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The Fallen Hero



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Sat Nov 24, 2007 3:44 am
MadHatter says...



Vilgax

Meg could have jumped for joy as she ran to the old door of the hide-out. The last remnant of her old life, minus her currently unconscious dad, was coming to save her. She was turning the knob when several purple spikes hit the door, spearing it in place.

“Trust me; you don’t want to go out there.” A warbled voice said from the room behind her.

“Wildvine, I know it’s not what you want me to do but honestly-“

“That wasn’t me. I believe you forgot someone. Remember us talking about Vilgax?” A tall chimera sui generis alien stood in the stairway.

“I would suggest not going outside, unless of course you like getting slaughtered.”

“What?”

“Turns out Ben sent some robots via missile to find you. They read the Omnitrix residue the transformation left on the ground, finding out everything about you. Mimicking voices is child’s play to them, just as Wildvine said.” Vilgax walked from the shadows. What once was the most terrifying villain in the galaxy was now a rundown pile of bolts and flesh. His left arm was barely attached to his shoulder. His right was replaced with mechanical odds and ends. She noted the pieces of an old toaster oven and some from a T.V. that made up his waist. All in all it was a sad sight.

“You’re Vilgax?”

“In the flesh…sort of. And if you’re worried that you’re not going to get to see Ben, don’t worry, he’s on his way.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“Spy monitors. We wouldn’t just let Ben go unnoticed. We monitor him just to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid.” He shook his head. “You should have never used the Omnitrix. Ben’s massing his forces and soon there’ll be nowhere left to run. He’s not taking any risks in getting it back this time.”


Ben smiled as his huge ship took off. Animo had done it. He had successfully created an Antitrix, a device that copied the powers of the real Omnitrix. No longer would he be beaten senseless by the Omnitrix user in the form of a colossal alien. He would be able to copy the form and become it himself. That would make the battle’s victory come quickly. The Omnitrix would be his again.
“Sir, approaching Earth. Destination time twenty minutes. What course of action shall we take?”

“Jettison capsule. Get a strike team ready. And I’ll be going.” The drone nodded and headed out the door to complete his assigned task.


“How the heck do we get out of here?”

“That’s easy.” Vilgax mumbled.

“What? You said this place was crawling with robots, and that Ben dude was coming.”

“We should tell you something else.” Meg rolled her eyes.

“You seem to say that a lot.”

“Our little hide-out here had a backup escape plan.” Vilgax motioned to Wildvine to push some buttons on the computer behind her. “It’s a spaceship.”

“Run that by me again.”

“In case of emergency we made our entire base here a spaceship so we could escape in a moments notice. Of course, over time the ship became covered in falling debris from higher levels and discarded trash.” Vilgax motioned to Heat Blast and Wildvine. “You guys go clear off the ship. Cannonbolt, get the weapon systems operational, and Grey Matter. Get this baby running.”

“What about me?”

Vilgax turned around. “Watch your father, and don’t touch anything important. Please.” He waved goodbye and headed up the stairs to the control room.


Ben strode in to the invasion capsule. Each wall was lined with seats filled with drones. A large throne-like main seat loomed ahead of him at the front of the capsule.
“Good, you’re all here.”

“Yes. Please sit down master; we’re almost ready for the drop.” Ben nodded and sat in the large throne. He buckled his seat belt and waited.

“Begin decent into atmosphere.” The drone spoke into the microphone. Several lights flashed on and off. Ben smiled. He felt the gentle rocking of the ship as the capsule began to detach. Then it struck. The huge metal shuttle ripped itself from the Vilgax 3.

“Fire up the shields.” He yelled. The drone quickly pulled a large green lever. The shuttle shook and rattled. It became extremely hot inside. “We must be entering the atmosphere.” He thought to himself.

“Entering area directly over last use. Impact in 5…4…3…2…1.” KABLAM! The ship groaned and squealed as it ripped through street after street. It flipped over and over. The feeling was that of being inside a tornado. Thankfully the metal was made in a way that only the outside would end up damaged. Entering a planet in this way was not the most cost effective way or the safest, but at least it scared the hell out of the inhabitants.

The shuttle rolled over one last time before it clanged to a stop. The drones were geared up and ready for the battle. Ben got up as quick as he could to join them. One of the leader drones pushed open the door. The world outside was covered in shadow.

Ben turned on his light on the side of his head to let him see exactly where he was. He heard a soft whirring sound and turned to see one of his robots coming towards him. “What have you found?” It replied with a strange clicking noise.

“What was that? A car that fell from the sky? Any whereabouts of the user of the Omnitrix?” It made a whirring sound and head off into the shadows. “Follow that robot.” Another beeping sound entered his sound receptors. He looked down at his wrist where he wore the Antitrix. It was glowing bright orange and beeping like mad. “It senses the Omnitrix. I don’t need that robot any more. It will lead us directly to it.”


