Chapter 8:
Axel and were behind a nearby rock watching the events unfold. Axel watched through the scope of his sniper rifle. “Man, he is really kicking their a**es.”
“How come I never get the f*cking sniper rifle?” Hank asked.
“You know,” Axel said, ignoring Hank’s comment, “After seeing him in action like this I’m really glad Tex is on our side.”
“Sure makes things a lot easier on us,” Hank said. “So, did Tex get into the base?”
Axel looked through the scope again to see their leader go into the enemy’s base. Soon after Tex was inside two soldiers, one in red armour and the other in brown, went in after him. “Uh-oh…”
“What?” Hank asked. “What’s uh-oh?”
“Looks like Tex is in trouble.” Axel put away his sniper rifle and made his way around the rock they were hiding behind. “Come on, let’s go help him.”
“Uh… didn’t Tex say he was going to kill us when he comes back?” Hank asked. “Isn’t this a good thing?”
“Once they kill Tex where do you think they’re going to go next?” Axel didn’t wait for Hank to answer. “That’s right, they’re going to come after us. And five against two isn’t very good odds for us. Would you rather be killed by Tex or by them?”
Hank was silent for a moment before saying, “Is that a trick question?”
Axel sighed and said, “Let’s just go!”
Meanwhile, inside the base…
“Freeze.” The enemy turned to see Serge aiming a shotgun at him. Lopez came around the other side with his battle rifle. Together they had the enemy trapped. “Drop yer weapon,” Serge said.
The black armoured soldier did what he said and dropped his gun. Serge came up to the enemy, keeping his shotgun pointed at his head. “Hey, buddy.”
“What?” Serge asked.
“You really better hope the first one knocks me out.”
Serge smacked the butt of his gun against the enemy’s helmet, effectively knocking him out.
Meanwhile, on top of the base Grif and Simmons were coming to. “Oww… What the… my freakin’ head… Jesus…” Grif looked around to see Simmons kneeling over Caboose.
“He’s hurt, Grif,” Simmons said. “He’ll make it, but we need to get him some help fast.”
“Yeah, yeah, hold on a second. What happened here?” Grif asked. “First Caboose’s head exploded, then you fainted, and then some invisible thing showed up and-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. I did not faint, something knocked me out.”
“Okay, fine, keep lying to yourself. Whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“Man, just go find Serge,” Simmons said. “We need to get Caboose out of here.”
“Yeah, sure.” Grif made his way down the ramp. Half-way down he stopped and came back up. “Oh yeah, I’m fine by the way, thanks for asking.”
“Whatever, no one likes you anyway.”
Axel and Hank were hiding behind another rock, this one closer to the enemy base than the other one. Axel saw the orange guy making his way inside the base through the scope of his sniper rifle. The maroon guy followed soon after. “Yeah, he’s definitely captured,” Axel said.
“Well this is just great,” Hank said. “If they kill Tex and she comes back as a ghost, she’s going to kill us!”
“Wait,” Axel turned face Hank. “What do you mean, if they kill her and she comes back as a ghost? Ghosts aren’t real, you idiot!”
Grif and Simmons found Serge and Lopez watching their new prisoner. “Serge, we need to get Caboose airlifted out of here,” Simmons said.
“Could you put that in a memo and entitle it sh*t I already know!?” Serge shouted. “Get a hold of command!” Serge looked back to the black soldier to see him stirring. “Well, look who’s up. Rise and shine, buttercup.”
The enemy’s helmet started to spark and make weird noises. When it stopped the soldier said, “Oh, great. You broke my voice filter, you c*ckbiting f*cktards!” His voice was no longer a man’s voice. It was a woman’s.
“I knew it!” Grif said. “Only a chick could give you a headache this big!”
The enemy looked from one person to another and said, “What’s the matter, you never seen a girl before? How long have you guys been out here?”
Serge turned to Grif and Simmons and said, “You two stay here with the prisoner. Me and Lopez are goin up top to see if anymore enemies are comin.” He turned to Grif and said, “And guess whose gonna be riding the jeep from a rope tied to the bumper when this is all finished.”
“Hey, how was I supposed to know there were enemies in this canyon?” Grif asked.
“Because it was your job to scout the entire canyon,” Simmons said.
“Shut up, no one asked you.”
“Come on, Lopez. Grab a sniper and let’s get up top.” Lopez grabbed one of the snipers leaning against the wall and followed Serge onto the roof.
Grif and Simmons were left with the prisoner. “Soooo… wanna play twenty questions?” Grif asked.
The enemy looked at him and said, “Go to hell, dumba**.”
“Okay, so what’s our plan?” Hank asked.
“We sneak up around the base while they’re not looking and get inside to free Tex.”
“That’s it?” Hank asked.
“Yeah, why?”
“It’s not a very thorough plan, is it?”
“Would you like to hear plan B?”
“What’s plan B?” Hank asked.
“The plan where you act as a distraction. While they enemy is pumping you full of lead I sneak in and free Tex.”
“I like the first one better,” Hank said.
“That’s what I thought. Now shut up so I can think. We’re going to need to time this right if we’re going to- ah crap, they’re coming out. Move! Move!” They rushed out from behind the rock to hide behind a closer one. They kept moving from one rock to another, getting as close to the base as they could.
