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Young Writers Society


|Alex|Tearing Up At The Seams|Gaskarth|00|



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25 Reviews



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Points: 890
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Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:20 pm
shar_shar_says_rawr says...



NOTE: I'm not sure if I was suppose to post this, If you don't know who Alex Gaskarth is, look him up or just don't read this I guess. He's the lead singer of the band "All Time Low" I love to write these kinds of story's I know I've been really off track with my grammar and spelling in my writing I'm really sorry I'm going to re-write or change the plot of "There's no blood drops just roses" story. Sorry if I frustrated you with my errors.
There probably a lot already in this note. Oh yeah and my messed up post about the grammar junk If you want to mess with me it won't be pretty. =P

_________________________________________

Veronica Barakat was a Straight "A" student in school.
She dressed her own way.
She had a love in photography and art.
She wasn't fond of cliques and drama and she never got into it.
She was a pessimist that was pretty optimistic.
She hated her brother's friends especially a boy named Alex.

Alex Gaskarth was a mess, he flunked almost every one of his classes in high school.
He followed all the trends.
He had a love for music and being an idiot.
He was always optimistic when the worst happened.
He loved "cat-fights" and drama.
He was Helplessly in love with his best friend's sister Veronica.

Two different people in the same world. Both young and reckless, not paying attention to others' lives but each others and their own. They both tried to avoid each other but little what they knew was there were going to fall "in love".
Last edited by shar_shar_says_rawr on Tue Oct 23, 2007 2:01 am, edited 1 time in total.
And if my lungs stilll let me breathe, will you be there for me?
  





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Sun Oct 14, 2007 5:26 pm
Emerson says...



Really, that seems more like a novel synopsis than a story.

First of, you have two lists. They aren't even in paragraph form, they are lists. Lists are bad! They're info dumping. When you first meet someone, you don't know everything about them, so why should we know everything about your characters?

There isn't any action in this, also, it's all telling, which is usually not good. You know "show, don't tell"?

Something that might help you, which I read about your age, is this book: Writing Fiction. It helped me so much, and I highly suggest you get a copy of it. I still go back to it now when I need help.


Best of luck!
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
  





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Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:17 pm
PerforatedxHearts says...



Ditto.

By the way, this is a fanfiction story, darling. Move it to the fanfiction board.
"Video games don't affect kids. If Pacman had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetitive electronic music." --anonymous/banner.
  





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2058 Reviews



Gender: Male
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Sun Oct 21, 2007 7:20 pm
Emerson says...



Moved to fanfic.
“It's necessary to have wished for death in order to know how good it is to live.”
― Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo
  





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Sun Jul 06, 2008 7:06 pm
DevilsDelight says...



Yes, I agree. Nothing exciting happened. =/
  








Il faut imaginer Sisyphe heureux (One must imagine Sisyphus happy).
— Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus