Young Writers Society

I know the chapters are a bit short! Sorry and enjoy!

Prologue:

My name is Katniss Mellark. I am the mockingjay. The symbol of rebellion. The reason there is peace in the world today. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even alive. But, I try not to think of it for the sake of my children. My children. I never wanted them. But, Peeta did. He begged me everyday. And every night. Finally I gave in. By that time even Haymitch was asking when I was going to have children. I guess everyone wanted the Mockingjay to have a daughter. And I did. On August 16th she was born. And she looked exactly like me. Dark brown hair. Light gray eyes. Olive skin. At first Peeta had wanted to name her Katniss. I hadn't really agreed but, since the whole reason I even had a daughter in the first place was because of him I decided to let him choose the name. But, it was actually Haymitch who picked the name. Jay. As in Mockingjay. Jay Mellark. Everyone loved it. So that became her name. 3 years latter I had a son. No one knew who the boy would look like but, we already knew the name. Haymitch Mellark. Peeta and I had decided even before the baby was born. I mean Haymitch did keep us alive not once. Not twice. But, three times. Haymitch yelled at us and said he didn't want any kid of our's being named after him. But, I knew he secretly was glad. He comes over almost everyday to see the boy. Though he never admits it I think for once he really does like someone. 4 years went by. Our kids grew older and older. No one said anything about having another child. In till one day all of a sudden Peeta blurted out

" I want another child Katniss. Just one more. Come one katniss! Please? " I surprised everyone by just simply responding

" Alright. " And I kept my promise. A few months latter I had another daughter. And I was glad I had listened to Peeta. This one child sometimes brings tears to my eyes when I look at her. I had insisted that I got to name her. Peeta let me. So my last child was name Primrose Mellark. The blonde hair. The bright blue eyes. The lightly tanned skin. She looks so much like my little sister sometimes I can't bare it. Especially when she walks up to me and asks

" Mommy? Why are you crying? " And then she curls up next to me and cry's to. Even though she has no idea why I'm crying in the first place.

My children. Jay Mellark who is now 17 years old. Haymitch Mellark who is now 14 years old. And sweet little Primrose Mellark who is 10 years old. And something horrible might happen to them at any second.

Chapter One:

Jay:

" HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY JAY! " I jump up and blink. My mother, father, Prim, and Haymitch stand over me. I smile and sit up.

" Thanks guys. Now get out so I can change! "

" That's nice. " Haymitch mutters. They walk out of my room and I look around. I pull on a pair of old pants and my mother's old hunting jacket.

" Jay! Hurry up! " My mother shouts from downstairs. I pull on my hunting boots and run downstairs.

" Would it kill you to where something nice on your birthday? " My mother asks pushing me a slice of bread.

" I'm going to Seth's house. " I answer rolling my eyes and stuffing the bread in my mouth. She looks at me with a disapproving glance and I sigh.

" Mom. It's my birthday. I'll be back before the party. I promise. "

" Fine. " Then she disapeers into the study. I run out the door heading towards the meadow. The reason my mother hates Seth is because his father and my mother we're friends when they we're younger. My mother and his father went through a lot together. But, then when they got older they had a huge fight and never really talked again. I arrive at their house and knock on the door.

" Katniss? " Seth's dad asks in disbelief.

" No Gale. It's me. Jay. " I say. It makes me mad that he got me and my mother mixed up but, I guess I must look like her since I'm wearing her old cloths.

" Oh! I'm sorry. Happy birthday Jay! " He answers awkwardly.


" Thanks for remembering. Is Seth here? " I ask.

" Yep. He's in his room. Been waiting for you all morning. " Then he moves aside and let's me in. For some reason this makes me blush. Gale seems to notice this and he walks away.

" Seth? " I call walking into his room.

" Hey Jay. " He looks up and I smile. Seeing those gray eyes makes me feel so much better sometimes.

" What? No Happy birthday Jay! " I tease sitting down beside him. He grins

" You really want me to make a big deal out of it? " Before I can even answer he picks me up and spins me around knocking almost everything down in his tiny room

" HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY JAY! WHOOHOOO! " He screams.

