Tome of the Constellations: chapter 4

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Chapter 4

(To avoid confusion, I’ll explain to you now that I’ve just given Niyana webbed fingers.)


They didn’t meet very many travelers on the road, and most of the ones they did meet refused to meet their gaze. Elves were uncommon, yes; you would see them only a few times if you had an uneventful life. But the nymph was a Wayside Horror, something that was feared and avoided. Niyana didn’t resent their fear. In fact, it sort of pleased her. But she did wonder why they would categorize a nymph in the same pigeonhole as a rusalka or a feary dog.

“Why do they fear me?” she whispered to Myles, after one of these travelers. “Nymphs are calm and placid. Don’t they know that?”

“What happened to you?” Rame muttered under his breath. Niyana didn’t hear, but Myles did, and he gave the thief a glare that made him think twice about goading the nymph a second time.

“Well, you don’t exactly fit the nymph norm,” the old man said carefully. “A regular nymph wouldn’t be hidden under a heavy cloak. And they wouldn’t have three dagger hilts sticking out of their boots. If nymphs wore boots.”

Niyana quickly covered her feet with her cloak. “But how do they even know that I’m a nymph?” she said. “My face is covered.”

“You reek from a mile away,” Rame said, regaining his courage.

Myles sighed; he had no doubt that Niyana heard him that time. “Some of these people have just come out of the forest,” he reminded her. “They think they’ve escaped Wayside Horrors, and yet here’s a girl sitting on a horse as if it’s a bucking dragon, holding the reigns with fingers that are white and webbed.”

“Has the forest been corrupted that much?” she said softly. Myles could hear her grief. “Do people really fear it now?”

“A lot of things have been corrupted since the Tome has fallen in Umir’s hands,” he answered gently. “The forest has a mind of its own, and doesn’t like it when a mortal tried to take it over.” His face suddenly twisted into a wry smile. “You, of all people, should know that.”

Niyana chuckled bitterly. “Yes, but the forest wouldn’t have corrupted itself so much.”

Rame snorted. “The forest was always disagreeable. Just like its inhabitants.”
Niyana stiffened in the saddle, and the reigns froze over in her hands, but she said nothing. The horse tossed its head nervously.

“You’re right, Niyana,” Myles said quickly. “King Umir has established some creatures of his own in the forest, and the forest has long since rejected them.”
“Like what?” Niyana asked, her voice calm.

Rame frowned. ”Am I not talking? I’m pretty sure I am, and I don’t appreciate being ignored.”

The frozen reigns cracked in Niyana’s hands. “You’re being ignored because your comments are not worth listening to.”

“I don’t see why not. People should listen to me.”

The nymph raised her head, and through the darkness of the hood, Rame saw her cyan eyes, colder than ice. “Keep your comments to yourself, thief,” she hissed at him. “Anyone else I know would make sure that they wouldn’t have to hear them again.”

Rame shrugged, quietly pleased at himself that he had pushed her to her limit without getting hurt himself.

They rode in silence for a while, the ice over Niyana’s reigns slowly thawing. The sun was setting, blurring the ever-growing line of green that marked the Kirsaid Forest. Niyana could even make out individual trees. The reigns started to thaw a little faster, despite the cooling day.

Rame shifted uncomfortably. “Are we going to spend the night in the forest?” he asked nervously.

Myles sat silently for a while, then said, “The notion doesn’t exactly thrill me.” He turned to Niyana. “Could you stand one night outside the forest?”

The nymph sunk a little into her saddle. “I guess,” she muttered. “Though I don’t see what’s so terrifying.”

“You haven’t been in it since the rise of Umir,” Myles said. “The night was terrifying even before then, but his creatures rule the dark. And they are not creatures to get risky with.”

“And whatever night creatures that were there naturally have been corrupted,” Rame added. “I heard somewhere that he is using the imps there.”

