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TIGWS: Rise of the Rebellion



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Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:25 am
PsychicNinja says...



Lira looked out at the blue streaks of stars passing by. The Dagger had safely been traveling trough hyperspace for a few hours now. Kwest had gone to his cabin to rest, leaving Lira in the cockpit by herself.

She sat in the pilot’s seat, watching the blinking lights on the control panels. Lira stretched back and propped her feet up on the co-pilot’s chair. The cockpit of the S-15 Cruiser wasn’t too spacious, but four persons could fit into it nicely. Sitting there, Lira thought about all that had happened in the past few months.

A lot, Lira thought. Too much has happened so fast.

She sighed and laid her head back. Kwest must be up now. I’ll go see what he’s up too.

Lira took her feet off the other chair and keyed the door. Walking out of the cockpit, she stepped past the cargo rooms on her left and her cabin on the right, all the way to the end of the hallway. On her right was Kwest’s cabin. Lira was about to knock, but she noticed that her friend was sitting in the lounge in the room at the back of the ship.

“Hey, Kwest!” Lira called, walking over to him.

“Oh, hi, Lira,” Kwest mumbled. He was tinkering with something in his hand.

“Did you have a nice rest?” Lira asked.

“Well, I only really rested for about fifteen minutes,” Kwest replied.

“Oh.”

Lira looked around the lounge. Kwest had designed and decorated the Dagger exactly how he wanted it, making some few changes in the past months. As she thought about it, this was Lira’s first trip in the newly redecorated S-15. Kwest had removed the old couches, and had put in two gray yuza skin sofas instead. These were in a semicircle, facing toward the hallway leading to the forward part of the ship. In front of the sofas was a 3-D display module that could project the GalactiGrid.

Since the Zatship Drive Yards business was booming, Kwest had bought many expensive carpets and paintings from different planets and had embellished the room with them. Despite all the wonderful works of art Kwest had added to the ship, it still had the simple, metalloid walls of a starship.

“I like how you redesigned this room, Kwest,” Lira commented.

“Thanks,” he said, still looking down at the cylinder in his hand. He studied the metal tube, twirled it in his fingers, and then made a few adjustments with the tool he had brought with him. Kwest had been doing this continuously for the past half an hour or so.

Lira made a face, sighed, and watched Kwest. “What’s wrong?”

He looked up. “Hm? Oh, I don’t know…”

Lira pointed her head toward the cylinder. “What’s wrong with it?”

“Oh, nothing. I just dropped it a few months ago, and I’m just getting around to fixing it,” Kwest answered, giving out a short snort.

He held up the object. Lira could see that he had been tweaking at the intricate metal carvings on it. Kwest pressed a button, and the metal cylinder ignited, emitting a vivid lime-green blade.

They both stared at the glowing blade for a few seconds.

“You dropped it?” Lira prompted.

“Okay, well I was working on a Spinwing, and it fell off my belt. And-“

“I’m just joking!” Lira laughed and patted Kwest on the shoulder.

Kwest closed down the plasmasword and hooked it back on his belt.

There were a few moments of silence, then Kwest said, “So where’s your plasmasword?”

“Oh, I don’t really keep it with me very often. I’m sticking to the old blaster until I get the feel for it,” Lira explained.

“Have you practiced with it lately?” Kwest asked.

Lira snorted. “Have you? These times are way to busy for me to do any of the things I want to.”

Kwest sighed. “Yeah.”

Suddenly, a control panel on the side of the wall started blinking and beeping.

“That would mean that we’ve arrived at Zorrac,” Lira declared.

Kwest followed Lira to the cockpit and sat down in co-pilot’s seat.

Pulling a few levers and pressing a few buttons, Lira brought the Dagger out of hyperspace. Before them lay Zorrac, a relatively peaceful deep blue planet.

Ah, thought Kwest. Back home again. He had always loved the feeling of getting back where he belonged.

“There it is,” muttered Lira. “You know, I better contact Cere and tell him we’re on our way. We haven’t even talked to him since we left!”

She was about key in Cere’s contact number, but the sound of incoming starships stopped her.

Out of nowhere, four WASPs, or War Associated Security and Patrol spacecraft, burst away from the planet. They were headed straight toward the Dagger.