" Put me down! " But, I'm laughing so hard it doesn't really come out. He put's me down on the bed and smiles.

" SETH? JAY? What's going on up there? " Gale yells.

" Nothing dad! " Seth answers without taking his eyes away from me.

" Arn't you gonna pick that up? " I ask starting to get up. " No! I mean. I can do that latter. " He pushes me back down and before I know what's going on he's kissing me. His lips feel warm pressed against mine and I don't want to stop. But, It's not me or him who breaks us apart. It's the beeping coming from outside. I jolt away

" What's that? Do you hear that? " I ask frantically.

" Jay. I don't hear anything. Come on. Relax. " He says.

" Seth! Stop! Beeping! I hear Be-"

" Jay! Get out! You have to leave! " Gale barges in and pulls me away from Seth who still has his arms wrapped around me.

" Bye Seth. I'll see you latter. " I say running out of his room and down the stairs. When I run outside the beeping is unmistakable. The beeping. Your probably wondering what the beeping means. The beeping means something has gone terribly wrong. The capitol is bombing us.

Sorry this chapter is kind of slow but it's gonna get better I promise!

Hi! I'm Narniafreak!

I love the Hunger Games, so I hope my suggestions help!

Overall, I thought it was fine. Not much is happening at the beginning, though. It has potential to be good, but there are a few nitpicks both with the story and things that deal with the actual Hunger Games Trilogy that might have to be changed... I did like the naming their daughter Jay, though. That was very creative and goes nicely with the storyline.

I think the first paragraph should be split up, because it's this huge paragraph that only tells [doesn't show] that might discourage readers from continuing. I would call this an info dump, where it just gives a much of information but doesn't show the reader anything.

When you give descriptions you don't make them into actual sentence, just short, choppy words. You might want to change that and give more visual descriptions. For example you put

And she looked exactly like me. Dark brown hair. Light gray eyes. Olive skin.

You could describe what shade of brown hair or what type of hair does she have [curly, straight, wavy etc.]

You spell "later" wrong often.

At one point you have

" Alright. " And I kept my promise. A few months latter I had another daughter.

However, it's impossible for anyone to have a healthy and mature baby after "a few months". I'm pretty sure someone is usually pregnant for at nine months. So, unless this baby is supposed to be premature, really premature, I would change that.

I got confused a few times. Since the names of their kids are other characters, I thought it was the original characters talking and stuff. I understand why you named them what you did, but it did confuse me. And I can't say I really liked those names, but that's just my opinion. Also, when chapter one started, I didn't realize it was from Jay's point of view. I thought it was Katniss at first. I did realize you put "Jay:" though, so that was just me being oblivious.

The whole first chapter doesn't have a lot of description or movement. It's mainly the characters talking, which is good, but maybe describe more what that certain character is doing while talking. You did do that a little, but I think you could add in more. Also, you haven't really explained much. I assume they are in District 12 where Peeta and Katniss settled down, but I'm not positive. Plus, the end of Mockingjay they defeated the Capitol, so the Capitol can't be bombing them, it doesn't exist. You have to come up with a new threat.

Last, Gale and Seth. Again, at the end of Mockingjay, it says Gale went to District 2 and Katniss never saw him again. And if that's the case, either explain why Gale came back or he can't be the father of Jay's best friend. You could make it Finnick and Annie's son, if you wanted, but then Katniss wouldn't have a problem with him.

Other than that, it was decent. It has potential to be an exciting story. I know for myself, I wondered what would happen next. What did they name their kids? and so forth. Keep writing and if you post more please tell me, I'd love to continue reading.

I'm sorry if I was a bit nitpicky and stuff. If you have any questions or need any help, feel free to PM me.

-Narniafreak!

Thanks for the reply Narniafreak! Yeah it's a bit confusing in the beginning and nothing really happens but, as the story goes on everything starts to make sense because I explain everything later on. I'll take in mind your suggestions and thanks again! I hope you read the next part

I loved this! I'm planning to write a story on the hunger games soon1 Please continue it!