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Freeing A Caged Bird (A Naruto Fan-Fic)- Chapter Two



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Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:06 am
Kei says...



Would appreciate it if you reviewed- either Chapter One or this chapter. If no one's reviewing because my chapters are that dreadful, someone please tell me! :wink: I hope it's not too long- I had to combine it with some of Chapter Three, because Chapter three was seven pages, and by the way it's going, it seems as if it could go on forever.


“Thank god that's over.”

My team and I walked back on the path to the village, our sensei lagging in the back, chattering aimlessly to Kakashi.

“Really? I thought it was fun,” Kiba said, strolling beside me. Akamaru barked in agreement.

I shrugged. “I found it kind of pointless. But at least I won.”

Hinata sighed in the back; I slowed down to put a reassuring arm around her. “It's okay. You tried your best. And Naruto is pretty good, so you have no reason to feel down. You tried, and that's all that matters.”

The girl frowned and spoke to her shoes. “But I... I still didn't win.”

“That's not the point, Hinata. I didn't win either,” Kiba cut in. “You did your best. You couldn't have done any better.”

Hinata sighed once more, and we continued walking. It was getting dark; the moon was peeking out of the clouds, and stars shone faintly in the dark night sky. Yet the village was full of activity; we hadn't reached it, but shop lights were still on, and I could faintly see the outlines of people as they idled and chattered to one another.

Was Neji still behind us? I hadn't said a word to him since the preliminaries. I glanced back, pretending to admire the pinky, silky blossoms of a cherry tree. Yes, I could see him. He was walking with he and his team, their sensei at the rear.

I leaned closer to Hinata, still keeping a wary eye on the group behind us. “Hey,” I whispered. “Do you talk to your cousin much?”

“Neji? Um... no, not really.”

“Why?”

“We don't get along.”

“Oh. You know the field he practices at?”

She was silent for a moment, and replied, her voice unsure as it always was, “the field near our clan's area. You won't know where it is.”

Huh. If I wanted to talk to this guy, if I wanted to battle him, I needed to come up with a plan, and quick. What would I say?

Kiba snickered beside me. “So you like him?”

I frowned. “I... I think he'd make a good sparring opponent.”

“Yeah. Sure.” My friend's bony elbow stuck into my ribs, and I elbowed him back.

“No, I really do. Did you see him fight at the prelims?”

“Of course.”

“And was he good?”

“...Yes...”

“Right. Then don't say anything. Just go with it.”

“And how are you planning to execute this?”

I had come up with something; it would work. “Just watch.”

Kiba shrugged, a goofy grin on his face. “Sure, whatever.”

I slowed down my pace and walked beside Hinata, who lingered in the back. “So...” I began, unsure how to word this, make it sound perfect. “You were close to your cousin, weren't you?”

“Yes...” she answered, looking up hesitantly into my face.

“You miss him, don't you?”

“Yes.”

“You want to be close to him again?”

“Yes.”

“Then invite him to train with you and your team tomorrow.”

Hinata frowned, pursing her lips, confused. “Wh-why are you suggesting this, Kei?”

I tried to hide my snicker. This girl was too easy. “I'm trying to help you.”

“Oh.” the girl's mouth twisted up into a tiny grin, though she still seemed unsure about my intentions. “Okay. Thank you.”

“That's what you're planning?” Kiba whispered. I couldn't read the emotion in his voice. “Is that really fair?”

I sighed. “Look, it might seem like I'm taking advantage of her- but really, I'm not. She said herself she wanted to be closer to him. So it's all good. No problem.”

His tone relaxed a bit. “If you say so.”

“So you heard me. Are you coming tomorrow? I'll meet you at the ramen shop and we'll go to Hinata's house from there. I know where it is. And she'll take us to the fields.”

Kiba sighed, though his tone was still amused. “Fine. I can't believe I'm doing this.”

I turned to Hinata, trying to control the excitement in my voice. “Go ask him. Now, so we'll know when to come.”

Like the easily-swayed girl she was, no questions asked, she turned around and walked over to his group, who still strolled behind us. Kiba and I stopped. I watched intently as she approached him.

The night was silent as we waited. The wind blew gently, rustling the leaves of the trees, tousling my hair. I could hear Hinata's high soprano, and Neji's much deeper voice; it had a formal tone, as it had when I had spoken to him. Was he always like this? So cold, always so sure of himself?

I could hear Neji much clearer now, as his angry voice cut into the quiet of the night. Hinata's head drooped, and she began to turn and walk away- but one of the boy's team-mates whispered something, probably scornful, in his ear. The boy growled at his group member, and this continued on for a while- but suddenly Neji rushed forward, caught her shoulder, and the two of them exchanged a few more words, though his voice didn't sound as annoyed as it previously had.

Hinata ambled back over to us. She was grinning a bit, the edges of her lips turned up.

“So?” I pushed. “Is it on for tomorrow?”

She smiled, showing us a set up pearly white teeth, something she had never done before. “He... he didn't want to at first- I told you he didn't like me. He argued with his team-mates about it. But yes, we're going. At nine tomorrow morning. And his team would like to join us as well.”

I grinned. “Good. Kiba and I will meet you at your place tomorrow at quarter to eight, and you'll take us to the field.”

She nodded.

“Good job,” I told her, enveloping her in a bear hug. “You all better get some sleep, then. We all worked hard today. Kiba, I'll meet you at the ramen shop at seven-thirty tomorrow.”

The boy grinned. “Got it.”

“I'll see you all tomorrow morning, then! Tell Kurenai-sensei to have a good weekend!”

The two of them waved at me as I turned into my road, and as soon as I was out of sight, I sprinted down the sidewalk.

Tomorrow was going to be fun.




The sun woke me up, casting its soft, cheery rays onto my face; it seemed like a good omen for the day that lay ahead.

I sat up in bed, shoving the covers down to my feet, and cheerily turned my alarm clock off. Though I was still groggy from sleep and I definitely wasn't a morning person, I was ready to go- I was excited. Never had I met a boy that I had taken an interest in; yes, I didn't know him well. At all. But I felt a connection to him. Not like family, but I felt that we could get along if we tried.

Slowly, wiping the sleep from my eyes, I set my feet on the cold, wood floor, and stood up. I wandered to the kitchen, grabbed an onigiri from the fridge, and plopped myself down into a dining room chair, grumbling as grains of white rice tumbled down into the lap of my violet pajamas. I couldn't eat too much before I trained or my stomach would get upset. I had tried that before and it hadn't worked too well, needless to say.

Once I was done my breakfast, I wandered back into my room again and changed into my fighting clothes and tied my forehead protector loosely around my waist as I always did. I ran a comb through my tangled, glossy black hair, and studied myself in my full-length mirror, making sure I looked presentable. I did- but if only there was a way to get rid of these freckles. They stood out on my pale face like a sore thumb. Though I had been told they made my mossy green eyes stand out, I had gotten teased about them numerous times when I was younger. They had stopped after age ten, but I still received a few mean glances every once in a while.

Having seen that nothing was out of place, I made my way out the front door, locked it, and strode confidently down the street. The temperature was nice- it was warm outside, but the breeze was cool, and the grass damp from rainfall during the night. Perfect temperature for training.

As I rounded the corner of my street, there stood Kiba, leaning against the Ramen Ichiraku restaurant, which had yet to open. Akamaru stood by his heels, barking in greeting as I approached. Kiba turned his head towards me.

“Hey!” he called as I neared the two of them. “What's up?”

I bent over to pick up Akamaru, who squirmed in my grip, licking my face, and put him in the neck of Kiba's parka. “Nothing. I'm ready. Let's go!”

And with that, I marched forward at a pace that far surpassed the speed of my usual stride. Kiba trotted to catch up with me, a goofy grin on his face. “I've never seen you this excited before.”

“Really? Oh.”

“You know, when you first appeared, I was going to say, 'look what the cat dragged in...'”

I frowned and stopped dead in my tracks. “I don't look that bad, do I?”

Kiba laughed and grabbed my arm, pulling me forward. “No, you look fine. Now hurry up. We're going to be late.”
-Kei
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 6:34 am
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Micheley says...



Okay, first of all,
If no one's reviewing because my chapters are that dreadful, someone please tell me!

it'd definitely not because you're chapters are dreadful! It was super interesting, and I found myself pretty much glued to it :)

Aside that, I found no grammatical or spelling errors. It was interesting, and I think you portrayed all the characters right.

Super great job! I can't wait for the next chapter ^__^
& maybe it's true
We don't know what we have till we lose it
But maybe it's also true
We don't know what we're missing
Till we [find it]
  





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Sun Oct 30, 2011 3:27 pm
Kei says...



Thank you for the review! :)

I was partially just teasing with that "if no one's reviewing my chapters..." remark, but I've posted it on a few other sites, and I was beginning to wonder... :P

Chapter Three should be up within the next few days!
-Kei
  





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Wed Nov 09, 2011 6:03 am
strawberrieamie says...



HMMMM....
this is getting interesting!!!!
and, as your best friend and all, i'm gonna be picky >///<

I bent over to pick up Akamaru, who squirmed in my grip, licking my face, and put him in the neck of Kiba's parka.

I thought this was just a BIT run-on. I guess it would still work if you left it but yeah.
Other than that little thing though, this is really good!!!!
I can't wait for you to post the next chapter!!!!!!
Sorry for the excessive use of my exclamation marks. LOL
And yes, I'm still working on Kei, i barely have the time but i will get the first draft done ASAP.
YER. YER. YER. YER.
^lol so cute!
People are funny.They spend money they don't have,to buy stuff they don't need,to impress people they don't even like.

strawberrieamie
  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:22 am
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Kei says...



Thanks bud ^^ I don't believe it's a run-on but I understand where you're coming from- lots of commas. The reason being I just try to vary the lengths of my sentences so they're even.

Chapter Three should be up within the next few days FOR SURE. So I lied a bit in my last post. Hehe...

No rush with Kei, either. :)
-Kei
  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:19 am
MariaRowlands says...



O_O'! That was better than the last chapter!
May The Blood of my Enemies Flow Like Rivers to the Sea
  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 4:20 am
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Kei says...



Glad you like it :)
-Kei
  





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Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:32 pm
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polkadottiger2 says...



The story is awesome, I love how you describe your characters! For example, we learn about Kei's personality from some of kiba's comments instead of just from usual descriptions. Then of course there are the classic descriptions of appearance, which are well worded and give a good image of the character. Can't wait to read the next chapter!
  








Poetry is a phantom script telling how rainbows are made and why they go away.
— Carl Sandburg