When they were still a while away, the comm beeped, and an automated voice began to speak. “Unidentified spacecraft, you shall come to the Imperial base for further questioning. If you do not comply, we will use deadly force. “

Lira and Kwest glanced at each other.

“Oh, great. How are we gonna to get out of this one?” Kwest mumbled.

“I don’t know, Kwest. We might end up having to destroy the WASPs! That would get them really pissed,” Lira said, agitated. “Should we tell them who we are?”

Kwest shrugged. “Dunno. I think they already know, though.”

Lira keyed the comm. button. “This is Lira Thell-Ellis piloting the S-15 Skycrusier. We will comply with your requests, but only if you tell us why we are being questioned,” she improvised.

“That information is classified,” was the mechanical voice’s reply.

Lira held down the ‘mute’ button on the keypad.

“Lovely,” Lira muttered, rolling her eyes.

Kwest bit his lip and looked at Lira to find her looking at him.

“What do you want me to do?” he asked, frantically.

“I don’t want you to do anything! What do you think we should do?” Lira pushed.

Kwest grunted. “Well…-“

“If you do not reply with in thirty seconds, we will have to disable your ship and bring you in ourselves,” the droid suddenly interrupted.

Kwest banged his fist down on the arms of his chair. “Lira, you genius, think of something!”

She crossed her arms. “Oh, and I suppose you always have a plan, right? You’re overreacting, Kwest,” Lira countered.

“Ten, nine, eight, seven…”

“Well, Kwest, it seems we have no other choice,” Lira decided.

“One.”

Lira quickly flipped the Dagger around so that she was facing two of the WASPs and so that the other two were on her two sides. Pressing a combination of keys, Lira opened panels on the outside of the Dagger, and blaster cannons unfolded like arms from the left and right sides of the ship.

Then she open fired. Two of the green laser blasts instantly nailed the engines of the WASP closest to the Dagger. It blew up in a fire of orange and red smoke. That left three of them. Kwest gave out a yelp for joy.

“Good job, Lira! Geez, you’ve barely piloted this ship, and you’re already pretty good with the controls! How do you learn so fast?” Kwest asked.

“Kwest, jam the transmissions,” Lira ordered, still concentrating on flying. Kwest complied.

Lira angled the ship on a forty-five degree angle and boosted the sublight engines to put some more space between the Dagger and the WASPs. The three remaining enemy ships quickly regrouped and headed after Lira and Kwest. Inside the ship, Lira smiled to herself. This was exactly what she hoped the dumb droid pilots would do.

She slowed the ship to a casual flying speed. This seemed to have caught the pursuing WASPs by surprise, and they slowed their engines as well. Lira’s smile grew even wider as she mentally counted to ten. Nine. Ten.

As quickly as she could without losing control of the cruiser, Lira put the ship into a steep dive. They were very near to Zorrac now, and the Dagger was heading towards the planet’s south pole, away from the capital and Galaptillos. This sharp maneuver seemed to scramble the WASPs’ droid pilots’ mechanical brains, and the ships had cut their engines and were floating dead in space.

Kwest gripped the arms of the copilot’s seat as his stomach lurched. Even he had been caught off guard by Lira’s maneuver. All this had happened over twenty seconds, and by the time the Dagger was heading back toward the confused WASPs, the three ships were powered up, heading forward into what seemed like a head-on collision with the Dagger. Lira had leveled out the ship now, and Kwest gave a moment to collect himself.

“Wow, Lira…”

Lira bit her lip. This was going to be a tricky move. She just had to pull it off, and they could head away. The downside was that the WASPs had probably relayed a message to the Dark Empire base about the Dagger. Things might get ugly.

“Um, what are you planning to do?” Kwest asked, confused. He was a pretty good pilot himself, and he knew what he would do in this situation. But Lira didn’t seem to have the same thing in mind as he did.

“Just watch. Watch and learn,” Lira replied. Kwest glanced at Lira to see that she was smiling again.

The space between the on-coming ships was closing rapidly, and Lira knew what to do. She found herself thinking about what the WASPs had in mind. Were they just suicidal (if that can apply to droids)?

Lira shook her head. She couldn’t think about that now. She had to focus.

