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Sunset 4



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Gender: Female
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Sat Jul 19, 2008 3:21 am
SASSYLADY333 says...



NOTE: Did I mention Babette has a little cat named Shoomu? She's black and white...lol.


Chapter Four: Bodies

A few days later, Friday, I’m relaxing at home after a long day at school. Even though my mind isn’t up for it, I’m on my Notebook writing an essay. I keep forgetting the subject of the essay and open a window for Myspace. I look over at my notes I took in class, there is more hearts then notes on my paper. I sigh, and start typing in the search engine, the gears in my head working for a mad person.

Sam Uley

` With a few adjustments to the search I find him. I click on a picture of Sam and Emily kissing each other. The page takes forever to come up so I turn on the television. Maybe some vH1 would be nice right now.

To my surprise all the stations are news report. A male and female anchor talk quickly about some crisis. I’m not sure what because I’m too far away from the TV and the volume is too low.

I come into the living room and sit on the couch turning up the volume.

“Why should we be concerned? These disappearances and murders are similar to those six years go. The mysterious murderer seems to be coming nearer and nearer to our home. Reports say the killings have started in Alaska, then Canada, Oregon, and now our state.

We have no reason to be greatly alarmed but based on the events of the past, people are advised to stay in town. Don’t wonder out at night alone and remember it’s important to stay safe.”

I shiver as go back to my Notebook in the kitchen. I’ll have to wait for the whole page to load so I can look at Sam’s friends and find Jacob’s profile.

But instead the whole page closes on me and my Internet Explorer restarts and I’m on the Fork/La Plush home site. I see a big headline, “Eight People Killed, Seattle Serial Killer on the Loose!“

I’m kind of scared and I scroll down to see the story.

UPDATE: Four bodies have been discovered since last night in Port Angeles. The Rip Tide of Terror, could be coming here. No one has any doubt’s.--

Brrrrinnnggggg. Barrrinnnngggg. Barinnnnggg.

I’m distracted by the sound of the phone, I leave my lap top to pick it up.

“H-hello?” I’m still a bit disturbed about the article as I answer.

“Is Babe in?”

“Yes, this is her speaking.” It’s an older man on the other line and I wonder what his concern with me is.

“This is Billy Black. You may have remembered me from last week?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Good, I was wondering if you could do some chores for me?”

I froze, he had spoke so urgently that I had truly believed he was going to say something important. “Oh…of course I can.”

“Great, could you come over right now?”

“Sure Mr. Black, mind if I bring some of my school work?”

“Not at all, and call me Billy.”

“Right , Billy…Well, I’ll be on my way.”

“Don’t be silly Brady is on his way to get you.”

“Oh…ok thanks.” He hung up and as I set the phone down the on the receiver I wondered how Brady could already be on his way…

I thought maybe I had heard Billy wrong and I pack my homework into my bag. I change my clothes and by the time I came down stairs Brady is ringing the door bell.

I open the door to find a nervous teenage boy. “Brady, you alright?” I ask closing the door behind me.

“Y-yeah I’m great Babe. Come on.”

He drives me to Billy’s house in a haste, and parks crooked in the drive way. I get out the car slowly but he rushes me into the house. Billy’s inside watching a football game but he seems to be looking outside a lot.

“Hey kiddo.”

“Hi Billy,--”

“Just take a seat.”

I nod, sitting there for about five minutes while Brady whispers into his cell in the hall, before he suddenly runs out the door. Billy becomes fidgety and finally he turns down the TV.

“Um…Billy, what did you want me to do first?”

He looks at me confused, and then he remembers, “Oh yeah, well you better do your homework first.”

“Oh, ok.”

I take out my Notebook and work on my essay. I find it hard to concentrate though because I can hear the sound of howls outside.

“B-Billy are there wolves out there?”

“Yes, out in the forest.”

I start to get scared, “Do they attack people?”

He looks at me, “No never… not as long no one’s in the way.”

I give him an incredulous glare and then I hear a loud BOOM and crash in the woods.

“Ahhh!”, It’s the sound of my own scream.

Billy looks scared for a moment and then he takes a deep breath, “Why don’t you work in Jacob’s room? It’s the first room to the right.”

“But didn’t you hear that loud crash? Shouldn’t we see what’s happened?” I say, about ready to run out the door in mild hysterics.

“Just go.” Billy said.

Surprised by the tone of his voice I grab my stuff and walk into Jacob’s room. But I pause at the entrance holding onto the door knob…I feel like I’m in heaven. His room was sort of dark, not a pig sty, but not the neatest. I could tell he didn’t spend a lot of time in here, it was such a small room with a such a small bed I could hardly blame him.

The wall opposite me had a large window over looking the bed, but the shutters were closed and a bit distorted, and the grey gangly curtains hung around it limp. The bed stretched out wall to wall, it looked like he had made his bed maybe two days ago, and it got wrinkled from him sitting on it so much. A few shirts hung on the bars. Shoe boxes and socks stuck out peaking from under the bed. To the left was his closet, which was wide open enough for me to see a clutter of junk. And on the wall to the right there was worn pictures of his friends from a few years ago. I even spotted a much younger, and happier Jacob placed on the wall. Besides that there was posters of motorbikes, and cars all over the ceiling and on some parts of the walls.

I sigh, feeling a bit dizzy as I made my way to his bed. I sit down and open my Notebook. I feel odd and I have a budding feeling sprouting from the pit of my stomach. This is his bed. I reached behind me to touch his pillow…I thought about smelling it but released it quickly, giggling to myself. What was wrong with me?

I stopped laughing for a moment thinking I heard a clinging sound, then I realized it was just my bracelets. I cringe looking at my right wrist were a silver bangle is digging into my arm. As I loosen it, I look toward the door for no reason at all.