Meg looked in amazement as her body rapidly changed into every alien the Omnitrix contained. The Omnitrix started “acting” up right after an extremely loud crashing noise outside and hadn’t stopped. Meg was scared that her dad would wake up during this and freak out. Then she felt something. The deepest felling of scared she had ever felt. But it wasn’t her feeling scared. It was the Omnitrix. The Omnitrix was scared.
Something is coming. She sensed it.

Beeping. It began as a tiny sound, but grew in strength and power. Ben was here. She didn’t know how she knew, but he was. Meg heard some shouts and some blaster rifle fire. “Oh my God…Wildvine and Heat Blast are out there!” She rushed to the door opening it. The two aliens rushed in as fast as they could. As soon as they were in they slammed the door behind them, struggling to keep it shut. She wanted to head them, but Wildvine shook his head.

“Turn into something…something big.” She nodded and looked at the Omnitrix. As if it knew her thoughts, the button atop the watch popped up with a faint hiss. This time she had a good idea what she was looking for. She turned the dial as fast as she could until she found what she was looking for. The Yangaro. One of the most legendary aliens ever to exist in the entire universe. Meg gulped and rushed out the door, slamming her hand down on the button just as she exited.

Meg immediately felt the odd changes. Her neck elongated and her spine grew out her butt to create a tail. Her legs grew in size and strength and pinky toes went up the side of her leg to become her dew claws. Meg felt a strange tingle go up her body as her skin became rough scales. Her head grew to become a very dinosaur-like head. The Omnitrix sign grew out from where her nose was and finally her human teeth grew to become monstrous fangs. She was no longer Meg Granger. She was Big Rex (she had just named it), the Yangaro.

Only after she had transformed did she finally open her eyes. The world was without color, something these great beasts had to suffer with. Meg felt something under her feet and looked down. Beneath her immense weight were several robots, all flattened. The rest of the attacking drones just stood in awe.

“Two can play at this game.” She looked up. Standing twenty feet away from her was something that looked like something out of a nightmare. It was a gargantuan metallic monster. It had an XLR8 like mask. Its fingers looked razor sharp, each curving down to a shiny point. It was Ben. Meg suddenly noticed what was on his wrist. An Omnitrix? Meg thought to herself.

“Nope. The Antitrix.” She felt the voice ring out in her head. Meg had closed her eyes for just a second, and when she opened them, Ben was no longer standing there. In his place was a monstrously huge Yangaro. It had huge cannons on its back and mechanical pieces all over its hulking body. “You like it?” Ben mentally snickered. Meg was a little freaked out by the mind conversation going on but telepathy between species was not uncommon.

What do you mean?

Oh, can’t you see. I have a counter to your little power. Anything you turn into, I get the ability to turn into as well. And I mean anytime.” Ben roared and charged at Meg. She gathered her nerves and ripped through the rest of the robots, sending their mashed bodies sailing. The two monstrous beasts collided head on. Muscles hit muscle, sending and enormous clap of noise echoing down the ally.

I will not let you get the Omnitrix.

Big talk from someone so small.” Ben smiled as he blasted her into a building with his cannons. Meg slowly got up. Maybe she should stop pretending she was a hero. If she gave him the Omnitrix, life would go back to normal. No…she couldn’t think like that. Ben snarled at her, sickly laughing.

What’s so funny?”

It’s just how you think you can beat me. It’s sad. You’ll never win.” She summoned up her strength and charged with all her might. She heaved her entire four-ton body into Ben’s. He could do nothing to prevent it. He flew up and up, crashing through wall after wall. She smiled weakly before falling to the ground having used the last of her strength. The Omnitrix signal flashed red, and she turned back into Meg Granger. The last thing she heard before blacking out was the shouts of her newfound friends and the hiss of the slowly rising spacecraft next to her.
Voldemort: You kids! If I ever find out who's calling I will tell the wizard law and you will go to wizard jail and then I'll kill you!

Harry Potter Puppet Pals - Wizard Swears
  





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Tue Nov 27, 2007 11:25 pm
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Rydia says...



I like this chapter. Some excellent action, nice descriptions and good dialogue. The portrayal of Meg is better too though you do still need to work on the other characters and your villain seems a little weak. Not physically but by way of characterization. Work on him a bit more. How does he move, how does he speak. How does he think?

Other than that, there were a few typos I found -

It made a whirring sound and headed off into the shadows.

The deepest [s]felling[/s] feeling of scared she had ever felt.

Muscles hit muscle, sending a[s]d[/s] enormous clap of noise echoing down the alley.

Altogether, it was well written and the plot is developing well if perhaps a little too quickly. Good work.
Writing Gooder

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The light shines brightest in the darkest places.
  





User avatar
141 Reviews



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Wed Nov 28, 2007 8:28 pm
MadHatter says...



thanks for your crit.
Voldemort: You kids! If I ever find out who's calling I will tell the wizard law and you will go to wizard jail and then I'll kill you!

Harry Potter Puppet Pals - Wizard Swears
  








You have to be a bit of a liar to tell a story the right way.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind