Young Writers Society

Spazztardchild wrote:SFGS/M = Sasuke Fan Girl Squadron/Member

He had noticed her on the first day of elementary school. The beautiful mop of pink hair, emerald eyes shimmering with happiness as she played with her blonde best friend during recess[s], had[/s] attracted his attention. The fact that she had tripped over her converse laden converse laden? Converse aren't that heavy feet and landed on her baggy trousered bottom, as she was passing him, made her even more adorably cute to him, but he didn't show it. Outwardly he was cold and a mocking smirk stretched onto his pale features, malice in his eyes. He had been told extensively not to show up the Uchiha reputation throughout his short life and he wasn't about to start now. Your sentences are a bit long in this paragraph. Try shortening then, cut some of them in half, it'll make it easier to read.

“Strong, intelligent, mature men make the Uchiha empire what it is today. I want no frivolity from you. Pay attention to your teacher and excel in all of your lessons. Choose friends wisely and more importantly choose your girlfriends with extreme care. Do these things and you will indeed be my son,” his father had told him before sweeping out of the door to work. Sasuke went to school that morning determined to prove to his father that he could be his son – even better than Itachi. You could explain who Itachi is - seeing as this is an AU fic.

As the years went on, nothing much changed. His father still looked at Itachi, rather than the both of them, as the sole heir to his throne, making Sasuke work himself to the ground just for [s]a[/s] the glimmer of approval that every once in a while came his way. This is another really long sentence And she still fell over, and he still smirked. But she had blossomed into a young woman, and he a man. And as the hordes of blonde, dull, over made-up and fake fan girls obsessed more and more over him, the less he could even think of having her by his side. 'Those retarded idiots would probably skin her alive, because they're so damn territorial' he often thought. They frustrated him so much at times. He couldn't even take a cousin out without a full interrogation as to who she [s]is[/s] was, and what she [s]is[/s] was doing with “their” Sasuke.

Regardless of his Fan Girl Squadrons, Sasuke decided it was an emergency emergency isn't the right word here, maybe it was essential that he made his feelings known that he made his feelings towards her known[s],[/s] by the end of the senior year. The smirking at her stopped when she was endearingly dorky. When she fell, he helped her up, and made sure she was OK. He hid from his idiot stalkers and spied on her instead whenever he could. For Valentine's Day, he sent her a single red rose, with a note attached[s],[/s] giving subtle clues to his identity. And when their English class was studying Romeo and Juliet, he volunteered that he be her Romeo (much to the envy of the SFGSM's in the classroom). He even started to smile a little more and become approachable to most people (except the SFGS), because he knew that being cold and intimidating would dramatically reduce his chances of getting his affections returned by her, simply because she wasn't an idiot like the rest of the girls at the school.

He finally decided that he would ask her to the prom when[s],[/s] she was beginning to return the adoring looks that he was throwing at her. (Luckily the SFGS's didn't notice this- they were far too busy arguing over who would be the one he would ask to the prom). That day in the lunch hall[s],[/s] Sasuke asked her in front of almost the entire school. He had stood on the table that Sakura had sat at, which made everyone sit and stare in silence, (because they thought Sasuke had finally lost it) and said “Out of all the girls in this school, Sakura, I find you the most attractive, interesting, intelligent, adorable and loveable. I have harboured these feelings for quite some time, and I feel if I don't ask you now, I shall live in regret. Would you be my prom date and my girlfriend?” His heart was beating a hundred miles per hour, as he stared into Sakura's slightly shocked emeralds 'She's going to reject me isn't she?' he thought as she continued to stare at him, dumbfounded. Every jaw in the room had now dropped at the normally stoic Uchiha doing something completely out of character. She just blushed and nodded frantically at him, not [s]being[/s] able to talk coherently.

Sasuke relievedly dropped off the table gracefully and sat on the chair next to her, grabbed her in to a fierce hug and passionately kissed her. When they broke off, they had noticed that Kakashi-sensei, their History teacher, standing over them[s],[/s] with a disappointed look in his one visible eye. “I would expect two people of half of [s]you two's[/s] your intelligence to realise that you are going to get caught snogging in the middle of the lunch hall. I'll let you off this time, but next time it'll be a weeks worth of detention.” The couple blushed as their teacher reprimanded them on their PDA PDA is a bit slangy, I had to think to work out what it meant. Kakashi was happy that the normally unemotional Sasuke was finally finding happiness with a girl, and ignoring those idiots that swamped the classroom[s],[/s] with foul smelling 'love letters' and other disgusting memorabilia[s],[/s] so they could profess their obsession with him.

The evils that the SFGS were sending Sakura were intensely and hysterically hilarious. And each and every one was ignored, as they floated out of the lunch hall and found a place outside in the vast school grounds where they could talk quietly without disruption.

Part 2

He stared at the mirror of his massive room. It was five minutes before he had to leave and pick up Sakura. He was adjusting his plain red silk tie[s],[/s] and smoothing his jet black tuxedo down. Underneath his slightly baggier than necessary trousers[s],[/s] he had on a nice pair of leather shoes.

“Are you ready?” his mother had snook up behind him and made him jump out of his skin.

'Yes mother' he smiled at her. But she just sighed at him and said “I hope you are making the right choice. Your father won't be best pleased otherwise.”

“Mother! Sakura happens to be the love of my life, and me hers. I don't think that she would leave me that easily,” he knew that Sakura would definitely not have been his parents first choice of partner, but he loved her. And was not about to let go of his love. Not even if his father ostracised him from the family, he deserved to be happy at least every once in while. Not like his father actually cared about him of course, him being so obsessed with his 'perfect' older brother, pressurising him into being his father's apprentice and future head of the multi million dollar Uchiha Empire. So Sasuke was almost completely ignored except for the occasional “Good morning” or “Hn” when ever Sasuke tried to get his attention.

“Well just have fun tonight anyway. And don't do what your brother does, when he goes out. I don't think I could take having both of my son's being like that.” She hugged her youngest son smiling, “I need to take the obligatory prom photo before you go.” Sasuke rolled his eyes as his mother brought out the digital camera and cajoled him into smiling. “There, now you can go!” After one last embrace, Sasuke rushed out of the room, picking his bouquet of red roses on the way, opened the door, and nearly ran his father over.

“Dad? What are you doing here?” His father raised an eye brow on his otherwise passive face.”I'm here to say to you that if i hear that you have done something stupid, i shall not be pleased.” Sasuke looked up at him like a fish, mouth opening and snapping shut. But he ran past him, wanting to be on time to pick up Sakura. Unfortunately he was barricaded by his fathers arm. “Don't run away when i am speaking to you!” was hissed at him. All the "i"s here need to be "I"s.

“You don't care about me at all do you?” Sasuke yelled back wiggling to get out of his fathers' grip. “Pardon?” the grip was dropped and a confused stare replaced it. “I said that you don't care about me. All you think about is the great Itachi, and never me. All of your attention is directed at him or mother, and never me. I used to look up to you, worship you, wanted the praise from you and to be like you. But now I know that I'm just a spare part in this family to you-not needed or wanted.” Sasuke could feel hot tears prickling as he bit back at his father.

“Sasuke ... what is this sudden rebellion? You are part of this family and as important to me as Itachi and your mother. Running this business, and training Itachi to run it at the same time leaves me very little time to acknowledge you being here. I do regret missing your childhood, all your firsts ... but its something I, you have to forget.” Fugaku was getting increasingly uncomfortable with this conversation, him being not used to communicating his personal feelings.

“Thank you.” Sasuke drew his father into a bear hug burying his head into his chest. “That's all I wanted to hear from you. I am at peace now.” He felt his father slowly put his arms around him. Fugaku didn't know what to say, as he looked at his wife smiling supremely at him. “I'm going to be late!” Sasuke withdrew from a flustered Fugaku, and ran down the stairs to the front down and flew through it

“Why are you smiling like that Mikoto?” he was highly suspicious of his grinning wife. “I took a picture ...” she simply explained smiling even wider as her husband stepped towards her and embraced her “... I knew you'd do that!” he smiled into her ear.