late." "Don't worry about it. Where's the boar?" Cale gulped, "Well, it was too intelligent to kill and so--" "Just go greet the Elder and get changed as quickly as possible please." A tone of irritation was evident in her voice. Cale nodded. He walked over to the Elder and bowed. He then ran off towards the house to get changed. The Elder watched him run off. He then said, "That boy smells funny." Cale banged the door open and grabbed his clothes on the bed. Tendra had left them there for him to use. A black silk jacket lay on the bed. Cale slipped it on and changed his pants. He neatened up his hair, "I'd better hurry up." He ran back to the feast area. The elves' eyes were widened in fear. Cale looked at them, wondering what had scared them. Cale was standing right behind the Elder's chair. The Elder got off and turned to face Cale. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was red. Cale was frightened by the sight of the Elder so angry. The Elder wrapped his hands around Cale's neck. His eyes flashed with anger. "Wha... What are you... doing...?" Cale struggled to say. Behind the Elder's relatively big bulk, he saw Tendra sobbing and screaming. The Elder suspended Cale up in the air, "You smell of humans," he hissed. Cale's vision was getting blurry. "No... Please... Don't..." With that, the Elder slammed Cale to the ground. And he blacked out.

rubberduck

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Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:37 am

rubberduck says... · Thu Jul 17, 2008 11:37 am

Huh? Who's Cobra? Oh no..

I didn't even know that someone else had this title.
I thought it was original! I was thinking about words related to mist one afternoon and this title came up.

...
Who's Cobra..?

Uh oh.
-Max.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
- Homer Simpson

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rubberduck

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Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:03 pm

rubberduck says... · Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:03 pm

Wait a sec, Cobra has already written somethin with the same title. Are u copying him?

...
Wait.

Alright. I'm standing up for myself right now.

Cobra (who's profile I found) didn't even write anything with this title.
...

Alright. I think I should clarify this.
I went to Arekkusu's profile. I found his friend, Cobra. The guy who I supposedly copied.
This story was written on the 8th of May. Cobra joined on the 13th of July. Along with his friend.

How can I copy a guy who I never knew about till now?
Also, how can I copy something that he hasn't even written?!

My apologies for posting this. I'm fully aware that it has nothing to do with the story that I've written, but I feel that I should really post this. I feel extremely insulted and that particular comment has put me into a foul mood.

A poor guy received a comment on his story that went like this..

You've copied my title and sent a link to your site!!!!!!!!! How dare you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M -(the guy's name)-, not you! stop cheating!

He felt insulted as well. He replied that he didn't copy (which is true. I checked. I don't appreciate people accusing others of plagiarism without proof.).

Oh. And I believe that I was one of those 'cheats' as that guy called some people in one of his posts on a story that his friend wrote. Oh. I really don't appreciate that. I don't appreciate that at all. Nobody would.

If you want to comment on someone's work, please do not write stuff like that. It puts the author in a bad light. I'm sure that people won't appreciate receiving comments like that.

I'm sure you can understand why I feel this way.
Please be considerate of other people's feelings.
If by chance, you come back to this thread and see this, please remember this.

Don't accuse people of copying your work. Even if you have the same title as the author.. You do not own the title. Unless you get a copyright, of course.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. My apologies for my sudden outburst.

-Max.

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman.
- Homer Simpson

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Sorsha2

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Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:38 pm

Sorsha2 says... · Thu Jul 17, 2008 1:38 pm

hmmmm... this is the second item where I've seen Arekusu accusing someone of plagarism....

Just an FYI Cobra does NOT have an item with the same name at all in thier portfolio.

Seems to me like you're just out to stir up trouble/conflict.

And I find it interesting that Aekusu and Cobra share the same avatar pic...

So who is the copycat I wonder?

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Luvzi12

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Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:10 pm

Luvzi12 says... · Thu Jul 17, 2008 2:10 pm

I wonder why that Arekkesu guy did that?

Don't worry, I know you wouldn't plagiarise =D

Your name is not tarnished!

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Snoink

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Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:48 pm

Snoink says... · Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:48 pm

Back on topic, guys.

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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xavia-finch

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Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:59 am

xavia-finch says... · Fri Jul 18, 2008 12:59 am

Moriah Leila wrote:Disclaimer:

He tried his best to look at as many features of the woman as possible. She had blonde hair. The same colour as Tendra, his lover. The same length too. Other than that, he saw nothing else of the woman.

Instead of saying her hair was the same length as Tendra why don't you tell us exactly how long her hair was. And add a little more description to the color of hair. Blonde is very vauge since there are a million shades of it. For example you could write: Cale struggled to see her hidden features. All that he could make out was her shoulder-length platinum blonde hair. The same color as Tendra, his lover. He could see nothing else of the mysterious woman.

I agree with Moriah Leila on most of the comments. The repetitive use of words (e.g. sorrow/sorrow) does need fixing. But on her hair comment i disagree.

Description and detail is good but the word 'platinum' reminds me of a brand new, shiny toaster being sold for half price at an electrical appliances sale. Either that, or a cheap and trashy stripper with died blonde hair, two inches of dark re-growth, dancing on a sleazy pub bar. While cheap toasters and a low-csot lap dance may be some peoples fantasy, I don't think its what your going for.

Leave off platinum.

Sorry about that, my comment got a little bit more coloured than i meant it to be... I don't think it was quite as constructive as i had originally intended.

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Snoink

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Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:47 am

Snoink says... · Mon Jun 28, 2010 8:47 am

Okay! So I noticed you had posted your second chapter, so I figured I would comment on this and then the second chapter, lol.

I don't like the dream sequence. I think it would be better if Tendra just woke Cale up and he tried to describe the dream to her, but she just laughed him off.

I think it's ridiculous that he goes after a wild boar with a sword, even if it's a lucky sword. While I was reading things about pigs ('cause I like pigs, lol) I read that hunters thought that boars were more difficult to hunt than tigers. Wild boars can run 35 mph, grow to be several hundred pounds, have nearly bullet proof skin (really... there have been stoires about hunters who shoot these pigs in the face and they still don't die), can smell and see very well, and can fight fiercely. Let me put it this way: I met a wild boar once. We kept far from him, as far as we could. He was taller than my waist and weighed about 1000 lbs, easy. You do NOT want to get close to them. Armor piercing arrows *might* be a better choice since you're ina marsh.

The ending is too rushed. It doesn't really make any sense.

Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic!

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Kurald

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Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:37 am

Kurald says... · Fri Jul 02, 2010 11:37 am

I was redirected here by your chapter 2, so I think I should give you a pat on the back because ch 2 was a clear improvement over the first.

Still waiting for chapter 3.

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