“I missed you,” Jacob murmured into my hair, holding me closer in his arms. It was the only warmth we received, besides the red flannel blanket that we were wrapped in as we lay on the beach near La Push. The bonfire he had built for our evening there was still going strong despite the winds coming in off the ocean, like Poseidon breathing on our huddled bodies. Yet, I was only getting warmer.
I laughed and reached up from underneath the blanket to gently caress his face, reminding him that I’d seen him last the day before.
“I know,” he sighed, resting his chin on my head. “Its just that I can’t stand being away from you. When we aren’t together, I can barely function. I just love you too much, that’s all.”
I smiled, my heart pounding faster than I’d ever felt as a soft blush spread across my cheeks.
“I don’t mind that at all,” I replied playfully, my voice throaty but smooth. I tilted my head up and kissed him, touching his face all the while to express how much I loved him.
Sometimes I found it easier to just show him my words rather tan say them out loud, not to mention the fact that it gave us a bit of privacy in what we said to each other. Of course, this tactic was completely ineffective when we were in my father’s presence, seeing as he had a tendency to eavesdrop on people’s thoughts and especially Jacob’s. After all, he was quite protective of me and, even though he’d known Jacob for just short of a decade, he wanted to make sure there weren’t any bad thoughts about me in his brain. But Jake knew this and had become very good at keeping other things in mind when the two were nearby, though he tended to think of things that had nothing to do with anything just to let my dad know he was aware of his prying mind.
We lay on the beach for some time in silence as we just enjoyed the company of one another. There was no need for words or communication of any kind. It was just that we were together that was enough to make the night wonderful…to make the night ours. But as he held me in his strong arms, I gazed absently at the engagement ring on my finger, turning it back and forth and just fiddling with it as I thought about everything that was going on in my life. In only a few days I would cease to age and would be forever seventeen, something I was apprehensively. I was madly in love with and engaged to a shape shifter. And, most importantly, my parents had no idea about it.
So many secrets for just one person.
Sensing my thoughtfulness, Jacob kissed my forehead and looked down at me.
“What are you thinking about, Ness?” he asked me softly, ruffling my curls to make me smile, though my lips soon went back to their neutral position, neither smiling or frowning.
I sighed and gently touched the back of my hand to his cheek, feeling the raw roughness of his skin. I knew he was seeing all of the turmoil in my mind as they were reflected in my thoughts. I showed him how scared and unsure I was about pretty much everything…with my engagement to him being the exception. I looked at his facial expression and saw how he was reacting to what I was thinking of. His brow was furrowed in concentration but the rest of his face remained impassive. When I took my hands from his face, he looked down at me and stared.
“You really are scared about everything?” Jacob asked incredulously, looking like he was genuinely concerned.
All I could do is nod my head.
He took a deep breath, so deep that I could feel his chest move my entire torso up and down since I was lying on him. I could tell he was lost in his own thoughts because it was almost two minutes before he said anything.
“Listen,” he started, sounding worried. “If you want to put a hold on the engagement, I won’t mind. I mean, it’s not like anyone besides us and the pack knows—“ I cut him off.
“What do you mean, us and the pack, Jake?” I asked, trying to keep my anger from boiling over.
He looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar: guilty.
“Ness,” he said slowly, trying not to trigger my temper. “Its hard to keep things from them when they can hear what your thinking almost 24/7.”
I calmed just slightly as I found sense in his words.
“So they heard you thinking about it?” I probed.
Jake sat up, leaving me lying down on the blanket.
“Well, not exactly…” he began. “I sort of told them.”
I’d been trying to keep calm but this was too much. I went off on him.
“WHAT?” I yelled, my eyes wide and my face flushed. “I’m sitting here scared to death about my parents reaction to us getting married, my own parents who I can’t even tell yet, and you thought it would be fair to tell Leah and Seth?”
Jacobs went into defensive mode.
“I knew they would find out anyways so I figured I would just save them the trouble and tell them myself. I didn’t think you’d get angry,” Jacob retorted, seeming more ashamed than anything.
“Well of course I’d get angry,” I said, feeling bad that I’d been so harsh. “Do you have any idea how it feels to not be able to tell your own parents about the most important and wonderful thing in your life because of how you think they’d react? It feels terrible, bordering on torturous. I hate that I have to keep this from them just so they don’t get mad and take it out on you but it’s worth it because I’m in love with you, Jake. I just wish you wouldn’t go telling people, even if it is only Leah and Seth, while you know I can’t tell my mom and my dad.”
I sighed and he sighed. There was a long moment that we just looked at each other, saying nothing but understanding everything. There were no words that could appropriately explain what we were saying to each other.
Then Jake broke the silence.
“I’m sorry, Ness. I didn’t want to hurt you,” he began. “I know it must have been like a slap in the face but I didn’t mean any harm by it and you know that. I’m just as in love with you as you are with me. We were meant for each other…you are a part of me and that can, and will, never change.”
And in that moment, I kissed him, deep and tenderly. His face was in my hands as our lips touched, letting the knowledge of my love for him stream into his head like a river, smooth and constant. We kissed until we had to breathe ad then we just snuggled under the blanket. I fell asleep in the arms of my soul mate and I recall my last thought being, “This is true happiness.”
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