Mercenary Wings 15

*removed*

I don't think it was confusing; I got it. Tangles, tangles.... Brad and Kiera, Cat and the abducted Annie.

I saw only this:

sokool wrote:His excellent vision enabled him to see every detail clearly, and he smiled as he saw King Raztik, talking to a guard on the front steps of his castle, a boyish grin lighting his face.

Nix the comma.

YYYYEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Perfect. Okay, first of all, I think you kinda slipped magic in there rather nicely. It wasn't too abrubt. I think I liked the thing about the price... Uh, in the begining I don't like how you had Marimamne say, "Cross my heart hope to die." That seems extremely childish and kind of unnessasarry.

I like the thing with the soilders and whatnot. Uh, poor Annie Witcher Bubber... Anyway, at least they got Cat. He he... Okay, thats just about it.

~Pol~

I liked the introduction of magic. I think it adds nicely to the story but poor Annie! Here's a few things I noticed -

"Hello, there, Brad. Nice to see you [s]so[/s] again so soon.

"I'd better wait for Mariamne, see what she has to say..."

Frowning, he swung forward and dangled from a thick tree limb for a moment, letting his body swing gently back and forth until he came to a full stop.

Why didn't you [s]take[/s] bring Brad with you, for goodness sake?

_______________________

Altogether, it's well written and there's a lot of action in this part which you handled well. Great job!