LotR fanfic that I couldn't get out of my head. I need comments on the story more than nitpicks about grammar and spelling. Thankee! Oh-oh, also, her name is pronounced Arr-inn, or Eer-inn. I prefer the first.
Life was going just as expected in Adolthair. People crowded around booths in the marketplace, haggling, shouting, laughing, and talking to their every neighbor, while those that found such loud goings-on repellent could be found in their own huts, sewing, mending, sleeping.
None knew what awaited them, come nightfall.
A shadow, a foul wind; thick as poison, heady as flowers in the summer heat, smooth and oily like a water snake, lay in wait just beyond their comfortable town-walls, in the innocent form of merchant’s vans. If one was inquisitive enough to open the gate and ask why, in simple terms, they did not wish to come within the shelter of the palisade, one would be greeted by a single, pale, grey-haired man. He would stumble from the gaping, dark door of a colorful van, eyes wide and voice trembling, and say to the asker, “W-we must prepare our wares, my good sir. Tomorrer, tomorrer we would be delighted to be welcomed in-into t’yer pre-pretty liddle town. Tomorrer.” And then, as though pulled by a string, he would lurch back into the depths of his van.
But no one inquired after the matter, for they guessed as much, and Adolthairens, while quite clever in their own ways, had never been a curious people. If it is wholly true – and it mayn’t be – to say that there was only one in the entire town, who would have gone to ask after the merchant’s vans, then that one would be a girl. A girl, a strange girl by Adolthairen measures, and one who was very little like the rest. She lived with a somewhat crazed old woman on the outskirts of town, and if anyone wished to know, her parents had died when she was a babe and she had been found in Fangorn forest by a band of peaceful nomads. The old woman, or Auntie Grace, as she was called by one and all, spoke no more of the story after that, and not a one pressed her further.
“Áeryn! Áeryn, did ye fetch me wa’er from the well?” Auntie Grace demanded as the girl stepped into the shelter of their one-roomed hut. She smiled cheerily and nodded, setting down a pitcher of clear water with a grateful sigh.
“Aye, Auntie Grace. D’you wan’ me t’get ye a cup o’ it?”
The woman assented, and Áeryn happily set out to search the tiny house for a suitable mug. It was not much a job, considering how very deplorably small their home was, and she had but to glance around to find what she sought. As the wizened old woman drank her fill, Áeryn set about tidying up and started a pot boiling over the fire. Come dinner, they would have at least a modest vegetable soup to eat.
When she had finished her simple chores, Áeryn made up her mind to visit the market square. She hadn’t any coin to speak of, but the smell of the fresh bread and the gossipy babble of the townspeople were two of many comforts the market offered, and so soon she found herself wandering past the small mud-huts and into the forest of baker’s wives and young, freckled apprentices. It was a peaceful world, a peaceful existence, and for one so young, Áeryn most fully appreciated it.
And yet – there was a part of this young girl that yearned for adventure. A tug in her heart, growing more urgent every time the sun laid himself to rest beyond eye’s short sight. She did not understand it quite, but she knew her origins as well as Auntie Grace, and much better than the townspeople that chattered around her. Elf, she thought proudly, dodging past and through the crowds of people that dotted the market square. Elf, an' human, Auntie said. I don't mind bein' a mutt.
She stopped suddenly by the vegetable stand, turning slightly to look at the woman who stood behind it. “’Ello, Elizcia! Go’ any veggible bits fer a pore liddle gel an’ ‘er auntie?” she asked, smiling hopefully.
“En fact I do, m’dear. A nice ‘ittle bag unner here. Jus’ a moment, aye?”
She leant down and pulled a sack of optimistically good size out from its place beneath the gaudily painted wooden stand. With a deft flick of the wrist, she sent it spinning in an arch over their heads, to land with perfect precision in Áeryn’s outstretched arms. They both giggled, neither imagining for a moment that this would be the very last time one would see the other.
“Thankee, ma’am. Do say hi to Dockle, won’t ye?”
Elizcia promised she would, and Áeryn scampered away and out of sight, to more secretive activities. The woman smiled, her dark grey eyes twinkling in the fading sunlight. “Nice youn’ maid, y’can no say better ‘an that.”
Áeryn, meanwhile, with vegetable bag in hand, had followed the main cobblestone path to the main gate, and was arguing most heatedly with the guards that patrolled the wall.
“Y’can’t kep’ me in! I jus’ wanner see wot th’mershents are doin’ out there when they c’be in here!” she said, stamping her foot for extra emphasis.
