Young Writers Society

Omg- this is brilliant!

A little crude in humor... but all in all it's pretty hilarious. Of course, I hate twilight to the ends of this earth, so in my mind anything that hates on Bella and Edward is fine by me.
Great Job

This piece wasn't nearly as funny as the previous one, mostly because this one had more "wrong" stuff so to speak in it. Otherwise, I laughed a bit. Try to think of your OWN comical stories instead of fan fiction. Originality is key!

He finally remembers her name!
hahahahaha.
That one was amazing as well as the first.
Like i saad in my last post,


YOU MUST DO MORE!

Actually, this really sort of fleshes out the actual scene - even if you weren't going for realism, it felt more like it. I can totally see Edward having gone and stopped the van to save his keys instead of Bella, given the way he treated her chapters before.

Overall this was humorous and a nice rewrite.

HAHAHAHAH That was hilarious! Edward saving her by mistake is genius! The whole Twilight craze annoys the heck out of me! The books were ok, nothing amazing and the whole obsession with them is insane! Bravo to you for poking fun!

B: (open-mouthed) He stole your gun, aren't you going to do something?

C: (laughing) Do something? Like what? (mock-points his gun at EDWARD, who mock-panics) Freeze! You stole my gun! You might as well have raped my dog! Freeze before I make your stupid ass look like a Dalmation's, you pale son of a bitch! (laughs loudly with EDWARD as he puts his gun away)

EDWARD: oh, sorry about it being empty. My brothers were pissing me off and---

Like, freakin' hilarious!! "You might as well have raped my dog! Freeze before I make your stupid ass look like a Dalmation's, you pale son of a bitch!" <- Funniest thing I've heard in ages!

Some people who take the mick out of Twilight just aren't that funny, but you, my friend, have got it totally right. *round of applause*

As for constructive criticism - there really is nothing that strikes me as massively incorrect. Just "Dalmation's" should be "Dalmatian’s". I just loved the idea of saving the keys instead of Bella.

Please, write more!

~EmmaJane

This was so funny! I especially loved the part about the keys. LOL. This rocks. By the way, great imagination, I probably wouldn't have been able to think of about half of that. Any chance for part three?