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Warriors Fanfic: Shrouded Sun Chapter 3



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Fri May 09, 2008 1:51 am
cat4prowl says...



Chapter 3- Prophecy and Punishment
A solitary cloud began drifting towards the moon. As it entered the path of light, darkening the clearing, the cats below began to panic. Like some dark hand gripping the moonshine, a hand of fear and forewarning gripped the cats.

“Thornstar! StarClan has spoken, control the apprentice!” Whitestar commanded, his voice clear and sure.

Thornstar snarled and fixed the furious Sunpaw with a steely gaze. Sunpaw held it for a moment, then bowed her head obediently. I’m going to be crowfood! She thought, scrambling back towards the other BurnClan cats.

“My apologies,” Thornstar mewed, tail twitching angrily, “Stormstar?”

The brown-flecked tom stepped forward, “BreezeClan is well. The Twolegpath near our border is less active, prey is plentiful, and our warriors drove out a badger not long ago. We had a small case of greencough, but Brushfire took care of it.”

With a sweeping gaze that landed briefly on Sunpaw, he stepped back.

“If no cat has anything else to add, I suggest we go. Before StarClan becomes angry again,” Rainstar meowed, looking down at Sunpaw with a glint in her eyes.

Sunpaw’s neck fur bristled, but she closed her eyes and bit her tongue.

“Wait!” Owlpelt mewed, a tone of uncertainty clear, “I-We have something to say; a message from StarClan.”

Brushfire stood and followed Owlpelt towards Sharprock, joined by Shortfoot and Bluepool. All medicine cats.

“On our last journey to Starlit Caverns, the Moonfalls gave us a prophecy,” Shortfoot, the medicine cat of RockClan, began.

“We’ve decided it concerned all the Clans,” Bluepool explained.

“Because we all received it,” Brushfire added.

They glanced at each other and then recited together, “Beware, when life is tainted, weakness will wane to strength and the embers of blood will flare up again.

Whispers rippled through the crowd, “Life? How can life be tainted?”

“Embers of blood?

“Maybe there will be a sickness!”

“Or a fight… a fire!”

“What is StarClan telling us?!”

“Quiet!” Stormstar ordered, “There are many ways we could interpret it, but let’s see what Brushfire and the others think.”

“We’re not sure,” Bluepool answered, “It could mean anything.”

“For now,” Whitestar suggested, “We should be on our guard. But speculating will do us no good.”

“I agree,” Thornstar nodded, “This Gathering is over.”

The leaders leapt from Sharprock, gathering their Clans quickly and leaving immediately. There was a tense hunch in the cats’ shoulders, a distracted uncertainty in their pawsteps.

Sunpaw slipped over to Brightpaw, whose tail shot up as soon as she spotted her sister. Apparently, Brightpaw had been wanting to talk to her.

“Sunpaw! You’re going to be in so much trouble!” She mewed, brushing her pelt worriedly against her sister’s.

“I know,” Sunpaw snapped, then her tone grew worried, “What do you think he’ll do to me?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

The unfamiliar mew came from behind them, making both cats jump. Sunpaw stumbled, struggling for balance, before placing her three paws firmly on the ground. Her fur heated with embarrassment, and she glared over at the apprentice who interrupted them. Thistlepaw, Thornstar’s son and the most valued apprentice of BurnClan, stood giving her an encouraging look.

“Who asked you?” Sunpaw hissed, at the same moment Brightpaw asked, “Why not?”

The handsome, golden-brown tom hesitated, then mewed, “Well Thornstar can’t do anything too ridiculous, especially to her. She’ll probably just have to help with the elder-”

“Especially to me?! What, because I can’t handle a harsher punishment? If there’s one cat he wouldn’t punish properly, it would be YOU!” Sunpaw snarled, her fur bristling.

“What, because I’m his son? And you think it would be better for him to be the leader who unfairly punished a new apprentice?” Thistlepaw replied calmly.

“Like he cares,” Sunpaw muttered.

“What does that mean?” Thistlepaw snapped, obviously growing irritated.

“It means your father’s a heartless mouse brain and you obviously take after him, foxdung!” Sunpaw hissed immediately, her claws out now, muscles tense.

“At least I’m not a three-legged kit who couldn’t hurt a fly!” Thistlepaw spat and started circling her, his claws out as well.

“I don’t have to be able to hurt a fly to take you on!” Sunpaw yowled, launching at him.