One guard, and the better natured of the two, smiled apologetically down at her, saying, “S’ry, ‘ittle un, but th’orders are none go widdout th’mayors esspilessit permayshun. An’, I be’er warn ya, I don’ think he’ll givvit t’ya.”
“Pleeze! Pleeze, oh pleeze, dear sah! I on’y wanner ask! Y’can see me the ‘ole time,” she wheedled, her green-brown eyes widening and her lip trembling pitifully.
“No’s no!” barked the other guard, although even he looked slightly sorry to say so. “If y’wanna go ask th’mayor, tha’s yer probberlem, bu’ we can no let ye out ‘til ye’ve gotten his say-so.”
She hung her head, kicking listlessly at a pebble lying by her foot. “A’right. If y’don’t wanner letta pore young un out to live a liddle bit, I s’pose I’ll have to tumble on home to my auntie.”
Áeryn turned to shuffle slowly away, eyes on the dusty stones beneath her.
“It’s not like ‘at!” the kinder guard protested, tripping down the stairs to comfort the disappointed girl. “Bu’ what with those strange orcs runnin’ about, and news uv even wurse, we don’ want no un gettin’ hurt! Please, m’gal, cheer oop. If there ‘er enny way – wait!”
She turned to look back at him, half-expectant and half-doubtful. There was a lopsided grin on his bearded face, and one hand lifted as though to take her own.
“The vans’re jus’ outside th’walls. If Gerid or I yell a little, we can arsk from our posts, an’ you can watch.”
It wasn’t what Áeryn had expected, nor what she’d had hopes for, but it was something, and something she wouldn’t let pass by. Taking up his proffered hand, the girl followed him back up the steps to the wall, her curiosity aroused as she saw that not a single person was seen to stir within the whole group of vans.
“Ho, there!” bellowed the guard, and Áeryn winced, clapping hands to ears at the noise. The two words echoed hither and thither through the sweeping hillocks beyond Adolthair, but the answer only came when all clear sounds again had faded.
A short, stocky man staggered unsteadily from dark doorway of the nearest van. Even from the height of the palisade wall, and the yards that lay between he and they, Áeryn noted the premature grey of his hair, the unsteady walk of a man twice his age.
He stumbled along the uneven ground until he had to turn his face directly up to see the two guards and the girl above. “B-beggin’ your p-pardon, sirs an’ miss, b-but what is it y’wanted to – to ask?” the man said, and his voice seemed too loud and strong to fit the rest of him.
“On be’alf o’ the peepul o’ Adolthair, its appoin’ed guards were arsked to – er, arsk why ye so… blatantally shun the ‘ospititallhity of our strong pallersade!” the bearded guard shouted down.
The strangest thing happened, then, or so Áeryn thought. The girl had quite unusually sharp eyes, even for being such youthful thing as she. He mouthed the word strong, and then shook his head mournfully, as though disagreeing.
“If’n that’s th’impression we put upon you, then I most humbly apologize. However, our goods must be orgernized, and we’re fully able t’protect ourselves from ill doers for th’night. Please, worry yourselves no more. We will be knocking on your gates come mornin’. Fare ye well for now!”
And then he turned and walked only a little more steadily down the dirt path to his van, disappearing inside before the guard could gather himself to reply.
“That – that righ’ thar were… were strange,” he said, more to himself than Áeryn.
The girl thanked him briefly for being so kind to her, and then made her way down the wooden steps. She trotted lightly away down the road, and the guard didn’t look away until she had turned a corner and gone from view.
“A strange un,” he said, tossing himself down beside Gerid, out of sight of the caravan. “But she seemed an a’right gel. A little too elfish for my tastes.”
The other guard looked at him in alarm, but he merely chuckled, saying, “Jus’ jestin’, Gerry. Odd, tho’, isn’ she?”
“Aye,” Gerid sighed, handing his companion the water jug.
Neither saw the eyes, peering hungrily, knowingly from the open door of the stout man’s van.
“The people of Adolthair,” he rasped, in a voice unused to the common tongue, “will see no sunrise.”
Please, tell me what you think! It's not my best, but I rather like it. Advice about the overall story - I don't s'much need help with nitpicks. Unless you see a constantly recurring one, I'd prefer you left nitpicks out all t'gether. Also, I'm not trying to be completely accurate to Mr. Tolkien's geography, although, since I've read all three LotR books two times over, and heard them more, the rest shan't be problem. Nevertheless, if you see anything about timeline/characters/speech that I've forgotten, don't hesitate to point it out!
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