“Thieves and their gossip,” the nymph snorted. “Magicians always use imps. Their simple minds are easy to control.” She said the last words bitterly. “Gives those wretched magicians a sense of power.”

“Is King Umir a magician then?” Rame asked.

“I don’t see how,” Myles replied. “Humans aren’t usually creatures attuned to magic, unless they’re a seventh son of a seventh son.”

“Or daughter,” Niyana corrected, smiling. “But I don’t think that applies to Umir, either.”

Myles chuckled. “No, I guess not.”

As the sun set, Niyana sighed and pulled back her hood. Her elbow brushed the book, bumping it against her side. Despite the charms she had put over the pocket that held it, the magic in it made her shudder. “But isn’t the Tome powerful enough to teach even humans magic?” she asked nervously.

Rame glanced uneasily at Myles ahead of them, nothing but a silhouette against the thick green line of forest that was so near to them now.

“Yes,” the old man answered quietly. “Yes, it is.”

There was a moment of silence. Niyana caught Rame gazing at the book, and even though it was hard to see his expression in the darkness, Niyana had guessed his intentions.

“Don’t even think about it, thief!” she snarled, wrapping her arm protectively around the book-shaped pocket.

Rame started. “I didn’t do anything!” he cried, terrified at her sudden dark tone.

Myles rolled his eyes and turned back. “He won’t try and steal the Tome, Niyana,” he assured her.

“You can never be sure with his type,” she said. “Thieves like him are as unpredictable as animals.”

Rame’s eyes flashed with anger. “I wasn’t even thinking about stealing the Tome!” he snapped. “Why would I need it? I know all I need to know about magic.”

“That’s what any thief would say,” Niyana retorted.

Rame smirked. “See? Thieves are more predictable than animals.”

Niyana set her jaw. “Rat!”

“Demon-fish!”

“We’ll camp here,” Myles interrupted. “I don’t want to get any closer to the forest tonight.”

Niyana gave Rame a venomous glare, making sure he knew she was not finished with him yet. The thief turned away and dismounted, leaving Niyana to figure out how to get down from the horse herself.

Myles swung off his own horse and started leading his horse off the road. “We’ll go a few miles in,” he said. “I don’t think bandits are suicidal enough to come this close to the forest, but we shouldn’t take any chances.”

“Does that make us suicidal?” Rame asked, pulling his light brown gelding behind him.

Niyana was torn between getting off the horse and giving her wounded back, knees, and rear a rest and giving up her dignity by asking for help down. For a while she just rode her horse behind them, but finally, pain got the best of her.

“Myles!” she called, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice. “Could you please get me off of this animal?”

She heard Rame snicker in the darkness, but she ignored it, muttering an oath to get him for it later. If Myles heard it, he didn’t say anything.

Once she was off, Niyana tried to take a step forward, gasping as her knees buckled under her. Myles caught her, but Rame was full out laughing now.

Niyana lost herself. Seething with fury, she threw icefire the size of her head in the direction of his laughter. The elf saw the light and ducked at the last second, laughter dying instantly. The icefire sizzled as it hit the ground behind him.

Rame turned to see the tall prairie grass frozen, giving off a supernatural blue glow. A jagged, icy explosion, frozen in time, marked where the ball of icefire landed. Everything within a five foot radius of it was frozen solid, even a small field mouse that was half-suspended in a scamper for its life.

Trembling, Rame turned back to Niyana and forced a weak smirk. “You missed.”
The nymph snorted and let Myles help her up. “Lucky for you.”

“Stop trying to kill him, Niyana, please?” the old man said wearily. “I didn’t save his life so that you could kill him now. Besides, we both may need him later on.”

“Oh, but the Great Water Demon doesn’t need anyone, least of all a lowly thief,” Rame snarled.

Niyana lunged at him, but Myles held her back, careful to keep her hands behind her so that she couldn’t throw anything deadly at the thief. Her hands were so cold that his fingers stuck to them for the moment, but he kept whispering into her ear slits until she slumped against him and her hands warmed enough for him to let go. He handed the reigns of her horse in her hand. “You go first,” he told her. “You can see in the dark better than both of us.”

Niyana straightened and nodded, but as she passed Rame, the glare she gave him lowered the temperature even more, and the ice behind him glowed brighter, casting her features and sharp teeth in an eerie, silvery blue that made her look frightening than ever. She really did look like a demon, but for once Rame had enough sense to hold his tongue.

His sense didn’t last long, though. He smiled and said, “If you really could see better than either of us, you would’ve been able to hit me.”

It was a weak goad, not enough to anger Niyana sufficiently, but her shoulders tightened. It satisfied him for the moment.

Myles cuffed Rame hard across of the back of his head.

Rame winced from the blow, but it wasn’t the first time Myles had hit him. In fact, he wondered why the old human hadn’t already hit him before now.

“Hey!” he snapped, spinning away from him. “Why did you--?”

“You know what it was for,” Myles said angrily. “Curse it, Rame, you would’ve been dead long before now if I didn’t decide your life was worth saving.”

Rame knew that he wasn’t as angry as he acted. He could hear it in his voice. For a moment, the thief wondered what would really make him tick. It might be fun to try. But the thoughts were gone when he remembered his aching head.

“I didn’t want to be dragged into this anyway,” Rame muttered, grabbing his horse and leading it towards Niyana.

“You didn’t have much of a choice anyway,” Myles reminded him, taking his own grey mount. “You could either go back to that silver-lined cell of yours and find out how long you could live with silver.” Rame could not suppress a shudder. “Or you could go back to the streets, where I found you in the first place.”

Rame shuddered again. “I’d go to the Haven,” he replied, though he knew the answer.

“You know that’s hopeless,” Myles said, his voice gentler. That’s on the other side of the map, and you’d never make it with the king’s men all over the place.” He paused for a moment, then asked, “Speaking of which, what were you doing in his prison?”

Rame snorted. “I got caught. I’d thought that would be obvious.”

Myles chuckled slightly, but didn’t push any further.

Niyana had stopped a while later. “Is this far enough?” she asked when they had caught up. “Because my horse is starting to think so.” As if in answer, the brown horse tossed its head and tugged at its reigns, struggling to get away from her.
Myles smiled at her. “Yes, I think it’s far enough.”

Rame pulled off the bedroll from his horse’s flank and started across towards Niyana. As he passed her, he waved a careless hand and muttered a charm, and a roaring fire burst into flames, hovering slightly over the ground. Niyana gasped and leaped backwards, almost stumbling. Rame snickered, but seeing a hard glance from Myles was enough to quiet him.

Myles unhitched his own bedroll and laid it out by the fire. “How long can you keep it up?” he asked Rame.

The boy shrugged. “Few hours, more or less.”

Myles noticed Niyana had retreated as far away from the fire as she could and sat down, arms around her knees. She was gazing out towards the forest. “Would you like me to get your bedroll for you?” He called.

She started and turned back, as if suddenly realizing they were there. “No,” she answered. “I’ll sleep later, when the fire goes out.” She hesitated, then added, “But if you could somehow give me my water…”

Myles smiled and stood, removing the canteen from her nervous horse and taking it over to her. She thanked him and poured some into her hands, rubbing it into the long gills that ran down the side of his neck. If they were dry for too long, they would glue themselves shut.

Myles walked back to his own horse, opening his saddlebag and taking a few pieces of jerky. He tossed one to Rame and turned to Niyana, who had finished washing her gills and returned to watching the forest.

“Do you want to eat?” he asked.

The nymph turned and wrinkled her nose. “You know I don’t eat meat.”

Myles chuckled. “Sorry. I forgot.” He went back into his pack and came up with a couple of dried apple slices. He walked over to her and gave them to her. She smiled thankfully at him and instantly started her meager meal.

