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A wolf and his girl chapter 4



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Wed Nov 28, 2007 3:29 am
Maki-Chan says...



Chapter 4
Runaway

Raven had a bad limp when they ran, that was the only reason why Ruki could catch up with him and run with him easily. Ruki looked behind her to see a small trail of Raven's blood. They needed to get out of the city and away from the Nobles. The streets and alley ways were very dark since the street lights were rare and mostly did not work. Ruki had never been out so late before, the endless darkness was what they needed but to her it was a nightmare. She feared of what may be lurking in the darkness that surrounded Raven and her. Just then up a head of the two was a lot of gun shot noises. Raven stopped. He raised his hand in front of Ruki so she would stop as well. She quickly turned to face him afraid of what might happen.

"What is...." Ruki asked but Raven covered her mouth.
He put his finger over his mouth to signal her to be quiet. They stood there for awhile, the darkness swallowing them up along with silence. Raven took his hand off of Ruki's mouth. He then motioned them to move to the side of the alley way and against the brick wall. They crept against the brick wall, with the darkness and coldness masking their presence. Raven peeked his head around the corner, on the other side was a bunch of strange creatures. The creatures were men dressed in knight armor carrying strange shields that started from their head and almost touched the ground." Nobles..." Raven growled in a low pitch.

His blue human eyes watched the Nobles very carefully, watching for every detail. There was a truck behind the Nobles. The back doors of the truck were wide open. Ruki peeked around as well to see what was happening. In the truck the Nobles were piling wolf corpses. She was about to scream, but she covered her mouth and only managed a slight gasp. The two didn't say a word they only listened. Then one of the Nobles talked into a radio." No there's no large wolf, with black fur and glowing yellow eyes. No, instead we just killed some more wolves and piled them in the truck, might as well take their fur. You know how much the Duchess loves wolf fur. Yes I know she wants him back but its going to take some time, alright? Over." The Noble finished.

They watched as the Nobles finished loading the truck and leaving the area. When the Nobles left, Ruki noticed something wrong with Raven. She stepped towards him but stopped. Her foot stepped in a puddle. Ruki looked down. With this thought in mind." There shouldn't be a puddle in the dead of winter."
It was a puddle but not of water, it was a puddle of blood. It was Raven's blood. With all of his new wounds it opened the old ones as well. He was loosing to much blood too fast. The girl also noticed he was mostly leaning against the wall. He was starting to get dizzy."No, I can't pass out yet. I have to get Ruki out f here. I have to get away from the Nobles, I won't let them take me back to that little witch." The black haired man screamed in his head.
Ruki listened to Raven's heavy breathing, which was steadily growing more rapidly.

Raven's vision blurred, and all he could hear was the sound of chains jngling and jangling. Events of the past invaded his head. Then all he could understand was the sound of a girl's voice saying "You belong to me and only me, forever."
"Raven." Ruki whispered.
Hearing her voice broke his transe. He turned to face the little girl." They are gone, we can keep moving."
He flinched, hearing Ruki's voice brought him back to earth." Alright." He answered back.
Raven grabbed Ruki's hand as he ran towards the other side of the street.
Last edited by Maki-Chan on Mon Dec 17, 2007 3:49 pm, edited 10 times in total.
  





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Wed Nov 28, 2007 5:25 am
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Snoink says...



This really isn't a chapter. You need to develop it much more fully than this.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

Moth and Myth <- My comic! :D
  





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Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:15 pm
Maki-Chan says...



you see when I was typing this chapter I had to get off when I just started, power out and no internet and also my sister took the computer away so I will start writting it again soon.
  





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Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:51 pm
Gwenevire says...



Well...
Its good.
Maybe you should not call them by the name Noble until Raven says Nobles. Right... Because Ruki does not know what they are (Right?)

You should make the Nobles dialogue a little more efficient.
Like

"Sir we have not located the black wolf. But we have found others."

etc!

-Good work!
Genevieve
xxx
  





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Wed Nov 28, 2007 10:59 pm
Maki-Chan says...



You see in the preveois chapter Raven mentioned the Nobles. Don't worry though there is going to be more soon, as soon as I can think of more...hmmmm..... :?:
  





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Wed Nov 28, 2007 11:48 pm
Gwenevire says...



Okay...
But are my comments helping at all?
  





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Thu Nov 29, 2007 2:17 am
Maki-Chan says...



of course you are. You are like my best reader/editor and I am very happy that you help me out sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! :D
  





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Sat Dec 01, 2007 3:13 am
Gwenevire says...



Really? Aw that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside! Thank you :D
I really like where you are going with the story. I look forwards to reading more!
Please PM me once you have continued it :D
  





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Points: 1650
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Sat Dec 01, 2007 9:02 pm
Maki-Chan says...



your welcome!

I am going to definetly finish this book.

I will email you when I continue! :D
  








The last of the human freedoms is to choose one's attitudes.
— Viktor Frankl