As the ships were almost nose to nose, the Dagger did a side-ways roll out of the way of the incoming starships. During the same time, Lira managed to squeeze out a volley of fire to hit two of the WASPs, the lead and the right wingman. The WASP on the right immediately exploded, but the lead was only hit on the wing. It spiraled out of control and headed toward the remaining WASP. The two collided and debris dissipated around the Dagger.

Lira guided the Dagger away from the explosions and toward the blue oceans of Zorrac.

Kwest looked at Lira out of the corner of his eye. His mouth was slightly agape. Lira couldn’t help smiling to herself once more. Kwest recomposed himself.

“That was a lucky shot! And a risky maneuver,” Kwest said.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Kwest,” Lira returned. “Oh, and in answer to your earlier question: I’ve practiced in the simulator.”

“Oh, okay. Well, it looks like we don’t have to practice in the simulator anymore. We have real targets.”

“I would seem so,” Lira agreed, grunting.

The Dagger slowed down and headed toward Galaptillos. Kwest turned off the transmission jammers.

“Should we contact Cere? I wonder what’s going on with him and ZDY? I’m guessing the Dark Empire has control of the planet now, judging from that last encounter,” Kwest said.

“I’m not sure, “Lira replied. “Maybe we should when we get closer to Galaptillos and we’re in the Scramble Zone.”

Kwest nodded. He knew that the Scramble Zone was an area around the island that scrambled the frequencies of transmissions being sent and received. That way others couldn’t talk to each other via transmission because they wouldn’t receive each others’ messages. Cere had set up the Scramble Zone only recently, and it had a separate operator that monitored all transmissions in the Zone. Of course, any frequency with ZDY markings could go through.

“Good idea,” Kwest concurred.

The Dagger was already skimming the blue oceans, passing other islands and cities. Kwest and Lira neared Galaptillos. When they were in the Scramble Zone, Lira keyed in the control room’s contact number. She knew that Cere would probably be there, waiting for them. They were greeted by a nervous communications officer. He told Kwest and Lira that Cere was away from the control room, meeting with a Dark Empire commander.

“Can you tell me where he is?” Lira asked, trying to sound calm.

“I believe he is in the Presidents’ Compound, Meeting Room number two, still meeting the Dark Empire officers, ma’am,” the communications officer reported.
“Okay, thank you. Can you send an encrypted message saying that we will meet him in Meeting Room Seven when he’s finished?” Lira asked.

“Immediately, ma’am,” the communications officer answered.

Shatishbek,“Lira thanked in Zorraci. Most of their employees were Zorraci, and Zorraci, like Kwest, always learned Basic and Zorraci when they were young. Lira only knew a few words in her friend’s native tongue, but she spoke more than four languages already. She ended the transmission.

“Let’s hope that those Imperials don’t press Cere to hard. But I don’t think he’ll bend under pressure, “Kwest said.

Lira nodded in agreement. She landed the Dagger into one of Zatship Drive Yard’s many landing bays. The engines of the Skycruiser died down and Lira and Kwest exited the starship.

The two walked down the long, wide corridors of the main building, which was now commonly called the Presidents’ Compound. The wide halls were nearly deserted. The few times a soldier or employee passed Kwest and Lira, he or she gave a quick salute to them and hastily walked on to their destination.

As they took the lift to the seventh floor, Kwest broke the long silence.

“I think you’ve noticed it by now, too, “he said.

“Yeah, Cere put this place in RED Lockdown. It supposed to look like a normal day at a shipyard. I think he over did it, though. Normally, there’d be lots more employees walking around. We’ll have to tell him that, “Lira commented.

“I agree.”

The lift tube opened, and Kwest and Lira stepped onto the seventh of twenty floors in compound. Unlike most of the other levels, which were very plain and simple, this level’s durasteel walls were painted a light orange. This had been a mistake, Lira remembered. When they redesigned this building, which was also the main building of Duratech, the company Kwest and Lira had brought out of bankruptcy to become Zatship Drive Yards, the durasteel company they had bought the durasteel wall sheets from had sent a batch of painted sheets by accident. Kwest, Lira, and even Cere had been very busy at the time, designing and building other parts of the shipyards, so they hadn’t paid attention to every detail. It turned out that the worker droids had put the light orange wall sheets in what was supposed to be Lira, Kwest, and Cere’s living quarters and personal level. It was totally by accident, but Lira liked that their personal level was different from all the other uniform ones.

The higher the levels became, the narrower the corridors and walls had become. Kwest and Lira turned on many twisting and confusing corridors which lead to Meeting Room Seven. The last time Kwest and Lira had been here, they had met with Elbea-Jorak, which was weeks ago. Was it really that long, Kwest thought.

The two reached the door of Meeting Room Seven, or MR7. It was locked of course. Kwest put his hand on the pad next to the door. The scan read his hand, recognized it, and the door opened.

Neither of them had expected Cere to be here yet. He wasn’t. He was probably still talking nice with the Imperials. It was something Cere was pretty good at, but the process could take a while.

As she walked around the large metal table to sit down, Lira wondered what the Imperials wanted anyway. Well, she would find out soon enough. She sat down on the plush, tall chair and leaned back. Kwest had taken his seat next to her, and clicked his heels together in an annoying habit.

Ten minutes later, with an approving beep on the other side of the door, and Cere strode in.

The door slid shut, and Cere exclaimed, “Man, those Imperials just don’t know when to stop asking questions!”

He collapsed in a chair opposite to Kwest and Lira. He rubbed his eyes.

“First they wanted to know where you guys are! Then they asked about sales and construction…and on and on!” Cere continued.

Lira narrowed her eyes. “Hello to you to, Cere.”

“Oh, sorry. I’m just tired of these guys already,” Cere apologized. He smiled. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks. So what else did they ask? Everything’s really quiet around here, “Kwest said.

“Okay, well first they asked how our sales were going,” Cere rolled his eyes, “then they asked me to give a tour of our whole construction site. Next, they really tried to push to find out where you two were and why you weren’t here…They just don’t know when to stop asking questions.”

Lira bit the inside of her lip, blinking her bright blue eyes at Cere, and Kwest put his hands in his pockets. Cere’s mouth dropped slightly.

“Of course I didn’t tell them anything important, “Cere continued. “All I said was that you were on a business trip in the Core.”

Lira chuckled to herself. “That’s pretty much what it was. It was a boring trip-if you don’t count the last part. Emperor Ovnall has all the power he could wish for. Galeon’s overrun by droids-“

“Hold on, Lira, “Cere said, pushing his hands out in front of himself. “What do you mean, “if you don’t count the last part”? “

Lira widened her eyes and looked down at the floor. Putting his arms on the large table, Kwest said, “Uh, we sorta ran into trouble upon reentry. A few WASPS…nothing I couldn’t handle.”

Lira glared at Kwest beside her. “What he means is,” she said, shifting her gaze back over to Cere, “a few WASPS wanted to bring us in for questioning, and I left them sucking vacuum out there. I guess they’re doing that to everyone coming in, right now.”

She leaned back. “Hope I didn’t cause a big mess.”

Cere smiled and sat up straight in the gray chair that matched the table. “I’m sure that the Dee Eee will have enough time to clean up. So far we gave them the slip, but…I’m not sure how long that’ll last.”

Lira stood up and flexed her shoulders back. She walked over to the end of the table across from the door and put her hand over the sensor pad on the smooth surface. A green light blinked and a soft beep sounded from somewhere under the table. Identity confirmed: Lira Thell-Ellis. The screen flashed in front of Lira’s eyes and a circle appeared with navy blue lightning bolt flashing through it. She tapped the Zatship logo with her finger.

“Cere, did they access any computer outlets or anything?” Lira asked.

Cere glanced to the right and thoughtfully pressed his finger to his lower lip. “Not to my knowledge. I showed them charts of our progress and construction on a computer like the one you’re looking at, but I didn’t see them access any ports. I had Bevi and Nikk with me and they didn’t see anything entirely suspicious either.”

“Hm…I wonder,” Lira trailed off, busy scanning the information presented to her on the screen.

“Wonder what, Lira?” Cere asked, confused.

Lira continued to watch the screen. After a half a minute, she looked up. “Cere I want you to debrief any personnel that came in contact with the Imperials. I also want to see all video surveillance tapes. We have to make sure the Imperials didn’t leave a bug in the system or even touched anything,” Lira ordered, paused, and took a breath. “Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Cere answered.
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Fri Jan 04, 2008 12:35 am
Rydia says...



