Young Writers Society

Okay... I'm posting the next chapter because I was asked to. Just as a warning, I haven't looked at this in a little over forever, and this is just being straight copy and pasted from WORD, because I don't have time to look at it right this minute. I'm sure it needs serious editing. I hope you find something to enjoy though...

So, without further ado...

Chapter 9



Distance opened the barn doors. “Wait here,” she told me before disappearing inside. So I did, gazing into the darkness and listening to the sounds within. After a few minutes she came back out holding two fully saddled horses. One was nearly black and the other, nearly white.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?”

I shook my head.

“You’re going to now.”

“Couldn’t we just walk into town?”

Distance laughed. “Come on, Falcon, it’s not that hard.” She handed me the reins of the black horse. “This is Starlight. Say ‘hello, Starlight’.”

I stared at her. “Oh please.”

She grinned. “Just kidding. Now watch me.” She threw the reins over her horse’s head, placed a foot in the stirrup and swung one leg over the horse’s back. Then she was sitting in the saddle. “Now you try.”

“Now?”

“Yes.”

I threw the reins over Starlight’s head and put my foot in the stirrup.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“Always mount with the horse’s head on your left.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay.” Moving to the other side, I mounted.

“Good,” Distance said. “That looked great.”

“Uh-huh.” I looked down at the ground, which now looked extremely far away. “Can I get down now?”

Distance smiled, clearly trying not to laugh. “Not yet. Don’t worry. She’s not going to hurt you. Loosen up a little.

I took a deep breath and relaxed.

“Good. Now,” she sidestepped her horse over to me. “Hold the reins like this.” She showed me her hands. I carefully arranged my fingers to copy her. “To go, squeeze gently with your heels. To turn right, pull on the right rein. To turn, left pull on the left rein.” She demonstrated each thing as she said it. “To stop, pull on both reins. Understand?”

“I think so.”

“Okay. Than try it.”

Slowly, I squeezed Starlight’s sides, circled her around Distance and then pulled the horse to a stop.

“That was really great.”

“Sure it was,” I said sarcastically.

“It was. Not let’s ride around the barn. We started, Distance calling out corrections to me as we went. We rode around the barn once and then again. Then we rode around the barn and the house. Before I knew it, two hours had passed and I’d fallen off at least twice. But I actually found myself enjoying it, despite the fact that I was bruised and knew that I would be extremely sore the next day.

River came out and Distance and I stopped to talk to her. She handed us a full glass of water.

I drank it quickly, suddenly realizing just how thirsty I was. “Thanks,” I said, handing the empty glass back.

“You two had better be going soon,” River said. “I don’t want you out too late.”

“Right,” Distance agreed.

River handed me a cloak. “You’d better wear this to cover your shirt.” I nodded and threw it around my shoulders.

Distance looked over at me. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah.”

It was at least half an hour before we got into town. And when we finally did, I felt very strange. Everywhere around me there were houses and shops. None of them had vinyl siding or flashing neon lights, they were just plain brick and stone buildings. There were no street lamps, telephone poles, or fire hydrants. There were no cars, trucks, buses or any of the noises that they made, just human voices and the sound of Starlight’s hooves striking the cobblestones.

The people walking past didn’t wear tee-shirts or jeans like the Surface People, or anything that remotely resembled the Ciani’s clothes. Women walked past in long dresses belted at the waists. Groups of girls my age and younger wore brighter versions of the women’s clothing. A few of the more adventurous girls wore clothes much like Distance’s. The boys and men wore pants and loose-fitting woven shirts with long, full sleeves ending in a cuff. Most people were dressed in browns and blues with the occasional green, black or white.

It seemed as if I had gotten thrown into a fairy tale, and everyone had forgotten to tell me. But something also made it feel completely unlike a fairy tale. I couldn’t tell you what it was, but I knew that this world was real.

Distance dismounted in front of a shop marked “Fabrics” and tied her horse to a post standing by the door. I did the same and we stepped inside.

A woman behind the counter at the other end of the room looked up as we came in. She smiled when she saw us. “Good morning, Distance. I’ll be with you in a moment.” Then she turned back to her customer.

Distance pulled the hood of her cloak back and shook her hair out. “Go ahead and look around,” she said to me. So I did.

The shop was fairly small, or maybe it just seemed that way because of the endless racks of fabric set against the walls and on the shelves throughout the room. There were lots of browns, blues, blacks, whites, and greens, patterned and plain. There were a few reds, yellows, oranges, and purples, but none of them were very bright. But I had to admit that all together they made this room one of the most colorful that I had ever seen.

It was only a minute or two before the woman had finished with her customer and had moved over to us.

“Good morning,” She greeted us.

“Good morning, Aria,” Distance returned.

“And what can I do for you?”

“We need fabric.”

Aria smiled slightly. “I guess that. How much?”

“A lot. We need enough to make a whole new wardrobe for her.” Distance nodded towards me.

“And you would be?”

I lifted my chin to meet the woman’s eyes. “Falcon.”

“She’s my sister,” Distance put in.

“You never mentioned her before.”

“Falcon has been in Cyrden with my uncle for the last nine years.”

I glanced sideways at her, wondering what she was talking about. But Aria seemed to find nothing wrong with Distance’s story.

“Your poor mother,” she said. “She must have hated to send her child so far away.”

“She had little choice,” Distance reminded her. “She could hardly have taken care of both of us.”

The woman smiled knowingly and then began to scan the shelves. “Did you have anything in mind?”

“No, just something that will look nice on Falcon.”

“I think we can handle that.”

An hour later we walked out of the shop with several bundles. Some held dark colored cloth that even I had to admit looked nice on me. Others held lighter colors because Aria insisted that there couldn’t be too much dark in an outfit. And then there were a few small scraps of some absolutely gorgeous materials that Distance said she wanted to show her mother.

Distance helped me strap the packages to our saddles and then we headed back the way we had come. A few minutes into our ride home I turned to Distance.

“Was any of that true?”

“Any of what?”

“The things that you told Aria.”

“What? About you being my sister?”

“No.” I shook my head, laughing a little. “I know that’s not true. I meant the part about the uncle in Cyr— Cyr—“

“Cyrden?”

“Yeah. Is he really there?”

She shook her head. “No. But you have to tell people like her something. They care too much to leave you alone. When I first started coming into town, I tried not to answer her questions. But that just made her ask more. So I made up a life for myself.”

“So you lied to her.”

“It’s not like I could tell her the truth. She is a Rider.”

“Then how can you stand to talk to her? Don’t the Riders want to destroy you?”

“The Riders fear us. They’re afraid that we are a threat to them. But Aria and I aren’t afraid of each other. We’re just afraid of the name assigned to the other. We’re both people, just like the Ciani are people and those that live on the Surface are people.”

“But they still want to destroy you.”

“The Riders want to destroy us. Aria does not want to destroy me.”

ah... the destinction between groups of people and the people themselves... glad to see someone, if only a fictional character, who has got that figured out.

Well, this has gotta be good or I wouldn't have been able to read through all of those chapters in one sitting!

Post more!!!


And I'll look for things I can critique soon, I promise, but so far I've been too busy reading to find things to comment. I did see some typos but they've already been commented on.

*singsoffkey* - yes. I was rather proud of Distance for that. lol.

Kay Juran - *blushes* thank you. But I have to admit, I have a really really hard time going back and rereading this. It's so much lower than what I'm capable of now. But, live and learn, I guess...

I'll post the next chapter soon, since you asked me to.

Thank you!! I can't wait to see what happens next!

Oh, and if you're looking back on this, and thinking how it's worse than what you can write now, don't worry. Trust me, that's not a bad thing! It'd be much worse if you were still at the same level, and you hadn't improved since you started.. Besides, if you're not liking what you're reading now... well, that's what re-writes are for!

Thumbs up so far, anyways. I love your writing style, especially as it's so different from my own. Only thing I would say is that sometimes it can be hard to tell who's talking at some points.

Write on Dusky!!


~KayJuran~

Kay Juran wrote:Thumbs up so far, anyways. I love your writing style, especially as it's so different from my own. Only thing I would say is that sometimes it can be hard to tell who's talking at some points.

Yeah... I've noticed that too. I'll work on it.


Chapter 10

Nights were not quiet there. In the caves there were almost no sounds, just the occasional footsteps of a sleepless person and the gentle sounds of running water coming through my wall from some sort of underground stream.
But here it was different. Crickets chirped incessantly sometimes joined by cicadas. Animals howled erratically. The wind rushed through the eaves and the house itself groaned. I missed the quiet of being underground. I missed every bit of my old life.

I wanted to go back. I wanted to live in the caves again, and to laugh and joke around with Stren. I wanted to see Ready again and for her to bug me while I was trying to read. I wanted to wear my old clothes again.
I stared at the clothes hanging in the closet that River had made for me. They were beautiful, each one a masterpiece that had been stitched with care. But they didn’t feel like me. Standing, I moved to the closet and fingered the clothes, trying to remind myself that I liked them. I couldn’t. They were soft and smooth to the touch, more wonderful than I could ever imagine. But they weren’t mine.

I dropped the sleeve I had been holding abruptly and opened the bag that I had brought with me through the Gate. Drawing my old clothes out of it, I looked at them happily. These were my clothes. Every inch of them was familiar, from the high collars to the stitched images of birds and flowers embroidered on them, and especially the stitched images of Dragons embroidered on a precious few. For while they looked nothing like real Dragons, seeming more like snakes with tiny clawed legs, they tied strongly into what the Ciani really were: Dragon Children, half-Dragons.

Quickly I put my old clothes on, wanting to feel Ciani again. Just because I could, I blew a tiny stream of flame at a candle and lit it. I sat on the floor and leaned back against the bed, closing my eyes. I could almost imagine that I was back in the caves, underground, sitting in my real room, leaning against my real bed. If I focused hard enough, I could hear Stren coming down the hall, bursting to tell me something, ready to—

An animal howled outside, cutting into my dream and breaking it. I was here again, in another world, above ground, in a house with River and Distance. And why was I here? Because I walked through the Gate, leaving my friends, my world, and my life to the soldiers who were attacking them. More than ever I wanted to go back. I wanted to see that everyone was okay. I wanted to see that Stren was okay.

Distance opened the door a crack and looked in. “I thought that you were awake.” She walked in and I wished that I hadn’t lit the candle. Maybe if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have noticed what I was wearing. But I had and she did.

“You want to go back, don’t you?” She asked.

“You’re a mind reader, aren’t you?” I’d been suspecting it for days, though I wasn’t sure why I had asked just then.

“Yes, I am.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“But I didn’t need to read your mind to know that you wanted to go back.”

“But I’ll bet it helped.”

“Yes.”

“What?” I sat up straight in surprise. I hadn’t thought that she had actually been reading my mind.

“You’ve been dropping thoughts all over the place. It’s hard not to pick them up.”

I sighed. For once in my life I missed Steel. She was a mind reader too and she always warned me when I was “leaking”, no matter how much she disliked me.

“This Stren must mean a lot to you.”

“Yeah, he does.”

“And you DO want to go back.”

“There’s no point in talking like this,” I said, standing. “I’m stuck here. They won’t let me go back.”

“What if I could send you? What if I could open the Gate again?”

I stared at her. “You could do that?”

“Only for a few hours, three at the most.”

“But your Mother, she wouldn’t let us.”

“She wouldn’t notice. And there’s no harm in letting you in for three hours. So if she ever finds out, she shouldn’t be too angry.”

“And what about the Riders? Would they notice?”

“No.” Distance shook her head. “They’ll know something is going on, but they won’t know what. The Gate would have to be open for much longer than three hours for them to be able to find it.” She smiled at me. “Think about it. You can let me know what you decide in the morning.” She left.

I didn’t have to think about it. I wanted to go, and I told her that the first thing in the morning. Distance and I both decided that it would be best to wait until the following afternoon.

When the time came to leave, I was very nervous. I was certain that River would see Distance and I trying to slip out of the house and stop. I was certain she would want to know why I was wearing my Ciani clothes. But despite my fears, we left without even seeing River.

When we got to the Gate it looked just like the rest of the forest. Distance whispered something under her breath, closing her eyes in concentration. The Gate began to writhe like a wild animal trying to escape its bonds. Then, slowly, it began to flow between tree and door, like it had when I had first come through. I smiled. I was going back.

Distance turned to me. “Remember, I can only keep it open for three hours. Make sure you get back by then.”

I nodded.

“Good luck, Falcon.”

“Thanks.” I stepped into the Gate. Everything melted around me and then I was back in the caves. Immediately, I knew that there was something wrong: the alarm was still ringing.


* * *


I never expected to see Falcon ever again. In fact, I was beginning to wonder if Falcon, Stren or any of the other Ciani were real. We hadn’t seen or heard them since the first day when we had tried to take them by surprise. And except for the fact that we HAD seen them, I would have been perfectly happy to believe that I had hit my head and imagined that I had met the Ciani. But instead I was driving myself crazy, wondering where they were they were, especially where Falcon was. For some reason I wanted to know exactly where she was. Maybe it was because my father wanted to know so much. He didn’t even seem to care about the rest of the Ciani. He wanted Falcon. But whatever the reason, I spent hours looking for her. However, I never dreamed that she would find me.

When she came around the corner her eyes widened and she dashed back out of sight. She tried to run but we caught her.

I walked ahead of Falcon to the trucks, hearing her struggle all the way. She caught my eye once, just before the soldiers forced her into one of the trucks. There was something in her gaze that I hadn’t expected. There was anger, yes, so much of it that it was hard to see anything else. But this anger was not at me. And she looked at me as if seeing me for the first time as something other than a Surface Person. But what else she could possible see me as, I didn’t know.

The truck Falcon was in drove away as Father began to speak. “Pull the men out of the caves,” he told one of his Captains. “Set a guard outside and send the rest home.”

I turned to face Father. “What?” The Captain moved off to carry out my Father’s orders. “Why are we leaving?”

Father ushered me into a car and told the driver to take us back to the palace. “We accomplished exactly what we needed to.”

“We captured one girl. How can that be exactly what we needed to do?”

“It just is, El.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can’t explain it to you.” His voice was tense and it stopped me for a moment, but only a moment.

“You can’t? Or you won’t?” I hated myself for saying it almost as soon as the words were out of my mouth.

“I CAN’T, Elana.”

The rest of the ride home was quiet. I didn’t say anything and neither did he. I expected the rest of the day to be quiet as well, but it wasn’t. Father insisted on talking to Falcon five minutes after we got to the palace, and there was no way I was going to miss that.”

Falcon was sitting on the floor with her back to us when we came in. She didn’t turn around but she still seemed to know exactly who had come in. Father nodded to the two guards in the room to leave and they did. When she heard the door close behind them, Falcon turned to see me and smiled.

“Some hospitality,” she said pleasantly. “A private room, personal body-guards… what more could you ask for?”

I stared. This not what I had expected. She should have been yelling and ranting, not this. But despite the fact that she was smiling, there was contempt in her eyes.

“What is your name?” Father asked her.

“You already know my name, otherwise you wouldn’t have kept me alive.”

“We’re not killers,” I said.

She looked at me. “No, you’re not. But he is.” She nodded towards Father.

“What is your name?” Father repeated.

She didn’t say anything.

“Her name is Falcon,” I answered for her.

“Falcon?” he questioned.

She nodded. “But some people have been known to call me Erynn.”

Father’s jaw clenched. “Elana, leave.”

I turned to face him, an objection hot on my tongue, but one look at his face told me that it was not a good idea. I walked out and closed the door behind me. Glancing around, I saw the guards stationed some way down the hall. They were far enough away that they wouldn’t notice if I listened in. No one would notice if I listened in. I eased the door open a crack.

“You know why you’re here,” Father was saying to her.

“I’m a threat to you.”

“But NOT a threat I can’t handle.”

“Let me go and I’ll leave and never come back.”

“I wish that I could believe that.”

“You don’t know me. You don’t know whether you can believe me or not. But I will, I’ll leave forever.”

“Valeens have a habit of popping up when they’re unwanted.”

“Forgive me for not dying.”

“The Ciani saved you once. Do you think that they can save you again?”

“You tried to kill me once, before I was even born, and couldn’t. Do you think you can now?”

“Sooner or later the Ciani won’t be able to protect you.”

“You’re right. But I don’t think that I’m the only Valeen that you have to worry about.”

“I’m sorry?”

“She’s smart. How long do you think you can keep it a secret from her?”

“You’re not all you think you are. You’re human just like everyone else.”

“Am I?”

He ignored her and crouched down, bringing his face inches from hers. “Humans can die.” Her eyes widened ever so slightly. “YOU can die.”

Her eyes searched his face and then shifted behind him. For a moment our eyes met. I stepped away quickly, snapping the door shut.

Nothing made any sense. What did the Valeens have to do with anything? They were all dead, none of them had survived the revolution. And yet my father was talking to a member of the Ciani, threatening her, and speaking of two Valeens, acting as if they were still alive. None of it fit together. What did the Valeens, the Ciani, and my father have to do with eachother? Did they have anything to do with me?


* * *


I paced back and forth across my room. My father was definitely hiding something. And I got the feeling that he had been hiding something, or several things, for a long time. He wasn’t going to say anything and I didn’t think that Falcon would either. But I had to find out somehow.

I sat down at my desk. What was I going to do? What could I do?

Father knocked on my door. “El? Can I come in?”

“Yes.”

He entered and I smiled in greeting, quickly shuffling some papers around to make it look like I had been doing something rather than just sitting around.

“What’s wrong?” Father asked.

“Nothing.” I got up, taking some of the papers with me and pretending to put them in one of the drawers of my dresser.

“Something is wrong. You’ve been quiet for days.”

Closing my eyes, I stopped with my back turned to him with my back turned to him. I knew what I was doing was fake and so did he.

“If something is bothering you than just tell me, El.”

I turned towards him sharply. “Who is she?”

“Who?”

“Falcon. Who is she really?”

“No one important.”

“I think that she is important. Why else would you leave after finding her?”

“No, she’s not.”

“Who is she?”

He looked at me for a moment and then turned to leave, shaking his head.

I swallowed. “The Valeens, what do they have to do with the Ciani?”

Father whirled around. “What?”

I knew that I had hit on something, so I repeated the question.

“What would make you ask something like that?” I bit my lip. “You were listening.”

“If you don’t tell anything, I have to find things out for myself.”

“Maybe I don’t tell you things anymore because you don’t believe me anymore.”

“I’ve tried hard to believe you, but you don’t give me any proof. Like about the Ciani, you keep saying that they would destroy us if they could. But I don’t think that they would.”

“I know that you would like to think that, but it’s not true.”

“Then why did they let me go?”

“They must not have known exactly who you were.”

“Oh, believe me, they knew.”

“Elana, I don’t have the time to stand here and argue about this.” He turned and was almost to the door before I stopped him.

“Going to see Falcon?”

Father turned back, trying to be pleasant. “Yes. Would you like to come?”

“Leave her alone. She’s not going to say anything more. You might as well let her go.”

His jaw clenched. “She’s Ciani.”

“She’s frightened. You can see it in her eyes.”

“El…”

“Leave her alone.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right. I don’t.”

Father left without saying another word.

I sat back down at my desk. What was I going to do?

The plot thickens...

Two things: firstly, I don't understand how Elana failed to pick up that Falcon is one of the Valeen. I mean, I know that she sees her as Ciani and the thought would never enter her mind that the two could mix, but Falcon comes out and says

Duskglimmer wrote:“You’re right. But I don’t think that I’m the only Valeen that you have to worry about.”

So, if you want to keep Elana in the dark about that still I think you need to re-write the dialogue so that it isn't so explicit.

Secondly, I feel that Falcons return through the gate is a vital and paramount plot shift. Yet, for its importance it feels a little rushed. The plan seems to just suddenly be developed and executed. Falcon's capture follows equally quickly. You need to draw it out a little. Maybe some inner debate before Falcon decides to go. Obviously she wants to go, but maybe play up some sense of responsibility in that the elders sent her away and she should respect that. And then have Falcon wander through the tunnels a bit before being spotted by Elana. Or maybe Elana sees her a bit before she sees Elana. Outline Falcon's thoughts during this whole ordeal. I know none of these suggestions are very concrete or developed. But, basically what I'm saying is that this new direction for the story needs to be emphasized more.

But I still like this and look forward to where it is going.

Yeah. Most of this is pretty implausible. It needs some major reworking. *shudders* I'll work on it.



Chapter 11



Escaping was almost easy. The King wanted me brought to him instead of coming to me himself. The two guards that were escorting me stopped to talk to one of the King’s messengers on the way and while they were looking away, I turned myself invisible. I am sure that it is very disconcerting to physically feel that you are holding onto someone’s arm and then to look over and see only thin air. Both guards let go immediately and began searching high and low for me, while I quietly slipped away.

I had to smile. Being invisible had to be the most fun I had ever had on the Surface. It was the first time that I could remember being comfortable on the Surface. But it was also very dangerous for the Ciani. People would notice things like noises coming from thin air or things falling over for seemingly no reason. And if news of those things ever made it to the King’s ears, he was bound to link it to the Ciani. It was better to not be invisible at all. So as soon as I felt that I was far enough away from the palace, I turned myself visible again.

Before long I was back at the caves that were so familiar to me. Stren was standing at the door, as if waiting for someone.

“Falcon?” He stared at me as I came closer. “Is that you?”

“Yes.”

“I can’t believe it.”

“What?”

“Ilen said that you were back.”

I stared. How could he have known?

Stren grabbed my hand. “Come with me.” He dragged me inside the caves and through the halls to Ilen’s office. He pushed me inside and closed the door after himself. Ilen and Diren turned from whatever they had been doing and faced me.

“What did you think you were doing?” Ilen demanded. “Did you forget why we sent you through the Gate in the first place?”

I looked down at my hands. “Sorry, I must have missed that part.”

“This is not a joke, young lady,” Diren told me. “If you don’t listen to us, you could put us all in danger.”

“I have been listening. But I don’t hear you saying much.”

“I’m sorry that we can’t tell you everything that you want to know. But you can’t just decide to come back.”

“You’re going back through the Gate,” Ilen said. “And you’re staying there.”

“No,” I said.

Diren and Ilen stared at me. “What?”

“I’m not going.”

“Every moment that the Gate stays open is a moment that the Riders might find it.”

“Then tell them to close it, I’m not going.”

“Falcon…”

“You’ve been lying to me for years and now you expect me to do exactly what you say, no questions asked? I’m sorry. I won’t do that.”

“It’s not safe for you here anymore.”

“Then maybe you should have sent me through the Gate when you first found out who I was.”

“Or at least not have brought her to the palace with you,” Stren muttered behind me.

“Strength,” Diren said. “This is really none of your business. Maybe you should leave.

“She’s my friend. It’s my business,” he countered.

“Why did you take me to the palace?” I asked.

Ilen and Diren looked at each other, but neither said a word. An idea suddenly came into my head and though I didn’t want to believe that it was true, I said it anyway. “You wanted the King to know that I was Erynn, didn’t you?”

“No,” Diren shook his head. “We only wanted him to know that we had Erynn.”

Stren and I stared at them.

“You were going to use Falcon as a bargaining chip?” Stren was just as angry as I was.

“No. We were going to use Erynn as a bargaining chip.”

“What difference does it make?” Stren nearly yelled. “You’re still putting the same person in danger.”

“You have to understand,” Ilen began. He turned to me. “You are our only hope of ever getting ever getting out of these caves at this time. And this may be the last chance that we ever get. The King was never supposed to know exactly who Erynn was. He was only supposed to know that she still existed. We were taking every precaution.”

“I don’t care!” I snapped. “You should have told me before you risked my neck.”

“Falcon! Calm down.”

I sat down in one of the chairs, closing my eyes.

“Falcon.” Diren knelt in front of me and lifted my chin. I opened my eyes and met hers. They were green dragon eyes, flecked with gold, the one thing that made it obvious that she was a Dragon. “It’s going to be all right. Things change, that’s the only way we move forward. This is just one of those changes.”

“But I’m not moving forward,” I whispered.

“Not while you’re fighting it, no.”

“I—”

Suddenly the alarm went off.

“They’re back,” Ilen muttered. He looked at me firmly. “You must go back through the Gate.”

I knew that he was right. I wasn’t going to help anything by staying and it was highly possible that I would hurt something. I looked over at Stren. There was a look in his eye that told me that he didn’t want me to go. But I knew that he understood that I had to, just like I did.

I ran out the door. I couldn’t make myself stand there and say good-bye to him again. I should never have come back. I ran towards the Gate. After a moment I heard hurried footsteps ahead. I ignored them and kept going, nearly running into a blonde haired girl.

I stared. It was Princess Elana. I just started running again. If she was already in, the soldiers had to be inside also. I didn’t have much time to get to the Gate. The Princess ran after me and before I knew it, we were both standing in front of the Gate, me staring at her and she staring at the shifting cave wall.

I had to step through, but she was standing right there and I had no idea what she would do if I walked into a wall and disappeared. And then again, what choice did I have? So I stepped forward into the Gate.

The world melted into absolute white all around me. Something was very wrong. The world of the caves had vanished but the world of River and Distance had not appeared. I whirled around. There was nothing but white. And there was Princess Elana standing a few feet away from me. Slowly, the world faded into blackness.


* * *


River was bending over me. The ceiling loomed above her.

“Falcon, wake up.”