“Man, is everyone in this canyon this stupid?” D asked as he watched the two black armoured soldiers scurrying across the field. “Well, considering my team is just as stupid it looks like I’m going to have to lend a hand.” D followed the two enemies. He made sure he was invisible so they wouldn’t see him.
“Lopez, do you see something out there?” Serge asked. Serge and Lopez were standing on the roof of the base, the same place where Caboose was injured by the grenade.
Lopez just looked at him.
Meanwhile inside the base Grif and Simmons were having a discussion. “There’s no ‘l’ in it, it’s pronounced boast,” Simmons said.
“That’s what I’m saying, bolst!” Grif said.
“Boast”
“You sound like such an a** the way you say it.”
“Grif,” Serge said, “quit yer yammerin and get yer keester up here! I need some help. Got more of them black armoured fellas head‘n twards the base.” Serge looking down at the two from the hole in the top of the base.
“As in more than one?” Grif asked, his voice thick with worry. “Uhh… maybe we should bolst go, sir.”
“Boast!” Simmons corrected.
“Seriously, like an a**!”
“Well, well, another brilliant idea from the think-tank,” Serge said. “Why don’t ya both come up, leave the prisoner alone? We can just put her on the honor system, have her guard herself.”
“Good point, sir.”
“Yer goddamn right it is!” Serge yelled. “Now get yer a** up here! We got just enough time for me to spray paint the bulls-eye on yer back… uh… by bulls-eye I of course mean camouflage. Now move it, cupcake!”
Grif sighed, “Yeah, I’ll be right up.” He left Simmons to guard the prisoner on his own to join Serge and Lopez on the roof.
Axel and Hank peered around the new rock they had found for cover to see the orange armoured soldier walking around the base to join the others on the roof.
“Hey, one of them just left the base,” Hank said.
“Yes, I can see that,” Axel said. “Let me think. We might be able to us this to our advantage.”
D was making his way toward the two enemies. Okay, all I have to do is possess one of them and use his body to kill their boss. D thought. Shouldn’t be that hard. I think I’ll take the one on the left. He crept up behind the one named Axel and got ready to take over his body.
“Okay, so here’s the plan. When I say three we- Grgrkrrk!”
“Grgrkrrk?” Hank asked. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Uh… nothing,” Axel said. His voice had changed. “Let’s just try to get closer.”
“Hey Axel, what’s wrong with your voice, man?”
“Nothing,” he said.
“Are you sure? You sound different.”
“Uh… maybe I’m coming down with a cold. *cough* Anyway, let’s just try to get closer.”
Grif was looking through the scope of the sniper Lopez had been using to find the enemies Serge was talking about. “I don’t see any- uh oh. Yeah, there they are.”
“What are they doing?” Serge asked.
Grif watched them through the scope. One of them dropped to his stomach and started crawling. “Uh… one of them is crawling.”
“What the- get up!”
Hank tripped on a rock and had fallen on his stomach. “Oww… I think I twisted my ankle.”
“You’re fine, just get up before they shoot you!” An idea occurred to him. Wait, if he get’s shot that just saves me the trouble of doing it myself later. “Nevermind, keep crawling. It’s harder for them to shoot you if you’re that low to the ground.”
“They’re definitely special ops of some kind,” Serge said. “I haven’t seen troop movements this coordinated since my days on Samwhakgkerehk!”
“Sir, are you okay?” Grif asked.
“Uhh… who are you talkin to, Grif? Me?” Serge asked. His voice had changed.
“No, I’m talking to Lopez. Because, you know, that’s real rewarding.” Lopez tried to hit Grif with the side of his gun. Grif took a step back to avoid being hit. “Hey, what did I tell you about that?”
“Oh, I’m… I’m fine. I’m just so made about these, uh, goddamn enemies out here. I’m so goddamn mad, I could spit!” Serge made a spitting noise.
Grif and Lopez both stared at him. “Um, sir, did you just spit inside your own helmet?” Grif asked.
“Uh, yeah. I guess I did…”
“Permission to speak freely, sir?”
“Go ahead.”
“That’s really f*cking gross.”
Serge sighed. “Whatever, I’m goin to escort the prisoner out of here.”
“…Why?” Grif asked.
“These guys are obviously tryin to rescue their leader, I’m goin to get her out of here so they won’t find her.”
“Uh… wouldn’t it just be easier to stay here and shoot them when they get close enough?” Grif asked.
“Are you questioning my authority?” Serge asked.
“…Yes.”
“Noted, now stay up here with Lopez.” Serge down the ramp and into the base where Simmons was guarding the prisoner.
“Okay, let’s stop here.” D and Hank hid behind the closest rock to the base. D pulled out Axel’s sniper rifle. “I’m just going to use the scope to see- what the?” Serge was escorting Tex out of the base. “What the hell is Serge doing?”
“What do you see?” Hank asked.
D ignored him. “Wait, this is perfect. I can just shoot her right now!”
“Her? Don’t you mean him?”
“Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate!” D zoomed in on Tex’s head and readied himself to fire. “Alright, say good night.”
Hank suddenly sneezed. It startled D and caused him to slip. His finger pulled down on the trigger and the gun went off. The bullet went right through Serge’s head. “What the- oh you‘ve got to be kidding me!”
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