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Together Again: Chapter 3



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Wed Sep 14, 2011 4:47 am
AwesomeSocks says...



When I woke up 3 hours later, my courage had melted. I didn’t feel as brave as I had last night.

I thought about skipping school, then decided against it. Why shouldn’t I go to school? I wanted to go to school. To see if Alice was there… no, I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

I wanted to see my other friends. Angela, Mike, Eric, Ben, Jessica, Lauren… no not Lauren. But I hadn’t seen them in a long time. Well, I’d seen them, but not really. I’d been empty, a ghost. Not consciously there. Only my body had been there.

So, I am going to school. No chickening out.

I got up and quickly got ready for school. I grabbed a granola bar (I was now late) and hurried into my truck.
Dammit. I was hoping maybe there was a slight chance it would be sunny today. Oh, well, no backing out now.
I pulled into the school parking lot, making sure to park as far from Edward’s Volvo as possible.

I made it in the classroom just before the bell rang. Luckily, Edward wasn’t in this class. Sigh, but he is in 4 of my other classes. Dammit.

English went by all too fast. Time always speeds up when I’m anticipating something unpleasant.
Time for biology.

I walked slowly into the classroom. Whew, Edward wasn’t here yet.

I sat down and began idly doodling on a scrap of notebook paper.

The classroom door opened. I glanced up without moving my head. Oh, it was just Jessica. I forgot she was in this class.
I let my eyes fall back onto the scrap of paper. Soon. He will be here soon.

I tried to mentally prepare myself. Unsuccessfully.

The door opened. I cringed slightly. The chair next to me scraped across the floor. I kept my head and my eyes down.

“Good morning, Bella.” Edward said.

I ignored him.

Mr. Banner started his lecture. Thank god, I thought.

He didn’t try to talk to me again, for which I was glad.

When the bell rang, signaling the end of class, I quickly gathered my stuff, and raced out the door.

Edward was already there. Stupid, super vampire speed. He fell into step beside me. I sped up. He kept perfect pace beside me.

“Hello, Bella. How was your day?” he asked pleasantly.

“Fine, until you showed up.” I grumbled.

I started to slow. I was getting tired. Thankfully, the classroom was just around the corner. I hurried over to the door.
“See you at lunch.” Edward said, as I slipped into the classroom. No freakin’ way, I thought.

I was glad the teacher was going to lecture us today, and I didn’t have to do any work. That left me free to think.
Edward was very persistent. He would keep trying, and I would keep rejecting him. He was so pathetic. Well, as pathetic as a vampire could get. Which isn’t very pathetic, but whatever.

If only there was some way I could avoid him. Well, I could go to Jacksonville, and visit my mom… not stay there, of course, just visit. I couldn’t stand staying away from Forks. I loved it too much.

So, yes, I was decided. Edward couldn’t really go to Jacksonville. Too sunny. Well, he could go, just not easily.
The bell rang. I gathered up my stuff, and headed for trig. Edward would be there. I groaned internally.
I walked into the classroom and sat next to Angela. At least Edward wouldn’t be able to sit next to me.

“Hey, Angela.” I said as warmly as I could. She blinked.

“Bella? Are you talking now?” she asked hesitantly.

Oh yeah, that’s right. I’ve been a zombie for the past few months.

“Yeah. Sorry about that. I’ve been a little… depressed lately.” I told her.

“Oh. Are you sure you’re okay?” She sounded worried.

“Yes, I’m fine, but I might go visit my mom for a while, and won’t be at school.”

Might as well go ahead and tell someone I was leaving. Get the story spread around. I wouldn’t be surprised if Edward was listening right now. He could listen all he wanted. I didn’t care.

“I hope you have a good time with your mom. Sorry, that sounded lame.” Angela said the last part shyly.

She was such a nice person. I had really missed her in zombie land.

The teacher started his lecture. Hmm, that’s strange, Edward isn’t here. How could he be late? Did he skip? Why was I so worried? I shouldn’t care. Ugh.

Trig seemed to fly by even faster than English had. All too soon the bell rang for lunch. I slowly gathered up my stuff, and trudged out into the hallway. Maybe I should skip lunch. Fake an illness or something… no, I’ll just leave. Yes, what’s the point in staying? If I go to lunch, I’ll just have to see Edward. But if Alice is there… maybe I could just stay for lunch, and then leave right after. That’s a much better idea.

I walked through the doors into the lunchroom. I involuntarily scanned the room. There. There was Edward and his sister, Alice.

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A/N I'm sorry my chapter are so short... it's a bad habit T.T I hope you enjoy this! Please review :)
Last edited by AwesomeSocks on Fri Sep 16, 2011 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:50 am
Xreigon says...



So, a Twilight story. Hmmm. I didn't make it past the first one, so...yeah. But, from what I heard the story seems pretty accurate. There really isn't very many comments that I can give you to help. I will say one thing, though. Since you have a few instances where you cuss, I would put a rating on it, just to warn people. Other than that, your grammer and puncuation was good, as well as I could tell. So, good job. I am looking forward to seeing the rest.

Keep Writing,
-Xreigon
“If you don't think there is magic in writing, you probably won't write anything magical.”
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Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:15 pm
TwistedMuffins says...



Hey there.

Twilight? Dx Oh, dear.

Anyhoo, I think you've attempted to write in present-tense, but they were quite a lot of times when your tenses jumped from the past to the present. There isn't any need for me to actually point it out, because if you just read it once, you'll find them all. Most of them.

So, yes, I was decided. Edward couldn’t really go to Jacksonville. Too sunny. Well, he could go, just not easily.
The bell rang. I gathered up my stuff, and headed for trig


Don't try to shortern your words into teenage talk. LIke, for Biology, we would usually say Bio, yeah? But when it comes to formal writing, stick to the actual word. When your using dialogs, then you may use whatever English you want, in whatever way. Since it will be the way the person talks.

I had really missed her in zombie land.


Zombieland* (One word.)

Why was I so worried?


Try adding "Wait" before the question. It'll flow more smoothly.



Anyway! It was pretty good, but as I said, your tenses. Trust me, it's okay going wrong there. Everyone hates 'em. So, if you want me to point out where all you went wrong, once you have finished editting it, feel free to buzz me. I'm all ears :)

-TMuffs
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