z

Young Writers Society


Luminescence: Part Seven - A Twilight Fanfic



User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7040
Reviews: 78
Wed Sep 23, 2009 8:27 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says...



Here it is! The long awaited, much anticipated Part Seven! This one is dedicated to the wonderful AlphaGirl01, for being a loyal fan

**********************************

As I moved over to the cream couches that formed a three sided square around the TV, I was followed by Alice, who I could tell was itching to whisk Mia upstairs and play dress up. “Alice,” I begged. “You can play with Mia later! I think Jasper has something to give you, anyways.” I told her, and Jasper jumped before starting up the stairs with a smile.
“What is it?” Alice asked, and a tiny furrow appeared between her eyebrows as she concentrated. Her eyes lit up.
I laughed, and without thinking I swept through her mind and cleared away her vision, as easily as sweeping a blackboard. Her eyes unfocused and a confused expression replaced her smile for a fraction of a second. My laughter stopped immediately.
“What is it? Where’s Jasper?” She asked, and I heard the bewilderment in her voice.

Tears filled my eyes once more. “Alice… I’m sorry… I can’t believe it… I’ve done it again… sorry…” I whispered and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her head into my shoulder.
“Aimee? What do you mean? What did you do?” Carlisle asked, and I could hear the worry in his tone. I sniffed, and wiping my eyes of the backs of my hands, I began to explain.

“I met Alice a long time ago. It was 1912, and I was staying with a friend in Biloxi. They knew you, Alice, and I came to play at your house a few times. I was about the same age as your sister, Cynthia. You loved dressing her up, and as I fit most of her clothes, you dressed me up too. I saw you all of four times, but I never quite forgot you.

“It was the first – and last – time I saw you whilst I was still human. Two years later, you foresaw the death of your father in the Great War, and when the letter came to tell your mother, she admitted you to the asylum and told everyone that you had been killed in a tragic accident – you had run into the road, and been hit by a car.

“She took you to the asylum late one evening. I saw in people’s memories what you were like then, and the contrast to when you were changed was shocking. You had beautiful tan skin, and dimples, and your hair came down almost to your waist. They cut your hair and dressed you in the uniform gray clothing that all patients wore, and put you into a padded cell. Padded! You were thirteen years old!

“Christopher was working at the asylum as a way to become acclimatised to humans – he was trying to become a vegetarian, you see. He told me how good you smelt to him, but he resisted the urge to kill you, and instead gained your friendship by taking you extra food and making sure you were always warm enough – no mean feat in that drafty, empty building. He loathed the times each day, nine am and three pm, when they would drag you out for the shock treatments. He could see the visible effect it was having on you, and he was horrified. Even after three years in the asylum, they refused to grant you your freedom, and he was becoming increasingly desperate.

“I encountered you again in 1923. You had survived nine years and I was amazed. Christopher was a friend of Will’s, and so he had contacted him as soon as he realized what danger you were in.

“For you see, one afternoon, as they shocked you, a tracker was drawn to the asylum by the sound of the screams of the patients. He smelt you, and although you were appealing, it was not until he discovered that Christopher desired you that he began the hunt. Christopher knew what had to be done, and he was unsure if he had enough restraint to change you. When Will told him he was unsure if he could do it, I told them that I was almost sure I had enough restraint.

“They were amazed. I was just two years young to the new life and yet here I was claiming I could change you. But to me, you didn’t smell as appealing as you did to Will and Christopher. I remembered you from my human years, and so that night, I carried you away from that place and into the forest.

“The change was horrifying. You were almost twenty years old, in the body of a seventeen year old. Your arms and legs were so skinny I thought they would snap, and your ribs stuck out painfully. Your eyes were sunk deep into your skull, and you flinched in the sunlight. I changed you quickly, and then as you lay there, writhing in agony, I stole your memories. It was dangerous to remember, and so I wiped your memory completely and then “recorded” some thoughts. I told you your name, what you were, and what you could do. And then I melted into the shadows and left you alone, unprotected, and tried to forget you.

