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The Pirate and The Sister: Chapter 2



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Wed Sep 22, 2010 1:41 am
Ladynagrom says...



Finally, the second chapter is out! For those of you who've read The Ruler's Heir prologue, I've finally got a basis for the story and am done procrastinating for the year, so it will be out soon (maybe) :D And for those of you who are reading this, rip it apart!


Chealsi watched, amused, as the door to her bedroom jiggled relentlessly.

"Now love, I don't mean to alarm you, but I do believe this door is stuck."

"Well you see, Captain, a certain pirate broke into my private residence last night, then insisted on using the residence he broke into to hide from the law. And now he wants to know why the door is stuck. I'll tell you why, because I have the key to the door. And I don't think I'll be letting that pirate out."

"Aye, but you see nuns are supposed to help the needy. And it just so happens you're a nun, and I'm the needy, savvy?" She rolled her eyes, and turned ready to walk away. "Wait! If that doesn't convince you it seems you've left your clothes in here...Oh this is pretty. I thought nuns were supposed to wear modest clothes?" A snap came from inside the room, and Chealsi froze, color filling her cheeks. She turned and jammed the keys into the door, running into the room. The pirate stood with a smirk on his face, dangling lace lingerie from his finger. Chealsi lunged for them, but he stepped back.
"If you don't mind love, I think I'll keep these." He said, stuffing them in his pants pocket.
"Give. Them. Back." She snarled at him. He grinned.
"Take them." He said, crossing his arms.
"It's to early for this." She muttered, walking up to him. It's useless to argue, and I can't let him have them.She thought, irritated. She sighed inwardly as she bent down, throwing back his coat and reaching into his pocket, pulling the underwear out. Standing up, she found herself nose to nose with him.
"Well love, I'll see you at the breakfast table." He said, closing the tiny gap so that their noses touched.
"B-but the sisters will be ba-" She stuttered, scooting back.
"Did you really believe that you could get away with lying to a pirate? I suspect they won't be back for weeks, right?" He laughed as her face fell. "I thought so." And with that he turned and strode to the dining room.


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Clothed once again in her uniform, Chealsi sat across the pirate, watching him wolf down his food. Watching him brought back a memory of herself.

She walked down the cobblestone streets of the town she was currently in, what was it again... ah well. She stopped in front of a bakery, her stomach growling. She stood there, torturing herself with the smell of the baking bread. She jumped at the sound of a man's voice right behind her. She turned to see a tall pale man, with a mop of blond hair, and deep black eyes.
"Miss, if you're hungry I could get you something to eat. Money isn't a problem." He said, holding up a hand at her protests. He turned and walked into the bakery, coming out a few minutes later with a medium sized loaf of bread. When they reached a table outside one of the town's many taverns, he sat watching her eating, apparently amused. When she paused for a breath, he reached out his hand.
"Johnathan Trent, glad to make your acquaintance."


"Love?" The pirate's voice snapped her out of her memories. She opened her eyes to find them misty. She blinked several times to rid herself of the tears. He probably would love to know how many painful memories he's bringing up with his eyes alone. She thought bitterly. Not only are they the same color, but they have that same look to them, as though he knows something I don't. She turned back, glaring at him.
"When are you going to leave?" She snapped. He looked up at her, his mouth full of food.
"Soon love, soon." He said, looking at her oddly. After a few minutes she began to squirm.
"What?"
"You look better in your nightgown...with your hair down."He said bluntly. Chealsi stood abruptly and, taking up the plates, checked the cupboards. Little food was in them. She turned to the Captain.
"Sparrow-"
"Captain."
"Fine. Captain Sparrow, if I were to leave, you would still be here,correct?"
"Aye."
"Would the abbey still be standing when I got back?"
"Can't make any promises with that love." He grinned at her. She gritted her teeth for the second time that day, about to ask a question she knew she would regret.