It was a good jump, well-timed and strong enough to knock him over, but Sunpaw didn’t hit him. Instead, she collided with a hard, dark-streaked shoulder.

“That’s enough!” Marblepelt yowled firmly, knocking his daughter to the ground, “Sunpaw! Have you no self-control? You deserve whatever punishment Thornstar gives you, now BEHAVE!”

Sunpaw flattened to the ground obediently, but her ears were flattened and her lips set in a snarl. Marblepelt glared at her, then hissed and stalked away towards the other warriors.

With a glance back at Brightpaw, who looked stunned, Sunpaw limped forward. Behind her, she heard Brightpaw mewing softly and apologetically to Thistlepaw.

Sunpaw stared forward the rest of the way back to camp, a snarl consistently raging in her throat.

* * *

“You! Come here,” a voice snapped, startling Sunpaw. She rose guiltily from her spot near the apprentice den and followed Thornstar wordlessly as he led her towards the leader’s den.

“What am I going to do to you?” Thornstar snapped, glaring at the young apprentice.

Sunpaw didn’t answer, kept her eyes down.

“First, you challenge a Leader! And StarClan sends clouds to cover the moon because of an apprentice?!” he accused, anger lashing out in every word.

Sunpaw remained silent, staring at a bug that was making a trail in the dirt. Her eyes followed as it flew to a nearby leaf, then up into the sky. Into freedom! But then, as it approached the moon, it flew into a spider web. She watched it struggle for a few moments until the spider began to creep forward.

Shuddering, she looked away quickly.

“As if that weren’t enough,” Thornstar continued, “You attacked Thistlepaw! You’re impossible!”

Sunpaw closed her eyes, feeling fear grip her heart.

“Still, you are young and foolish. Your mentor will teach you better. For now, you will be stuck in camp. With the elders. You will live in there with them and never leave unless you are going to get moss or something for their ticks. You will do everything they say, and eat last from the freshkill pile.”

What?! I can’t do that! I have training… Then she bowed her head, “Yes Thornstar.”

“Good. You start now,” he dismissed her.

With a heavy heart, she bounded toward the elder’s den.
Last edited by cat4prowl on Tue May 13, 2008 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Tue May 13, 2008 12:02 am
alicat159 says...



Again, I loved this piece!

cat4prowl wrote:They glanced at each other and then recited together, “Beware, when life is tainted, weakness will wane to strength and the embers of blood will flare up again.


I loved this prophecy! It's vague and makes the readers wonder what it truly means. Wonderful!
:D

Here's a few flaws.

cat4prowl wrote: Brushfire stood and followed Owlpelt towards Sharprock, joined by Shortfoot and Bluepool. All medicine cats.

“On our last journey to Starlit Caverns, the Moonfalls gave us a prophecy,” Shortleg, the medicine cat of RockClan, began.


First, you referred to the RockClan medicine cat as Shortfoot and then Shortleg. A minor flaw, but it catches people's attention.

cat4prowl wrote:Sunpaw stared forward the rest of the way back to camp, a snarl consistently raging in her throat.


This sounded sort of awkward.


ccat4prowl wrote:“Still, you are young and foolish. Your mentor will teach you better. For now, you will be stuck in camp. With the elders. You will live in there with them and never leave unless you are going to get moss or something for their ticks. You will do everything they say, and eat last from the freshkill pile.”


This was an odd punishment. Normally Clan leaders make apprentices do extra duties; hunt first, eat last (you did include the eating last factor); or make them train longer and harder while doing all of the previously stated.

Wonderful piece!

:wink:
Alicat159
  





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Tue May 13, 2008 2:08 am
cat4prowl says...



Thank you for critting all my work. =^-^= Especially about the prophecy, I was hoping people would like it!

Anyways, *ahem* the punishment was uhh meant to be odd and harsh. She challenged a Leader at a Gathering! Plus that's just how Thornstar rolls...

So yeah anyways just thought I'd defend myself haha. Fourth chapter should be coming soon! Thanks again!
  





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29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 29
Sun May 18, 2008 8:04 pm
alicat159 says...



Haha. Okay. I guess the punishment makes sense then.

Anyways, I can't wait to read chapter 4! PM me when it's ready. I'm shaking with anticipation! Haha.

:D

Alicat159
~ "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." -- Duck Soup
~ "Was she in there before you baked it?" (Gomez refers to the girl popping out of the cake at a bachelor party) -- Addams Family Values
  








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