“When I saw you again, all those years later, I was stunned. You looked so different – the venom had filled you out, and you looked so happy! But once more, I stole away your memories, and left.

“Alice, it seems all I do is take from you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me for what I did, all those years ago…”
I trailed off. Every face in the room was incredulous, every thought stunned. I looked down, burying my head in Mia’s hair again. Suddenly Alice was hugging me, and whispering her thanks in my ear. I smiled weakly at her, and she beamed back, and I knew that she was grateful to at last know the truth.

At some point, Jasper had come back downstairs, and I noticed the curiously shaped case he carried. “Alice… your gift…” I reminded her, and she smiled again and danced over to Jasper and lifted the case smoothly from his hands. Flicking the catches, she lifted back the lid and gasped. Inside sat a beautifully crafted violin, obviously very old, with a beautiful reddish tint in the varnish. Lifting it deftly to her chin, she played a sequence of eight long notes.

Smiling up at us, she explained. “I learnt to play a short while before I met Jasper. As Carlisle studied medicine and science at night, I studied music. I had forgotten what it was like to play… my violin was lost in a fire a little while after I met Jasper. We were staying in a small town, and there was a freak storm. The whole center of town was razed to the ground…” Her eyes clouded over, and I knew she was reliving the past. I coughed quietly.

She started, and balancing the beautiful instrument deftly in one hand she leapt up to hug Jasper. I smiled secretly to myself, and just as I was about to bury my head in Mia’s hair once more, Alice had snatched her from my arms and was dancing lightly up the stairs with her, calling my name over her shoulder.

I reached the top of the stairs a fraction of a second after her, and there I stopped. Seth was sat in the mahogany rocking chair next to my bedroom door, dressed casually in an open-necked shirt and jeans. He was smiling my favorite smile, and his hair seemed longer. I fell into his arms, and I sat curled up on his lap for what felt like forever before he very gently nudged me off. “What – ” I tried to protest, but he placed one hot finger to my lips and shushed me.

Stretching out, he dropped elegantly from the chair down onto one knee, and sliding a box from his back pocket, he transferred it into his right hand and popped it open. I gasped, and my hands flew to my mouth in shock. His eyes twinkled as he spoke those famous words, and a jolt of electricity crackled through me as I heard his rich, warm voice: “Aimee Cullen, will you marry me?” he asked, and I managed to stutter an answer after a long three seconds.

“Yes,” I whispered, and tears welled up again. Gently, he took my hand in his and slid the ring onto my finger. I looked at it properly for the first time. It was obviously platinum, and embedded in it was a beautiful square diamond, flanked by two slightly smaller counterparts. Pulling him up by the wrists, I pressed my lips against his, and I felt a wonderful warmth that seemed to be coming from my very core.
Pausing to gaze deeply into his eyes, I knew that I was finally utterly content.

Inevitably, all wedding planning was commandeered by Alice and Esme, although I insisted – to Alice’s delight – that I be allowed to help. We decided on a color scheme of blue and white, with my dress to be a deep blue color, whilst my bridesmaids – Alice and Mia – would wear gray. I was forbidden to lay eyes on my dress until one month before the wedding, and when I did, it took my breath away.

It was a wonderful shade of blue, almost indigo, and strapless, with the bodice being inlaid with hundreds of tiny blue stones. The skirt fell in waves to the ground, where it was edged with a narrow ribbon of blue beading. As Alice tightened the ribbon ties on the back, I gazed at the girl in the mirror, a girl who I barely knew any more. I had changed so much in one year, had gained so much, and now I was about to marry the man I loved.

The day of the wedding dawned clear and bright. Alice began her preparations early, ready for the ceremony at two pm, and so for two hours I sat in the bathroom whilst her and Rose combed and styled my hair into tumbling ringlets and laced me into my dress. Then I was left alone for half an hour whilst Alice and Mia got ready. They returned dressed in beautiful gray dresses, each one with a soft, cream sash and delicate beading on the bodice. I was amazed. “Alice… did you intend for my bridesmaids to outshine the bride?” I asked her, half-jokingly. She shot me a withering look.
“Trust me, Aimee. Today is all about you!” she reassured, and looking in the mirror, I tried to convince myself that she was telling the truth.

My self confidence took a further knock when Esme entered. She too was dressed in gray, although this shade was closer to silver. It was a beautiful silk dress, strapless, high-waisted, with a matching silk shrug. My jaw fell open.

Smiling at my stunned expression, and obviously trying very hard not to cry, Esme hugged me carefully and handed me something. “Something borrowed,” she whispered, and looking down I saw that I held her bangle in my hands. Carefully, I slipped it onto my wrist, making sure that the family crest faced outward, and smiled at her gratefully. I went through the rhyme out loud. “Something old,” I whispered and touched my necklace. A simple white-gold chain with a heart shaped pendant embedded with diamonds on. “Something new,” I continued and stroked the soft silk of my dress. “Something borrowed,” I fingered the bangle. “Something…”
“Blue?” Carlisle finished for me.

He stood casually in the door frame, resplendent in a dark blue suit and white shirt. Carefully, he walked over to where I stood and hugged me gently. As he pulled away, he slipped a box into my hand, which I flipped carefully open to reveal a pair of platinum and blue diamond earrings. For a second I was too choked up to speak, but I finally managed to whisper my thanks: “Dad… they’re beautiful! What… where…?” I trailed off, as he smiled at me mysteriously. Alice smiled and reaching up, clipped them carefully into place. Stepping back, she surveyed her handiwork.
“Very nice,” she said approvingly, and suddenly everyone was crying again.

Sniffing carefully, I looked up at the clock and saw – to my surprise – that it was ten to two. After one final hug, Esme rushed from the room unwillingly, and the next ten minutes passed in a blur. Suddenly, I found myself stood at the top of the stairs, one arm resting lightly on Carlisle’s. I could hear Edward playing the piano downstairs, my favorite song, and I had time to whisper “I love you, Dad,” before we started our descent.

Seth stood at the end of the aisle, dressed in a gray suit, white shirt and black tie. My heart leapt as I saw him, and next to me, I felt the sudden change of emotion in Carlisle – from happiness to sadness. Don’t be sad, Dad. I’m not moving out, I’m just getting married! I told him silently, and next to me I felt him smile.
Just getting married? He asked, but before I could answer, we were at the end of the aisle, and he was placing my hand tenderly into Seth’s hot grasp. Smiling up at my husband to be, stood under a flowery canopy of cherry blossom and roses, I knew that this was truly where I belonged.

And as I was passed from embrace to embrace, I knew I had found something that money can’t buy.

A loving family.


******************************************

Sorry the ending was bad. Keep reviewing... and watch this space!
Last edited by MissMiaFacinelli on Mon Nov 02, 2009 1:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7
  





User avatar
18 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1080
Reviews: 18
Wed Sep 23, 2009 9:16 pm
AlphaGirl01 says...



Awesome, as usual. Thanks for the shout out by the way. You stuck with the plot you were aiming for in this one. I loved the ending, too. It seemed like towards the end, you were going way too fast, but it was still kind of easy to follow along. The preparation for the wedding and the actual event reminded me of Bella's wedding in a way. You most definitely need to get this published. You are very awesome at writing. Good luck with all your future works!!! :smt001 :smt002 :smt003 :elephant: :D :wink:
Sometimes two people fall apart to realize how much they need to fall back together.
  





User avatar
75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5407
Reviews: 75
Fri Sep 25, 2009 8:26 pm
Addawen19 says...



Lot's of crying, I thought vampires couldn't cry. In the end I thought the whole seven parts were ok, part one was my favorite. The rest just went by too fast and reminded me of Stephenie Meyer's Twilight with the whole having a kid bit. I didn't quite understand part seven, you were talking abot Alice recieving a gift, and then suddenly we were looking at Alice's past, and then Jasper gives her the gift, a violin, where did that come from? I thought you could have been a little more descriptive about that part, like having Alice play a note and then tell Amiee that she had developed a talent for playing her favorite instrument or something like that. I didn't like seeing Carlisle or Esme like that at all, it was to much.
Other then that, the whole thing was very creative, and entertaing for the most part, keep up the good work.
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7040
Reviews: 78
Mon Sep 28, 2009 5:48 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says...



Addawen19 wrote:I didn't like seeing Carlisle or Esme like that at all, it was to much.


OK. What do you mean by "seeing them like that"? Like what?

And too has two "o"s in.

Pgsgirl
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7
  





User avatar
75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5407
Reviews: 75
Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:36 am
Addawen19 says...



What I meant was, I didn't like seeing them so bent outta shape over this girl that suddenly appeared, it was likt at times that Carlisle and Esme loved Aimee more then everyone else. If my post came off as rude I apologize, this is your story, designed by you, and I hope I didn't sound rude.
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7040
Reviews: 78
Fri Oct 02, 2009 5:55 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says...



Don't worry!
I know what you mean.
I felt they should be slightly more protective of her as she is actually the youngest (Forever sixteen. Blerg) and as Edward has such an adverse reaction to her at first.
I was going to add in a scene about her getting kinda baby-ed by Rose and Alice and explain a bit about how Esme and Carlisle feel - maybe if I could have Alice like brushing Aimee's hair, and then tells her about a conversation she had with Jasper (who detects feelings, don't forget)? What do you think? Maybe it would clear up some stuff? And maybe Edward and Aimee should talk before the wedding - they could go for a run and stop at the top of a mountain and be looking at the view or something?

What do you think? Should I add those scenes in?

Pgsgirl

PS - I used poetic licence with the crying: it was my own addition. I felt they needed to be able to express strong emotion physically
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7
  





User avatar
75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5407
Reviews: 75
Fri Oct 02, 2009 7:51 pm
Addawen19 says...



Yea, those alterations sound good. One question, and you might have explained this in the other six posts, but, why is Edward so angry and mean towards Aimee, I mean what the heck did she ever do to him, but come and find him, and want to start their relationship off. I like the idea of Edward and Aimee going off to talk.
Your right, sorry about the crying thing.
Addawen =)
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7040
Reviews: 78
Sat Oct 03, 2009 6:06 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says...



It reminds him too much of the past: of his life as a human. Although he was happy, he thought his family were all dead and buried, and he had accepted that fact and moved on, and suddenly it turns out that Aimee ISN'T dead and it stirs up all this pain and grief, which he thought he had finally got under control, and even with Jasper's help, he finds himself in emotional turmoil - which even Jasper can't help, and it scares him, and so he reacts angrily to try and disguise the fact he feels scared.
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7
  





User avatar
75 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 5407
Reviews: 75
Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:23 am
Addawen19 says...



Ahh...I totally got it now, thanks =) makes perfect sense! You know I sometimes feel sorry for Jazz, alot is thrust on him, poor guy.
The heart wants, the body needs, and the mind suffers. - me
  





User avatar
78 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 7040
Reviews: 78
Fri Oct 16, 2009 5:36 pm
MissMiaFacinelli says...



OK fans!
(especially AlphaGirl01 and Addawen19)
To clarify the whole Alice-getting-a-gift bit:
Jasper tells Alice he has a gift for her
Alice "sees" the gift in her future
Aimee wipes Alice's vision from her mind
Aimee apologises to Alice for "stealing" her memories again

And I need to work on the "after" bit.
Any ideas/advice is much appreciated.
And an moderators: I'm not bumping, Addawen's comment popped into my head today and I felt the urge to explain it a bit.
I'm going on holiday in eight days, and some more crits before then would be appreciated.

Thank you!

Pgsgirl
Want a free, constructive review? Click here!

Got YWS?

Previously known as Pgsgirl7
  








If I were a girl in a book, this would all be so easy.
— Jo March