Myles sat by the fire, chewing on his own jerky, Rame had already finished his. He stared at Niyana from across the fire, then said, “I wonder what’s in the Tome.”

Niyana turned abruptly, glaring at him. “No one is seeing the inside of this Tome,” she snapped. “Especially you.”

“He’s summoned so many creatures, used so many spells, he has to take notes,” he said. “Besides, that book is probably so out of date, he’s had to change a few things.” He turned to Myles for support. “There could be some useful information in there. To help the League.”

Myles thought for a moment, then said, “Maybe we will find something useful.”
Niyana scowled, then reluctantly got up and strode towards them. “I don’t like it,” she muttered. “It feels wrong. Not evil or corrupted, just…wrong.”

Myles started at her thoughtfully, but Rame just shrugged it off. “Anything that has been used for evil becomes corrupt,” he said simply.

Still glaring at him, Niyana removed the Tome of the Constellations from her cloak and laid it on the ground. The red leather cover was falling apart, revealing the brown parchment beneath the spine. Its pages were torn and uneven, looking as though something had chewed on them a little.

“Think the little imp got hungry?” Rame tried at a little humor, smiling weakly.

“Stop talking,” She snapped at him. “Before I shove some silver down your throat.”

Rame’s back stiffened in fear.

“Niyana, that was unnecessary,” Myles said.

“Tell the elf that,” she muttered.

Myles raised an eyebrow at Rame. “I have,” he answered.

Rame rubbed the back of his head and glowered back at him.

With webbed fingers, Niyana gently opened the cover of the book, shivering as the magic jumped up her fingers. She opened the book to a random page—and gasped.

It had colorful pictures of imps, demons, dragons, and other creatures not even Niyana could identify that seemed so real, she swore they were breathing. On one page was a painted compass that really worked, another had a drawn diagram of a flying dragon that actually flapped its wings, and another had a map that had a small arrow exactly where they were.

Niyana noticed that Rame suddenly started and was staring at the page, mouth open. “What?” she snapped at him.

The thief pointed at a sentence, but Niyana saw nothing out of the ordinary.
Rame frowned and shook his head. “I must’ve been imagining it,” he said in his raspy voice.

“No,” Myles said slowly. “I think I saw it, too.”

The nymph turned questioningly towards them both. “What? What happened?”
Myles sighed and passed a hand through his hair. “I have no—“

“There, see?” Rame exclaimed, pointing down at the page. “There it is again!”
Niyana quickly turned back to the book, and this time she saw it. Her eyes grew wide.

Underneath a picture of an old magician, a section of the caption exclaimed that he is living unusually long due to some potion and is still alive today. But the sentence faded away, explaining that he had lived an unusually long life. Numbers appeared next to it, showing how many seconds ago, soon to be minutes and hours, he had died.

Niyana flipped through several more pages, where other dates and names and numbers were constantly changing to keep a modern record.

Myles smiled at Rame. “So much for keeping it updated.”

Niyana turned the page and started. She touched a painting of a little white sylvan imp that stared out of the pages with yellow eyes that seemed to glow. Beneath it was the imp’s name, Brizzle, and numbers counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds that the little creature had left on earth, which weren’t many.

“That’s the same thing that hit me, back at the inn,” Niyana breathed.

Myles looked over her shoulder, frowning. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure!” Niyana insisted. “I would recognize him anywhere, now that I’ve seen it clearly.”

“It must’ve been sent by King Umir,” Rame said thoughtfully. Then he waved his hand carelessly. “Doesn’t matter anyway; the thing will be free now in a few minutes.”

Suddenly, as if it heard him, the numbers froze, faded, and reset themselves back to five thousand hours.

Myles frowned. “He must’ve renewed its bonds.”

“Can he do that without the Tome?” Rame asked.

The old man nodded. “If this book is accurate, and I’m very sure it is, he’s had that little thing for quite some time. No doubt he has the procedure memorized by now.”

Despite the magic that fizzed between the book and her fingers, Niyana gripped the book tighter until her knuckles froze over.

“I know,” Myles said, touching her arm. “It’s cruel to keep imps as slaves, especially for as long as Umir.”

Rame snorted. “They don’t care. It’s not like they have feelings, anyway.”

Niyana gave him such a cold glare that the fire between them hissed and shrank. Myles put his hands protectively around the boy’s shoulders.

“If I ever hear you say that again,” she threatened, her voice low and cold. “I swear, I’ll cut off your ears and slice some gills into your throat.”

“No, you won’t,” Myles said firmly, pulling Rame away. “Close the book, Niyana. None of us are going to open it again until it’s in the hands of the League of Peaks.”

Niyana gazed at the picture of the imp for a moment more, reading over the incantations, then reluctantly closed the book.

Rame was still gazing at her in fear, but he called the fire up, bigger than before. Niyana shrank away from it and retreated beyond its heat again, no more than a pale shadow.

Then the thief turned to Myles. “Let me go,” he begged. “She’ll kill me! One of these days she’s going to snap and kill me, like she almost did in the dungeons and just and hour ago, and…by Lamar, she’s tried to kill me several times!”

“Maybe she wouldn’t be so inclined if you could just keep your tongue either behind or between your teeth.”

Rame scowled. “She hated me when she first saw me. She hates me simply because I’m a thief.”

Myles shrugged. “That’s possible,” he admitted. “But you’re not doing much to redeem yourself.”

“I don’t need to,” the thief said. “According to her, all thieves are rotten animals that are not to be trusted.”

Myles smile down at him. “Do you trust thieves?”

Rame started to answer, then stopped, slowly realizing.

The old man nodded. “And they’re your own kind.”

He left Rame to his thoughts, climbing into his bedroll. “Get some rest, Rame,” he said. “Even elves need to sleep.”

Rame gazed warily at Niyana, then climbed into his own bedroll, staying as close to the fire as possible so that Niyana wouldn’t be able to come near him while he slept.
Give me time, i'll crit your work XD I promise.
GO HORACE!
I have some IA on Venus, but I don't know how long it'll last. my com's getting crushed.
"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you."~Carl Jung, psychologist and psychiatrist.




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This piece had a nice fluidity to it, and your style is very good, it keeps the reader interested. But the only thing I noticed is that you used a lot of tags or constantly made your characters make a physical action before talking. Perhaps a bit too much. Here are some examples:


ELven-Maiden wrote:Niyana chuckled bitterly. “Yes, but the forest wouldn’t have corrupted itself so much.”

ELven-Maiden wrote:Rame snorted. “The forest was always disagreeable. Just like its inhabitants.”

ELven-Maiden wrote:Rame frowned. ”Am I not talking?

ELven-Maiden wrote:Rame shifted uncomfortably. “Are we going to spend the night in the forest?”

ELven-Maiden wrote:Myles chuckled. “No, I guess not.”

ELven-Maiden wrote:Rame started. “I didn’t do anything!”



Now I'm not saying they're bad, but just make sure you don't do it too much.

Other than that, great job! :D

-Tony




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Didn't you post this a while ago? I think I meant to critique it but it must of slipped my mind :) :oops: . Lets see...

Rame shrugged, quietly pleased at himself that he had pushed her to her limit without getting hurt himself


My suggestion here is to switch the two bolded words around. It will make this sentence flow better.


Other then that I don't have any more suggestions (except for fixing what magicman said ^_^). This piece flows very well and keeps the reader interested. Make sure you tell me when you post again! See you later!




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Wait, so Myles likes Rame, but keeps hitting him?

And you know how I said Rame has major thrill issues? Niyana has major anger issues. I like the two together; makes things very fun to watch. People, for some odd reason, loooooove to watch people conflict with each other.
Where are we going?



Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.
— Samuel Butler