Young Writers Society

The previously burnt features of the Jedi had vanished, and after only a few minutes his face looked completely unscathed. As for the wound which went through his stomach, that too could no longer be seen. His hair looked slightly dirty and clothes torn in places, but apart from that, the young man looked as though he'd just washed.

The usually calm Vader was slightly worried. Not even he knew what it was. He had no time to think though as his opponent thrust his sabre at him once more. Darth Vader blocked, and then again, as he sent him crashing into the far wall. Opening the door speedily, the man locked himself on the other side, smirking at his own craftiness. Swiftly recovering from bruises, he tried to return to the bridge to continue his duel, but he could not. The door would not open. It was apparent that Vader had jammed the door.

"Don't you run, you coward!" he mocked, presuming Vader could still hear him. No answer.... The Jedi's shouting echoed off the walls. He cursed; he had attracted too much attention.

One of the Commanders walked swiftly around the corner to find the Jedi. Slightly fearful for his life (though trying not to let it show), the commander spoke.

"What is your business here?" he asked in a stern, deep voice.

"None of yours!" the Jedi replied.

"What is your name, Jedi?" demanded the commander.

"Jens Tsudari."

"Well then," said the Commander, "Now we can tell them what to put on your gravestone!"

Despite Tsudari's anger, he did not try to kill the commander, for that was not the Jedi way. But if Stormtroopers tried to kill Jens, it was a different matter.

The officer whispered into his communication device, while Jens stood in silence to see what would happen. (He predicted that if he tried to flee through a door, he would be met by a swarm of troops. He would have to wait for them to come to him...) And they did. About twenty or so soldiers armed with guns marched through the doors.

"Kill him," said the officer, without any real emotion.
All the soldiers opened fire,]each one of their shots deflected by Jens[/i], who quickly brandished his lightsabre from his belt. Throwing his cape to the side, he proceeded to attack, leaping at the group of opponents and cutting them to pieces with one slice of the blue sabre.

The remainders were also killed with the same brilliant accuracy. Horrified, the Commander backed away from the corpses of his soldiers. Jens kicked him to the floor and stared down, his large green eyes scaring the officer.

"Now I'm not going to hurt you.... If you tell me what I need to know," said Jens, although his tone was hardly reassuring. The Jedi leant closer, so that the Commander could fell his cold breath on his neck.

"W-What do you want?" stammered the officer

"Where's the one you call 'Lord Vader'?"

There was silence. The Jedi leant closer. The tension was finally broken.

"He's on Solari!" yelled the Commander in desperation.

"Thank you, Commander," said Jens. He picked up a Stormtrooper helmet.
"And-oh," he added, "You don't mind if I borrow this, do you? I'm just going to get changed."

He smiled, as he disappeared into a dark and deserted corner of the room.

Hmm..interesting. The story is getting increasing more complex!

This is much better! I notice just one grammar mistake, I think.

The Jedi seems like an interesting character! I hope you continue.

I'm going to keep reading and criting! PM me when you have the next part!

MTFBWY!

~Rogue Jedi Master Timea

Hello again! I noticed you posted the third part and had to read!

Grammar, grammar...not much grammar problems. You did pretty well with that! You must have proof-read

All the soldiers open ed fire, each one one of there shots be Jens,

"Opened" not "open ed" "Their," not "there". Also, I don't understand this second part. "Be" doesn't really belong there. Hmm..."each one of their shots aimed at Jens" may work.

At the end, I don't really see a Jedi disguising himself. Did they always do that? Maybe I'm missing something.

Characters were better here, even though Lord Vader hardly played in this part. You still did very well. Keep writing!

Jabber, the One and Only!

He had no time to think though as his opponent thrust his sabre at him once more.

I think it is unnecessary to include the word 'though' in here. Removing it would make the read feel smoother.

"Kill him," said the officer, without any real emotion.
All the soldiers opened fire,]each one of their shots deflected by Jens[/i], who quickly brandished his lightsabre from his belt. Throwing his cape to the side, he proceeded to attack, leaping at the group of opponents and cutting them to pieces with one slice of the blue sabre.

I might extend this scene. Taking out a group of stormtroopers seems like a highly dramatic event. All the cuts, slashes, and kills at close range. I would spend more time on this, after all, the Jedi is killing people up close and personal, not just slashing souless battle droids.
Then again, it may due the story credit to treat the situation with a certain degree of casualness; killing may be in this Jedi's nature or is battle-hardened enough not to feel much when doing it up close and personal. Still, I would describe the cuts and slashes dramatically, as heads and arms fall to the ground, and torsos are split.