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The Magical Diary of L.L.P --part 10



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Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:59 pm
Mikko says...



Dear Moon,

Merlin's beard! This is a beautiful house! At first it looked a bit scary and dark compared to our old house, but it’s really nice. Mum says it didn’t look like this- that they had to do a lot of cleaning up and removing all the curses that were in the house. She says the toughest part of the cleaning up was getting rid of some portrait (I don’t really remember what she said about that portrait, apart from it screaming every time someone made noise).

I went through the house (starting from the front door since we came through the chimney) and I pretended I was on an adventure in a whole different world.

I started with the long hallway, tripping over troll-leg umbrella stand and looking up at the grand chandelier that hung from the ceiling. Amazing! I touched the old wallpaper that Mum said they had to make it new again because it had been peeling off and there may have been some mould behind it. She says they couldn’t leave the mould because I’m extremely allergic to it.

On one side of the hallway, there’s the dining room. Dad says Uncle Ron utterly detested that room because when they were younger, Grandma made them clean it and it was full of spiders. That’s why he decided to eat in the kitchen instead of the dining room.

And then at the end of the hallway, there are the stairs to go upstairs (because there are also stairs to go downstairs to the kitchen). I hate the stairs. There are some frightening house-elf heads hanging on the wall at you go up the stairs and I can’t stand seeing them glaring at me. They’re really scary! I told Dad and he says that we’ll put some family pictures there instead. That’ll be much better because those elves really are creepy!

Speaking of elves, we have one called ‘Creature’ or something. He looks very old and very grouchy. Every time I walk past him I can hear him whispering some pretty nasty things. If Mum ever heard me, James or Albus saying that we’d get in trouble!

My bedroom is on the second floor. I absolutely love it! Mum says she and Aunt Hermione decorated it and it’s exactly the way I like it! There are enchanted fireflies hanging at the top of each wall that give off light when it gets dark. They’re very pretty, especially when they start hovering in place and giving off different colours. Mum charmed them so that they would switch off just after my bed time. My bed is gigantic! It’s a four-post bed with light blue and light pink curtains that are also enchanted and drape down as soon as I am in bed (like now).

I even have my own writing desk that is also light blue and pink, and has a shelf where I can keep all my books and a box for my other little things. Around the room there are pictures of me, of my brothers, of Mum and Dad, my baby pictures and a large painting of lilies.

Since my bedroom has no window, Mum and Dad decided to put a fake window that actually allows me to see outside without having to look out a window. I don’t get to see cars and things that are actually outside, I only see what the weather is like and what time of day it is. And since it’s a fake window, I don’t need curtains because I can’t see streetlights or car lights or lights from outside- just the sky.

I love it!

My wardrobe already has all my clothes in- my uniform on one side and all my other clothes on the other. Mum says when I’ll learn magic I won’t even have to get the clothes out, they’ll just come out by themselves! I can’t wait to learn magic! I can’t wait to go to Hogwarts!

That reminds me! I have to write the letter to my brothers now. I almost forgot about the letter paper that my parents bought me and that’s in the drawers of my desk. They even bought me brand new feathers and beautiful indigo pots of ink for my letters! James and Albus will be so impressed to see that I’m learning to write with feathers!

I’ll tell them everything I can about our new house so that when they’ll come for Christmas they won’t be too confused.
I also have to tell them about Hugo’s memory, Pentsbury and our ‘new’ Aunt!

This means that I have to sit at my desk. My new desk! I am really excited about this house but I still feel sad about our old one. I’ll miss it very much. I wonder if Xedo won’t get lost when he’ll be returning James’ letter. I wonder if he’ll enter the old house and leave the letter there.

Ok, out of this enormous bed I hop to write that letter before the fireflies turn off.
I’ll leave you under my pillows (because I have many now. I feel like a grown up)!

L.L.P
25/10/2017- later that day, from our new house!

Dear Moon,
Today when I got home from school, I saw Xedo sitting on the living room windowsill with a letter at his feet. It was Jame’s reply to the letter I had sent him on Saturday. I was surprised because compared to Albus’ reply, this one was really quick! I’ll stick it in here just like I did with the other one.

Dear Lily,
I don’t even know where to start! I can’t believe all this news- looks like so many things are happening at home and I wish I were there to live them too! I’m fine, so there’s no need to worry about me. I’m not so sure about Albus though because we’re not in the same class so we don’t see each other often.

Well, alright. First of all we’ve been asking ourselves questions about that Harris Granger guy and now that you and Hugo have discovered that he is in fact Aunt Hermione’s brother, we’re quite shocked that we hadn’t found that out earlier!

You told me, in your letter, that Hugo lost his memory- that he was ‘obliviated’ or something; how is he feeling now? I really hope he’s alright like you said. Don’t worry, if it’s taken such a short period to get him back like he is now, then it won’t be long until he’ll be as good as new.

Speaking of new, what’s with all the changes? New house, new hair cut (?) and you’re even going to school? That’s not fair: Why do Mum and Dad have to wait for us to leave for Hogwarts before they make all these changes?

Actually, to be honest with you, I knew about the new house. The parents told me, during the holidays, that we’d be moving but that I shouldn’t tell you and Albus. They wanted it to be a surprise but since I’m the eldest, they let me know about it. Sorry.

So I have my own room? That’s wicked! It’s about time! And it’s in my two favourite colours: blue and red! When I’ll come home for Christmas I’ll decorate it with some Gryffindor colours and things. And posters of Quidditch players and the Man U team.

That reminds me. Gryffindor won the Quidditch match against Ravenclaw! I caught the Snitch that made us win (just like Dad)! I’ll show you my medal when I’ll come home and I’ll hang it up in my new bedroom! Mum and Dad will be very proud of me when they find out!

What?! You go to school? Well, I’m glad you like it there and that you’ve made friends. Just be careful with the muggles. Don’t slip out anything about magic, because I know that when you get excited you don’t realise what you’re saying. And let’s hope that your friends are not as curious as you are or they’ll squeeze it out of you!

Oh yes, I remember Robert Dursley! I never really liked going to the Dursleys’ because of what Dad used to tell us but I feel sorry for him now that you've told me he gets beaten up. Just make sure you stay away from those mean people because I don’t want you getting hurt.

About the project on ‘your family’, what are you going to do? Well I guess you can only lie and make up a whole lot of things to keep our world hidden. Since you’re only little, I don’t think the Minestry will do anything to you for revealing magic to muggles but you should be careful all the same.

I hope to hear from home soon. Tell me how Halloween goes.

Say hello to Mum and Dad and everyone for me!

Good luck, Hufflepuff.
James.

P.S: Next time you write, try slipping a few of those new sweets from WWW in the envelope!

Last edited by Mikko on Thu Oct 06, 2011 7:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams




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Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:49 pm
GoofySmurf says...



OMG!!! I love it! i hope these never stop! keep writing! have fun (:
Ehh, who knows what to put here anymore.




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Sun Sep 25, 2011 6:50 am
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IcyFlame says...



Hey Mikko!

I haven't read a new chapter of this in a while so decided to take a peek for ya!

Mikko wrote:Blimey!


I think this was a little... off. It doesn't really seem to me like something your portrayal of Lily Potter would actually say. Can you find a better word?

Mikko wrote:(I don’t really remember what she said about that portrait, apart from it screaming every time someone made noise).


True Harry Potter fans have probably already got the hint, so this particular parenthesis isn't actually needed. It also seems like you're throwing it in because you need the reader to understand the reference but personally, I don't like the way it's been done.

Mikko wrote:I went through the house (starting from the front door since we came through the chimney)


Try to avoid using brackets all the time - it can make it more difficult to read.

Mikko wrote:upstairs (because there are also stairs to go downstairs to the kitchen).


Again, brackets.

Mikko wrote:(because I have many now. I feel like a grown up)!


Aside from the brackets here, my other issue was that I don't undertand how pillows determine how old she feels... It would be great if you could clarify this at somepoint.

Mikko wrote:They wanted it to be a surprise but since I’m the eldest, they let me know about it. Sorry.


This doesn't seem like a good justification for telling James.

That's all for nitpicks! You had a lot of good things in there too and I'm beginning to really enjoy the way you write. I would have tried to round off that last diary entry though as the current ending seems a little abrupt.
Happy review day!




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Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:30 pm
purpleandblue22 says...



HI!!! Haha, sorry I haven't been reviewing as often as I should, but I'm here now! *Cracks knuckles* alright then.

Mikko wrote:Blimey!


Alright, maybe this is because I'm American and don't really know what kids in Britan say at that age, but I'm pretty sure our Lilly wouldn't. Maybe pick a new word or something.

Mikko wrote:On one side of the hallway, there’s the dining room. Dad says Uncle Ron utterly detested that room because when they were younger, Grandma made them clean it and it was full of spiders. That’s why he decided to eat in the kitchen instead of the dining room.


I feel like you overused the word 'room'.

Mikko wrote:And then at the end of the hallway, there are the stairs to go upstairs (because there are also stairs to go downstairs to the kitchen). I hate the stairs. There are some frightening house-elf heads hanging on the wall at you go up the stairs and I can’t stand seeing them glaring at me.


This time you're overusing 'stairs'.

Mikko wrote:If Mum ever heard me, James or Albus saying that we’d get in trouble!


I feel like if I were Lilly I would be completely over exadurating this sentence (especially the part about getting in trouble). Maybe just add "in so much trouble" or something, just to make it sound more like a kid is saying it.

Mikko wrote:I wonder if Xedo won’t get lost when he’ll be returning James’ letter.


'Will' instead of 'won't'.

Mikko wrote:Ok, out of this enormous bed I hop to write that letter before the fireflies turn off.
I’ll leave you under my pillows (because I have many now. I feel like a grown up)!


This section here seems out of place, almost like she is trying to write poetry and then decided against it half way through. Also, 'hope' not 'hop'.

Alright, and I know this is just a nit pick, but it bothered me. You just have one date and I'm not sure which one it goes to.

Over all, I'm not bored (and to be honest, I usually expect that of fanfictions by now). Actually, I really want to know what is going to happen next (again, new feeling for this kind of thing). Tell me how lilly does on her project! Or maybe you could get her to accidentally say something about wizards so the minestry has to come and all that stuff! Sorry, but please keep writing!

--Bee--
"When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often suprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers."Ralph Waldo Emerson







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