"Then why don't you come with me?" She growled. His face was smug, like he knew she would ask that.
"Right. Let's go then." He said, getting up and walking out the door. Stupid, stupid, pirate. She thought fiercely, checking to make sure she had her money. When she looked up, he was already far from the door. She ran to catch up with him.
"I think you need to get into shape, that wasn't a very far distance."
"This outfit is heavy!" She snapped.
"Then take it off." He stepped closer. "I could help you know." Irritably, she pushed him away. He only stumbled a little, then followed behind her. The trip was a quiet one. Unfortunately, as soon as they walked into the market area, people stopped and stared. It wasn't usual for a nun to travel with a person of the pirate's appearance, or a male for that matter. The shopping was fairly uneventful though, the only talking was the Captain attempting small talk. After the shopping trip, she gave one of the grocer's assistant a key and had him deliver the groceries.
"Go with him." She ordered.
"Why?"
"I'm going to see somebody."
"Who?"
"If it was any of your business I would tell you!" She growled, walking away.

************************************************************************************************************************************************

Chealsi stood in front of a woman barely older than her. She tried to get her attention, but she was to absorbed in her book. Irritated, she snatched the book out of the woman's hands.
"Hey! Oh. What do you want? An adoption?"
"No. I'm just here to see someone."
"Who?"
"His name is Richard Trent." She said. She knew that he wasn't Johnathan's son, but if she had used her last name, Near, they would have been able to trace him back to the old man, and she'd lose him for good sooner than she cared to. For now she could come see him whenever she wished. The woman flipped through some papers, searching for the small portrait that would identify Chealsi as herself.
"How old?"
"He should be about nine months now."
"It's the third door on your right." The woman said, writing down something on a paper attached to Chealsi's portrait then snatching her book back. Chealsi walked down the hall, following the directions the woman had given her. She entered the room and saw him immediately. One of the attendants was playing with him. She walked over to the attendant and tapped her on the shoulder.


"May I see him?" She asked quietly.
"I didn't know we were doing baptisms today." The attendant said.
"Actually, I'm a relative." She said. The young woman nodded, getting up. Chealse sat down and held the infant against her. The tears began to flow almost as soon as she held him.
"Sad?" He asked, looking at her. She choked a laughed and nodded.
"I'm sorry Richy, I shouldn't have left you here. But if I hadn't you would've died." She said sadly, looking at him. He took so much after the old man. He had dark, curly brown hair, and tanned skin. The only thing that he inherited from her was his large, bright blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She repeated over and over again, rocking him back and forth until he fell asleep.
Her head shot up at the sound of heavy footsteps. She turned and saw the pirate captain. She turned away, holding him.
"Yer a mother. That's interesting."
"Stay away from him, I will not have pirate trash near my son. Stay away or I swear to God that I will kill you with my bare hands."
"Aye, I understand." He said solemnly. "I'll be on my way back to the covenant then." She listened to the foot steps slowly fade. She buried her face in the boys soft hair, and rocked him gently.


************************************************************************************************************************************************

A half hour later, a puffy eyed nun stepped out of the orphanage.
"I told ye Jack followed a woman! I told ye I saw her!" A gruff voice said, to the grumbling of others. Rough hands landed on her, hoisting her up. She struggled, but to no avail.
"Why would Jack be with a nun?"
"Beats me, but now we know where to find him." Chealsi felt something hard hit her head, then the light flow of blood through her hair. She struggled to stay awake as the familiar feeling of darkness took her, but she was out before she could even call for help.

Can anyone say cheese? :pirate3:
"I take a long time in the bathroom. It's what girls do. Excuse me for my gender." - Me to my brother
  





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Gender: Female
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Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:04 am
SporkPunk says...



Hey there! I'm SporkPunk, and I'll be reviewing this today. :D

Grammar stuff:
As far as I could tell, the tenses were good, and overall the grammar was good. Oh, I forgot. In one part of the piece, you refer to the convent as a "covenant" which isn't the same thing. Just something to watch for. :D I have a couple other nitpicks:

1. Space your paragraphs
You do this somewhat, but I recommend spacing a bit more, to get rid of those daunting walls-of-text you have going on.

2. Flashbacks
When writing flashbacks, such as the thing with your MC and Mr. Trent, generally, past perfect (had walked, had been) is the correct tense to use.

Plot:
I haven't read the first chapter, but I'll give some general comments on this. I haven't seen a POTC fanfiction yet, and I liked this one. I like how you portrayed Sparrow, and the nun's secret child is a cool twist. I'm excited to know what happens.

Overall, I liked this.

Keep Writing!

~Sporky
Grasped by the throat, grasped by the throat. That's how I feel about love. That it's not worth it.

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