I shook my head a little bit, trying to make the world come into focus, realizing a little too late that it was a bad idea. My head HURT. “What happened?” I asked, sitting up. The world spun a little as I did and I missed the first part of what she said.

“—trying to close the Gate.”

“I’d forgotten about being in the caves, but all of it cam flooding back now; escaping from the palace, talking to Ilen, running from Princess Elana, the whiteness, and Princess Elana being in the whiteness with me.

I looked around. I was back in River and Distance’s house, in the room they had given me. So I must have made it back. But why hadn’t it worked like before?

“What happened?” I asked again.

“You came through while we were trying to close the Gate. If we’d kept in open any longer the Riders would have found it. What in earth’s name did you think you were doing going back there?”

I wasn’t really listening. They had put another bed on the other side of the room. Princess Elana was lying on it.

“Is she a friend of yours?” River asked, seeing where I was looking.

“Definitely not.” I wanted to laugh at the idea of her being my friend, but this was no laughing matter. She didn’t belong here.

“Who is she?”

“Princess Elana Shaltz.”

River stared at me. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

I shook my head.

River looked back and forth between us and then rushed from the room.


* * *


“Please tell me. Where am I?” Princess Elana begged. Distance looked at me, seeking an answer that she could give her.”

I put down the book I was reading. “This is Filnar. We’ve fallen through to the other side of the world.”

The princess frowned. “This is not a joke."

“You’re right.” I picked my book back up.

“Then where am I?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“I just can’t.” I continued reading.

“You’re both Valeens,” Distance said abruptly. I nearly dropped my book as the Princess and I whirled to face her. “Aren’t you?”

“No,” Princess Elana answered quickly. “What would make you ask?”

“Well, your name is Elana.” She looked at me. “And I know I’ve heard my mother call you Erynn.” I turned back around. What was I supposed to say? How could I possibly explain that to the Princess?

“I’m sorry,” Distance said. “I guess I shouldn’t have asked.” I heard her leave and then Princess Elana came and stood behind me.

“Are you Erynn Valeen?”

I turned to face her. “I used to be.”

“What?”

“I stopped being her when I left the Surface.”

“So you are Erynn.”

“I guess so.”

“But how can that be? The Valeens died in the revolution.”

“Obviously not all of them.”

“Are you saying that I am Elana Valeen? Are you saying that I’m you’re sister?”

I stood to my feet to meet her eyes. “You are Elana Valeen no matter what you or I say. As for you being my sister, you’ll never be anything close to that.” I walked out of the room.


* * *


The next day two men came to the door. Distance opened the door for them and River met them in the front room. I was nearby, just sitting and trying to stay away from Princess Elana. I hadn’t ever intended to listen in, but that was what I ended up doing.

At first I didn’t really hear them. But after a moment I head them say Erynn several times and I began to hear they’re voices clearly.

“Are you saying that two came through the Gate?” one of the men asked.

“Yes, Ecthan,” River answered. “Two girls came through the Gate.”

“Why was it even open?”

“One of them was supposed to come. We had arranged to keep her here.”

“Where are they now?”

“Upstairs.”

“Bring them down.

A moment later River came to get Princess Elana and I and brought us downstairs.

I knew as soon as I saw them that they were Dragons. Everything about them screamed of Dragons. Both were tall and light haired. They stood proudly, exactly as a Dragon would if it were in it’s own body.

“Where are they?” one of the men asked.

“Yes, Ecthan.”

Ecthan looked me over. “You were the one who was supposed to come.”

“Yes, sir,” I said.

“What’s your name?”

“Falcon.”

“You are one of the Ciani?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why did you come through the Gate?”

“The Elders decided that it was too dangerous for me where I was.”

He stared hard into my eyes. “You’re name isn’t really Falcon, is it?”

“I’ve been called Falcon for the last fourteen years.”

“What would you have been called if you lived on the Surface?”

“Erynn. Erynn Valeen.”

“Erynn Valeen?” Ecthan turned on River sharply. “When were you planning on telling me this?”

“She needed to get out of there,” River told him. “The King knew that she still existed, and even knew her by face.”

“Why?”

“They were trying to get something to bargain with.”

“They showed her to him.”

“Things went wrong. Things weren’t supposed to happen like this.”

“Idiots!” Ecthan muttered under his breath.

“They were trying to help themselves, River, and they made a mess of it as usual.” Ecthan looked over at the Princess. “And who are you?”

“Elana Shaltz,” she said, raising her chin a little.

“Why in all the stars are YOU here?”

“I was following Falcon.”

“What were doing anywhere near her?”

“Ecthan,” River interrupted. “It doesn’t matter how she got here, but that she got here. And the fact is that you must take the both back to the caves with you.”

The other man spoke for the first time. “You know that we can’t do that, just as well as I do.”

“It’s not your place to say that, Arek.” River looked expectantly at Ecthan.

He shook his head sadly. “You know we can’t. You’ll have to keep them.”

“But we can’t. We have enough trouble with the Riders when there’s only two of us.”

“You were willing to take her before,” Arek said pointing at me.

“For a few weeks. Then I was going to bring her to you.”

“So just send us back through the Gate,” I said.

River looked at me. “Ilen made it clear that we couldn’t do that. And even if he would let you do that, we can’t open the Gate again so soon without attracting the Riders’ attention.”

“The what are we supposed to do?” Princess Elana asked.

“They’ll have to leave,” Ecthan said. “They’ll have to go north, towards the mountains, and find someone else who can take them in.”

The Princess looked back and forth between them, obviously not liking the idea.

“They must leave tomorrow,” Arek said. “And no later.”

River nodded and Ecthan and Arek left. Princess Elana ran up the stairs, leaving River and I alone.

“What did you do it?” I asked.

“I’m sorry?”

“Why didn’t you just tell Ilen that you couldn’t take me?”

“Where do you think you would be right now if I had?”

“Not here.”

“We can’t change what’s happened, Falcon. You and Elana will just have to leave. I’m sorry.”

I looked at here for a second and then left.

In my room, Elana was sitting on the temporary bed that River had put there for her. She had a set of headphones on. Beside the bed was an open backpack with all sorts of things spilling out of it; CDs, clothes, and other such things.

Princess Elana took her headphones off as I came in.

“Where did you get all this stuff?”

“I brought it with me.”

“Why would you have all this with you?””

She mumbled something.

“What?”

“I was running away. I didn’t think that anyone would ask questions if I disappeared near the Ciani.”

I stared at her. “Don’t you realize that they would have blamed us?”

She looked down. “Yes.”

“I can’t believe you.”

“But you’ve already been blamed for so much.”

“Then we don’t need any more, do we?”

“I’m sorry.”

“You should be.” I turned and left.


* * *


The next morning Falcon and I left. River and Distance gave us food and blankets, even their horses, Lidda and Starlight. I was frightened, but I think I would have been fine except for the fact that Falcon was not talking to me. And it wasn’t just to me, Flacon didn’t speak to Distance or River the day before we left either.

Falcon was silent for three days, leaving me to ride ad think. So by the time those three days had passed, I had quite a few questions. I had made up my mind that I WAS Elana Valeen and that she WAS Erynn Valeen, that was the only way that things made sense. But that still left a lot to be explained.

“What are the Ciani?” I asked one night as we were settling down to sleep. Well, I was settling down, she had already settled and was nearly asleep.

“What?” She turned to face me.

“What are the Ciani? What makes them different?”

Falcon turned back. “You wouldn’t believe me.”

“Why not?”

“You just wouldn’t.”

“Not if you don’t give me the chance to, no.”

She was quiet for a moment, thinking or remembering something. Then she propped herself up on her elbows and faced me. “We’re half-Dragon,” she said. “Except the Elders, they’re full Dragon.”

“Dragon?”

She nodded.

I sighed. “If you didn’t want to tell me, you could have just said so.”

“I told you you wouldn’t believe me.”

“You really expected me to? I mean, Dragons…” My voice trailed off as she held her forearm out to me.

Tiny black scales were lined up all over her skin. The firelight flickered across them, reflecting off them as it would off hammered and polished iron.

I stared at her. “You’re a Dragon?”

“Half-Dragon.” She pulled her arm back to her side and the scales dissappeared.

“How did you do that?” I asked hesitantly.

“Magic.”

I looked down. That was too much. My world wasn’t supposed to get rearranged just because I asked a simple question. It was too much. I dropped the subject and laid down. Falcon seemed perfectly happy to drop it as well.

Few typos, but apart from that, I liked this new development. I can really see these characters, the way you write they really *do* seem real. I'll try and do a proper critique later tonight, but don't have time right now. So, will hopefully be done later!