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The Magical Diary of L.L.P--part 8



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Gender: Female
Points: 2634
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Sat Sep 03, 2011 1:00 am
Mikko says...



Spoiler! :
Sorry if you’ve been waiting! I haven’t been in a story-writing mood lately. School is about to start and things are getting a bit hectic around here so... Yeah, enjoy! I promise that I’ll get back on track as soon as possible!


Dear Moon,

I feel much better now. Mum and Dad explained everything to me.
Ok, 12 Grimmauld Place is a secret, hidden house in the middle of Grimmauld Place which is in London. They said it used to be Dad’s godfather’s- Sirius Black’s- house but after all the Blacks had left, they used it was a secret place where they held meetings for The Order of the Phoenix or something like that.

Anyway, they said I’d like it there (maybe not the house-elf because he’s always grumpy and grouchy) and that it’s only about a ten minutes drive from school so I won’t have to wake up so early anymore.

But now as I look around my room, I feel like crying because I don’t want to leave this house. It’s my house! I’ve had enough of losing what I love most! First my brothers, cousins, even Hugo for a few weeks and now my house? I’m not sure I want to go. I don’t even know if I want to write more for today.
I’m going to bed.

L.L.Potter

22/10/2017- Later that day.

Dear Moon,

School was really fun today! We had P.E and we learned how to play Rounders. It’s a really fun game and it was easy to learn. All we had to do was hit the ball with a bat and run around before the other team caught the ball. I wasn’t on Hugo’s team, which was unfortunate because my team won. I could see he was sad but it was only a game, and anyway, I think her played very well!

The bad bit today was when Ms. Richardson told us we had to do a project on our families. As soon as she told us that, Hugo and I looked at each other in a worried way. I have no idea how I’m going to do this because my family is full of wizards and I’m not supposed to reveal magic to muggles.

She says it’ll be great if we could get some pictures of our family too. But but my family don’t look like muggles. They dress more or less strangely. And wouldn’t it be weird to say that my grandparents live in the countryside but I go to visit them almost every day?

What’s worse is that she wants it when we come back from half term. That’s after Halloween- when my whole family will be together (yes, apart from those at school)! And I heard the grown-ups saying that we might be celebrating Halloween at our house. Our new house.

We’re moving in tomorrow and Mum and Dad have already started making things disappear with their wands so the house is getting more and more empty. There are some blank, empty spaces on the once crowded walls. Now I can see just how white the house was before it lost its colour. I wasn’t born back then, I don’t think even James was born yet! That’s why I love it so much. It’s our home and I wonder what’s going to happen to it when we leave. Maybe another mum and dad will move in and put paintings and pictures of their family where our pictures were and cover up the clean and white squares on the walls.

Tomorrow I’ll write a letter to my brothers when we’ll get to the new house because if I write it from here, Xedo will probably come back here and we wouldn’t be here and he’ll get all confused! I’m sure I’ll get confused too and my brothers as well when they come back from school. They’ll expect to use the same route as the one we usually use from Kings’ Cross to our house but find that it’s changed.

I’ve already started writing the letter but that’s not what I should be worrying about right now. I should tell Mum and Dad about the project. Tomorrow. When we get to our new house and everything is fine (which it won’t be because we wouldn’t be in our normal house), I’ll tell them.

Right now they’re too busy. Too busy with magic. I wish I could make myself disappear so that they’ll never find me and I’ll have to stay here! I wish I could make myself disappear so that I could go to Hogwarts to see James and Albus.

I need to sleep now, tomorrow is going to be a long day.

L.L.Potter

24/10/2017
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 980
Reviews: 2
Sun Sep 25, 2011 12:35 pm
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GoofySmurf says...



I love these SO MUCH! are you going to stop them because if you do i will cry. But i guess that doesn't matter. i cant believe those lily evans diaries. they just kinda stopped like they don't really matter. well to me they do. so do these. man i hope this doesn't count as a spam review i'd get banned and i can't have that. it would be bad for me and my team. well bye

-Goofy-
Ehh, who knows what to put here anymore.
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:47 pm
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IcyFlame says...



Hey Mikko!
For starters, I still don't really understand why they're moving? It would be good to have some more explanation on that front. Also, in terms of the first diary entry I get that she's mad, upset and angry but try to get this emotion across more in her words. That's the difficult thing about writing a diary as a novel: it's harder to use show rather than tell.
Mikko wrote:School was really fun today! We had P.E and we learned how to play Rounders. It’s a really fun game and it was easy to learn. All we had to do was hit the ball with a bat and run around before the other team caught the ball. I wasn’t on Hugo’s team, which was unfortunate because my team won. I could see he was sad but it was only a game, and anyway, I think her played very well!

Woah, how did she suddenly get into such a good mood? We need to still see some of the sadness at leaving in her words.
Mikko wrote: But but my family don’t look like muggles.

Grammatical error I'm guessing.
Mikko wrote:They dress more or less strangely

This needs rewording.
Mikko wrote:That’s after Halloween- when my whole family will be together (yes, apart from those at school)!

Relax the constant use of the brackets a bit. It becomes tiresome to read. See if you can find a substitute for them.
I think that's the main issue here, along with the show versus tell. Work on those two and this is on the way to becoming a really great read!
Happy review day :)
Icy
  








You can cut all the flowers, but you cannot stop Spring from coming.
— Pablo Neruda