My heart stops, it’s Jacob.

“Mumph…” Is all I manage to say.

“Are you ok?” He gasps, he’s all sweaty, which I don’t seem to understand because there’s a steady rain outside. Was he in the garage?

“Um…yeah, I’m ok.”

He doesn’t say anything but he comes in the room shutting the door, he walks towards the bed and sits on the floor beneath me. He has his head in his hands and he is silent.

“Are you ok?” I ask.

More silence. I can hardly manage to speak again, he’s wearing nothing but a pair of rolled up jeans, and I keep thinking about that fact that he is so sweaty. And we sit there, his head in his hands, and me on his bed looking down at him.

Then finally he speaks, “I’m glad you’re here.”

I don’t know what to say, or even understand exactly what he means. But before I can even reply he is out the door, and gone.

I hear a howl outside and I scream, it sounded like it was right by the window, right by my ear. A moment later I hear an unison of howls off in the distance, far away in the forest. I grab onto Jacob’s pillow holding it against me for warmth and comfort, hoping that I am safe.

©©©

It’s been three hours, and I am still scared out of my mind. And I have no idea if I should be scared because I have no idea what is happening. After Jacob left and hearing the wolves outside I just closed my eyes trying to be calm. I heard more howls, and heard the sounds of war outside. Trees falling, bombs, huge crashes, I saw the drift of ashes outside. I am literally shaking, a huge shudder goes through my whole body. I tried to go back in the living room and see what was happening and that’s when I discovered the door was locked. I didn’t mean to but I started yelling and banging on the door like a mad woman.
And no one came to let me out, or tell me to shut up. I was trapped in this room, while the world was ending outside.

By the time someone did come I thought that something must have happened to Billy. I imagined him wheeling out the door heading down the road for help a gun in his hand trying to survive. Feeling the guilt of a sixteen year old girl he left behind.

But instead Jared came and opened the door. I stood up immediately, and shouted at him.

“What the hell is going on?”

He didn’t say anything at first he had a pain in his eyes, he looked like he had just been in a fight. I could tell he was exhausted.

“Everything is fine Babe, I’m going to take you home.”

That’s when I heard the yelps of pain in the living room. That’s when I realized someone was hurt, I ran past Jared into the room. I saw all of my brothers littered around the house. Some of them in the kitchen, others on the floor and sitting on the couch. And they were all noticeably hurt.

Seth noticed me first, he didn’t say anything because he was still shouting in pain as Billy pulled a huge chunk of sharp rock from in between his ribs. I got a little dizzy and felt myself leaning backward, and then Jared was there behind me.

“Come on, Babe let’s go.”

I turned around to look at him, “ What happened? Was it the wolves?”

I heard a dark chuckle from Paul who I noticed had less scratches on his face a moment before, “You don’t need to worry about the wolves.”

Jared pulled me out the house, after that and he drove me home in his Toyota. I didn’t object, he seemed stressed out, and on the ride home I didn’t say anything. I looked out the window toward the forest, and I could smell the sweet ashes of the smoke. I looked up at the sky and I say the dark purple cloud I couldn’t look away from it, I was perplexed. It was so mysterious and strange, yet it was so…familiar.


The Dream

It’s starts off as I’m leaping through the air. I’m in a forest, riding a huge furry animal. I know this animal, I love her and trust her she guides me , she fights with me. I’m in a warrior’s clothes, I have my weapons at my bay. I see the enemy coming near, I jump and attack.

My animal covers my back, we are killing people, strange people. Maybe not people at all. They should be so much stronger then me, they should be able to crush me whole. And when they realize that am different, that I am meant to terminate them they fight harder.

I can barely make them out in the dream it ’s too misty. And suddenly the fight is over I’ve just lit a huge fire in the clearing on top of a cliff. The strange smoke travels into the air I look after it as the wind carries it off knowing it will be hours before it drifts way and before the smell is gone.

The great animal looks at me, an expression of a job well done. And suddenly she changes into my cat. It is Shoomu and in the dream I am not surprised.

“The smoke is drifting, let us go, there is more to be done.” My cat Shoomu has just spoken to me.

NOTE: Will this chapter is sort of weird I guess, but it does set things into motion.
"Show us, don't tell us!" They say, but sadly I realize I'm a storyteller. When I cross over and accept maturity, when I want to change then maybe I'll be willing to show people my prose and not tell them. As a writer I have to grow. :)
  





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Gender: Female
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Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:53 pm
dommy65 says...



Hey, SASSYLADY333,

So I've been reading these chapters and decided to add my critique to this chapter because it's the most recent.

In all four of these I've only seen a lot of missing commas and some confusion in tenses. I know you're writing this in the present tense but sometimes the next sentence contradicts that. It's just a little confusing while reading.

But overall it's really great. I can't wait to read more, and when you post it pm me.

~Dommy65 :D
This is our decision, to live fast and die young.
We've got the vision, now let's have some fun.
Yeah, it's overwhelming, but what else can we do,
Get jobs in offices, and wake up for the morning commute?
  





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Thu Jul 31, 2008 4:09 am
sokool15 says...



Yay! I don't have time for a full-blown crit, but I absolutely loved the Twilight series (am jumping up and down for Breaking Dawn to come out) and I absolutely loved your story too. A brilliant continuation of Jacob's story, and I love your main character, Baby. She's hyper and clumsy and funny and loveable. I like the way you've make Jacob unwilling to love her even though he sort of has to, since he's imprinted.

Anyway, keep it coming! Brilliant work, I want to see what happens next! Pm me when you post chapter five? Please? Pretty please? :P

Cheers!
~MademoiselleKool
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
~Albert Einstein
  








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