Hey there Timea. To be honest, I don't think I liked this chapter as well as I did the others. There's an awful lot of dialogue and explanations and not much character and plot development or imagery. I think you need to re-read through this and see what isn't essential and then cut it. Also, Cere doesn't seem quite as mature and intelligent in this chapter. Try to be consistent.

Other than that, a few typos -

The cockpit of the S-15 Cruiser wasn’t too spacious, but four [s]persons[/s] people could fit into it nicely. [Nicely is so... vague. Maybe comfortably?]

Kwest had designed and decorated the Dagger exactly how he wanted it, making some few changes in the past months. [Either a few changes or some small changes.]

These were in a semicircle, facing toward the hallway leading to the forward part of the ship [I think you need to do some research and find out the name of the 'forward part of the ship.' I don't read a lot of sci fi so I can't help you there but it sounds rather unprofessional.]

Kwest closed down the plasma-sword and hooked it back [s]on[/s] to his belt.

“Have you? These times are way too busy for me to do any of the things I want to.”

Kwest followed Lira to the cockpit and sat down in the co-pilot’s seat.

“If you do not reply [s]with in[/s] within thirty seconds, we will have to disable your ship and bring you in ourselves,”

Lira quickly flipped the Dagger around so that she was facing two of the WASPs and so that the other two were on her two sides. [Tis is a touch awkward. Perhaps 'facing two of the WASPs; the other two either side of her ship.']

It blew up in a fire of orange and red smoke. [Perhaps cloud instead of fire or erruption?]

Kwest gave out a yelp [s]for[/s] of joy.

“It would seem so,” Lira agreed, grunting.

It's supposed to look like a normal day at a shipyard.

The lift tube opened, and Kwest and Lira stepped onto the seventh of twenty floors in the compound.

“Hello to you too, Cere.”

Putting his arms on the large table, Kwest said, “Uh, we sorta ran into trouble upon re-entry.

_________________________
Overall, I think it's quite well written but you have to be careful to read through it and don't be afraid to be a little vague in places. The reader doesn't have to know how every single scientific devise works.
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The light shines brightest in the darkest places.
  





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Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:13 am
PsychicNinja says...



Thanks, Heather (I mean Timea ^_~).

To be honest, I really just wrote and wrote in this chapter when I was in a writing mood. I know I need to space stuff out a bit, but I think I needed to explain things like the Scramble Zone, because its pretty important. I think people will get this easier if they read Star Wars books, because I pick up things from there.

Cere is supposed to be the worries-to-much, technical geek. He's under Kwest and Lira (job wise). Lira's the calm, considered genius, and she picks up details. Kwest's the laid back one.

Honestly, I think it's my favorite chapter that we've written so far, just cuz I get more into the story.

~Jedi Master Timea (I mean Heather ^_~)
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:17 am
PsychicNinja says...



*adds*

Other explanations like the orange walls, I needed to (vaguely) explain how Kwest and Lira got to be in charge of ZDY. Anyway, thanks for the grammar suggestions.^^

~Jedi Master Timea
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Gender: Female
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Reviews: 2631
Fri Jan 04, 2008 1:36 am
Rydia says...



I can understand the need to explain things, Heather, but maybe have the characters discuss the scramble zone? I think that would make it easier to digest and it wouldn't be too hard to do. Hmm, let me see.

“I’m not sure, “Lira replied. “Maybe we should when we get closer to Galaptillos and we’re in the Scramble Zone.”

Kwest nodded. He knew that the Scramble Zone was an area around the island that scrambled the frequencies of transmissions being sent and received. That way others couldn’t talk to each other via transmission because they wouldn’t receive each others’ messages. Cere had set up the Scramble Zone only recently, and it had a separate operator that monitored all transmissions in the Zone. Of course, any frequency with ZDY markings could go through.

“Good idea,” Kwest concurred.


Now this is quite a large block of text but instead you could have something like -

"I'm not sure," Lira replied. "Maybe we should wait until we're in the scramble zone."

"Good idea. I wonder why Cere decided to call it the Scramble Zone though..."

"Maybe because it scrambles communications?" Lira rolled her eyes.
That's just an example but it's much simpler and yet conveys almost the same amount of information,

Timea xx
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~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.
  








One is not born, but rather becomes a woman.
— Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex