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Young Writers Society


The Black Cobra: Chapter 1



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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 61
Tue Jul 17, 2007 7:32 am
BrokenSword says...



Thank you so much Amelia, I love getting detailed crits because when I re-read the chapter so many times I start missing some important things.

I'm starting to notice I describe things unnecessarily, and it's starting to bug me. I'll have to fix that as I keep writing.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 2
Wed Jan 02, 2008 7:19 am
Sasha Arai says...



I'm curious to see how this works out. Please update soon. You have a good sense of diction and I like that.
"Anyone can where a mask but the importance of everyone around them is to see the person beneath the mask, underneath the skin and into the heart."
  








while she was studying the ways of pasta he was studying the ways of the sword
— soundofmind