Young Writers Society

Chapter One - The Misuse of Dementors

“Neville!” Gran shouted up the stairs, “Neville!” She shouted again a second later.

He groaned and turned over in his bed so that his face was in his pillow. This particular morning, he felt unusually exhausted for having had such an uneventful summer holiday. The only times he’d ever been remotely excited in the last two and a half months was when Bill and Fleur had their wedding and Mrs. Weasley paid a galleon for it to be featured in a paragraph on the third page of The Daily Prophet (Luna’s father was mentioned for the simple fact that the editor-in-chief of The Quibbler attended the festivity). The other time was the next day: The Daily Prophet had on the front-page the fact that Harry, Hermione, and an unknown spectator (Neville just knew this to be Ron) had gone missing the day of the wedding and of course, Rita had it that they were running away from the evils of You-Know-Who for the rest of the wizarding world to figure out what to do next. But Neville knew better than Rita. He knew that the Golden Trio was out on a mission - wherever or whatever it was - and they would come back and things would be okay in the end. At least, that’s what he hoped…

“Neville Franklin Longbottom!” he heard his gran walking up the stairs to see if he was actually awake or not.

That’s when he stretched out across his bed and lulled himself out. He groaned, “I’m up, gran!”

He was walking to the loo when his gran walked into his room and shrieked, “Neville! Do you realize what time it is!? If you bathe, make it five minutes!”

Neville winced at her harsh voice, but continued on into his loo.

An hour later…
“Neville, you look impossibly disheveled! For Merlin’s sake, tuck in your shirt!”

Neville did as he was told, like always and also for the fact that he wouldn’t be hearing her nagging at him every second of the day for the next three and a half months in just about ten minutes. He was almost relieved by that little revelation when a young woman wearing brightly-colored clothes and rather interesting-looking earrings showed up and cheerfully said, “Neville! How lovely it is to see you! I’ve missed you so much!” She hugged him. His heart soared and his stomach gave that familiar flutter he felt when he first met her on the Hogwart’s Express two years before.

He turned his head to see his gran’s face and just like he predicted, her face was contorted to an almost disgusted fashion. Neville was secretly disappointed; if gran were ever to accept another woman (besides his mother and herself) into her grandson’s life, he wanted that woman to be Luna.

“And who might this young lady be?” Gran said, her voice dominating and threatening.

Luna looked positively unaffected by this rude woman, but Neville knew what was coming. What he didn‘t see coming was Luna speaking up in her usual bright, airy voice, “I’m Luna Lovegood, Mrs. Longbottom. It’s rather nice to meet you. Neville’s told me about what happened to his parents. I think they were rather brave for what they did. Amazing, really.”

Neville blinked, open-mouthed. Gran blinked as well, but after a few seconds, she smiled and said, “Well thank you.”

“Well, I’m off. It was quite lovely talking to you, Mrs. Longbottom! I’ll see you on the train, Neville!” And with that, Luna took off skipping toward her father and onto the train.

Neville looked terrified as he turned toward his grandmum and heard something he’d never before heard from her, “She reminds me of your mother when she was that age.”

Neville’s mouth hung open. Seriously? He thought.

Gran sighed and said, “Well, it’s time you get on that train! What with all these new and ridiculous rules the Ministry and Snape have going. Ugh, I can’t believe that hook-nosed, greasy-haired man is the Headmaster; outrageous! Anyways, love, write me twice a wee. Bye,” and with that, she left, muttering things like ‘Why isn’t McGonnagal the Headmistress!’ and ‘I could be the Headmistress!’.

And so onto the Hogwart’s Express he went, looking for a compartment when he finally came to one that had Luna and a rather depressed-looking Ginny in it. He slid his trunk up on the rack overhead and sat down next to Luna: At first almost too close to her, but then he scooted an inch over, blushing madly. Luna kept a blank, far-out stare the whole time.

At first Neville said nothing, but then Luna said, “Harry’s gone and Ginny’s upset. I don’t blame her, though, it was a rather rude thing for Harry to do. Without a simple good-bye no less. But I suppose it doesn’t matter, we’ve got each other now and we must stick together.”

Neville honestly had no idea how important those words would be in the next few weeks, so for now, he just smiled and asked, “How was your summer, Luna?”

“Oh, it was nice, except for Kingsley’s Patronus at the wedding that interrupted everyone’s good time to alert us of the looming danger. Do you remember that, Ginny?” she cocked her head slightly to the left.

Ginny slowly turned to face one of her best friends and said with a grave look, “Hmm…”

Neville looked down, obviously feeling uncomfortable.

“How about you, Neville?” Luna asked, smiling at him.

Neville slightly grimaced, but went on, “To be honest, not too much happened to me this summer. I-” He trailed off.

“What did you do?” Luna asked calmly.

“I visited my parents.”

“Oh, at St. Mungo‘s! And how are they doing?”

Neville was almost shocked that someone as beautiful and intelligent and amazing and…odd…as Luna would be interested in knowing what his insane parents were up to. So, he answered her question, plain and simple, “The usual. Moping about, not doing too much. My mum still gives me her Droobles gum wrappers.”

“Oh, how sweet of her! You are quite a lucky son to be getting Droobles gum wrappers from your mother!”

Neville looked at her curiously and wondered whether this was the perfect time to kiss her or the perfect time to start backing away. Then they both heard Ginny stifle a sound that was reminiscent to a sniffle and a giggle.

Neville cocked his eyebrow and Luna started laughing a girlish laugh. This made Neville laugh. And soon the pair was laughing so hard that Ginny really got into it and then after a few minutes, Neville grabbed onto his right side and said between laughs, “My…side…hurts.”

“You know, Loon, thank you. For that. I haven’t laughed all summer and all of it just came out,” Ginny said with tears in her eyes and a big smile on her face.

Luna smiled wider, making her features brighter, if that was possible and looked at Neville and took his warm and slightly sweaty hand in her own comfortably cold hands. In his head, he was screaming ‘Hallelujah!’ and the electricity went right through him to his brain but on the outside, he was merely blushing an intense shade of red.

Ginny noticed this gesture, cocked her eyebrow, lost her that glorious smile of hers, and turned to look out the window again. Back to her monotone face.

When they arrived in Hogsmeade, Neville took down all their trunks and when they got off the train, all three immediately sensed an eerie change about the place. The lights were all rather dim, it was unusually cold for a September night, and they all felt a sudden rush of sadness.

Neville whispered to no one in particular, “Dementors,” he then turned to Ginny and asked, “What are Dementors doing in Hogsmeade where there are a couple dozen first years?”

Ginny shrugged and said, “I would feel this way without the Dementors.”

Neville came to the conclusion and muttered to himself, “This is going to be a long year.”

“Neville!” Gran shouted up the stairs, “Neville!” She shouted again a second later.

I'd get rid of everything after 'stairs'.

An hour later…

Don't show passing of time in this fashion. It doesn't work well.

...nagging at him every second of the day for the next three and a half months in just about ten minutes.

Isn't school like 9 months of the year? I guess this would make sense if he's going home for Christmas, but you'll have to mention it so we aren't confused.

The only main problem I found with this was that you made Luna a little too loony. I know that's her personality, but you took it to another level and increased how perky she sounds for some reason. I usually like Luna, but I found her a little annoying in this one.

The upsides greatly out weigh the bad, though. You integrated the Harry Potter universe well with the little mentions of Neville's parents, places from the books, etc. The characters were also more like their J.K. Rowling counterparts than most others on this sight (Even Luna, even though you took her a bit too far). With some people it's like they don't even try, but you pulled it off well enough.

Hooray! Finally, a really good Harry Potter fanfic! You have annihilated my superstition that it's bad luck to make a Harry Potter fanfic - good job! Please keep writing this, I loved it.

Chapter Two - Two Carrows and A Trio of Slytherins

As the Silver Trio walked through the gloom and fog, Neville caught sight of the loveable, half-giant, Rubeus Hagrid. Neville called out, waving his free hand in the air, “Hagrid!” When he finally caught his attention, he smiled and told Ginny and Luna to, “C’mon!”

When they caught up with Hagrid a few seconds later, Neville asked, “So what’s with all the Dementors?”

“Tha’ right foul git, Snape’s got ‘em loomin ‘round like they suppose’ to,” Hagrid said bitterly. “Anyway, I gotta get these firs’ years up to the castle, I’ll talk to ya kids later,” he said right before he bellowed out, “Firs’ years, this way!”

When Neville, Luna, and Ginny arrived in the Great Hall, Luna overheard Lavender telling Parvati in a hushed voice pointing in the direction of the staff table, “I bet those are the Carrows. The ones my mum said were featured in the Prophet.”

Luna curiously looked up at the staff table and noticed three very noticeable changes: Dumbledore was, in fact, gone; Snape had replaced him as Headmaster and now sat in the center most chair over-looking the students with such a watchful eye, you‘d think he was too proud; and two frumpy-looking wizards sat in Professor Burbage’s and Snape’s old seats having replaced them as Muggle Studies and DADA professors.

Neville noticed these changes as well and whispered to Luna, “Hogwart’s won’t be the same this year.”

And for the second time in her life - followed by her mother’s death - Luna gave a shudder. Neville politely nodded her away, Luna smiled and lightly waved him good-bye as she walked to her own table; the Ravenclaw table to join Cho Chang in a small conversation about studying habits and Wrackspurts.

As soon as the sorting was finished - there were less than half the first years that were supposed to be there due to the Muggle-Born Restriction and Regulation Law cast by the newly formed Ministry - Snape gave his first speech this year as Headmaster, “I know most of you are still grieving over the unfortunate-” at this, Snape and the Carrows exchanged looks; the Carrows smirked, “-death of your former Headmaster, but rest assured, things shall be different this year. Two members of my staff have agreed with me upon the fact that your disciplinary policy has not taught the manners that are required of Hogwart’s students.”

Neville’s eyes go wide as he understood what he meant: Harsher punishment. And with Death Eaters as professors, who knew what could happen?

Snape continued with a straight face, “I have given Argus Filch and Professors Carrow and Carrow the right to disciplinary practices. On a side note, a new curfew has been established: All students must be in their dormitories at exactly eight thirty every night; including Christmas Eve and New Year‘s Eve, getting you ready for the seven o‘clock in the morning start to classes,” at this, many students put on faces that said, ’What!? That isn’t fair!’, Snape added, “With that being said, I hope you all find this year to be an interesting one,” as he walked away from the podium, the Carrows started clapping enthusiastically and obnoxiously while the other professors reluctantly and lightly clapped with grimaces on their faces.

Neville looked at Seamus across the table and noticed he wore the same expression on his face: Fear. But Neville also had determination showing in his eyes and he was not going to let anyone he knew get hurt! He then looked down at his empty plate and a second later, there was a plethora of food options sitting on gold and black pans mere inches from his hands. He hesitated at first, wondering what was honestly going to go on this year and what the outcome could possibly be. And then, he dug in. Near the end of the feast, he stuffed a biscuit into his pocket like he’s done almost every feast since his first year because that midnight craving just won’t go away; he then looked at his Muggle watch and it read 7:13PM.

He made to get up from the table when a firm, yet gentle hand kept him from doing so. He turned around and saw Professor McGonagall, “Mr. Longbottom?”

“Yes, professor?” He said a little wary due to the fact that she called him Mr. Longbottom instead of just Longbottom.

“I trust you’re the new quintessential leader of the group now that Mr. Potter’s gone.”

Neville looked rather confused and almost flattered, “I-I am?”

“I’d say you might be. Word of advice: Keep your friends close and strong,” she kept her hand on his shoulder with the same grip as a few seconds ago to let what she just said sink in. A moment later, she became distracted by a small first year wanting to know if she could owl her mother really quick and with that, she walked away, but not before giving Neville a nod in respect.

He blinked and got up from the table and as soon as he did so, a breath of fresh air by the name of Luna Lovegood came skipping to his side. “Hello Neville. It’s rather terrible they have these new rules set, isn’t it?”

Neville looked at her and then ahead and nodded, “Quite.”

“But we still have each other and that’s all that matters,” Luna said brightly, taking Neville’s hand. His pulse accelerated at her touch and he blushed at the sudden reaction his body gave.

What the hell? He thought to himself, looked at their hands meshed together, and then at Luna, who was smiling. At least her hand is nice and warm.

And they walked like that until they came to her common room entrance. “Thank you for walking me to my common room. It was rather nice of you.”

In all honesty, his plan was get out of the Great Hall and go straight to bed, but he said, “Sure Luna. Anytime.”

Anytime? Now she’ll think you like her or something! Neville mentally kicked himself.

Luna hugged Neville right when a trio of obnoxious, seventh-year Slytherins by the names of Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle and Pansy Parkinson decided to rain on their farewell parade.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Loony Lovegood and her half-wit boyfriend, Longbottom!“ Pansy squealed, laughing with Crabbe and Goyle.

“What do you want?” Neville asked darkly. Standing almost clear in front of Luna; protecting her unconsciously.

“Ooh, not-so charming,” Pansy fake-pouted, then smirked, taking a side-glance at Goyle (who was also smiling and gave her a wink) while taking her wand out of her robes. “I do believe my dear Draco wouldn’t like the sound of that.”

Neville could’ve sworn he saw Goyle looking slightly disappointed when Pansy said, ‘My dear Draco…’ Neville would’ve laughed, but he was facing Slytherins; he had to put on his serious face.

When Pansy took a step forward, a streak of purple light came out of Luna’s wand and hit Pansy square in the chest, knocking her side-ways. She’d been hexed and Crabbe and Goyle were immediately at her side.

“You’ll pay for that one!” Goyle said enraged.

He stood up, but before he could cast a spell on Neville and Luna, Luna said uncommonly seriously, “Honestly, why don’t you come up with fresher material? Using up your leader’s lines, poor, poor henchmen. I do believe your dear Draco wouldn’t like the sound of that.”

Goyle had a violet tint in his eyes when she said that and raised his wand ready to cast the spell. Just then, Mrs. Norris mewed just feet from them. Neville and Goyle exchanged glances. Goyle said, “Mark my words, Lovegood. You and your boyfriend are going down.”

“Right. I’ll just make sure Draco knows about it so he can give you a treacle tart,” Luna said sarcastically.

Goyle looked like he was about to blow a gaskin and then looked over at Crabbe who merely shrugged and Goyle picked Pansy up gingerly and walked away before muttering in Pansy‘s ear, “Don’t worry, I’m going to take care of you and then I’m going to hex that crazy, little witch.”

Neville stood by in awe. “Luna?”

“Yes, Neville?” She said looking at him curiously.

“That was amazing.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.” And then he hugged her before she correctly answered the question the Ravenclaw portrait asked and slipped into her common room. Before she left his complete sight, Neville could’ve sworn he saw her blushing.

Erm...the apostrophes really got to me. There were several errors regarding apostrophes and commas, but other than that I don't think there were that many mistakes. The storyline was good, but McGonagall didn't really sound like Rowling's version. Maybe make it a bit more stiff and formal?

Chapter Three - Crucio

At 6:55AM the next morning, Neville woke with a start. He looked at the clock to his right and realized: His Muggle Studies class starts in five minutes! He threw on his clothes and stormed through the common room as if he were invincible.

Once he got to the entrance of his Muggle Studies class, he took a deep breath to relax himself a little and walked in as quietly as he could so as not to let Alecto Carrow, who was writing something on the board, know he was late. But Alecto had a sixth sense and knew Neville was standing about like an idiot. She slowly turned around, her wand at her lower lip, and said with an evil smirk on her face, “I see we got ourselves a prime example of how bein‘ a blood-traitor can taint the smarts o’ some of us wizards.”

Neville looked on, not knowing what to do. Seamus, Terry, and Ernie all looked at him with mixed expressions of confusion and fear. Alecto looked at him, tapping her wand against her lower lip, then said, “You should be punished.”

Neville blinked and knew already that something very wrong was about to happen. His body gave a shudder unwillingly and Alecto shrieked with laughter. “Scared, are we?”

Neville said uncertainly, “No…?”

“Up here!” Alecto screamed for Neville to come to the front of the class. He hesitated but followed the path up to the front.

Neville was within a foot of Alecto when she grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down to her face level. “Longbottom, is it?”

He furrowed his eyebrows and said, “Yes…?”

Alecto smiled wider and more devilishly and turned around and said to the entire class, “I want y’all to take note! This is what happens when you don’t follow the rules!”

Before he could react, Neville was struck in the face by the Cruciatus Curse. There were many gasps and ‘Merlin’s’ throughout the classroom as Neville let out a piercing scream that seemed foreign to his own body. Every nerve in his body was lit on fire and he was gravely reminded of his parents at that moment and that’s when he shed a tear.

“Stop it! Stop it now!” Hannah Abbott cried out from the back of the room.

Alecto stopped and Neville fell to the floor, covering his left cheek with his hand. He looked at Alecto as if she were crazy, which she was, and also with a look of fear. Neville forced himself up and went to his seat, thinking, ‘Who in Merlin‘s name does she think she is?‘.

When class ended, Neville stowed away his books and got up. When he turned around, Hannah was looking straight at him but then disappeared into the hall a second later. He shrugged it off and walked to his next class, Herbology; which he had with Seamus, Pansy, and Crabbe. On the way there, he noticed that walking down the stairs and into the Grand Entrance and then going outside to the Greenhouses seemed almost like a chore; he still felt that incessant, painful stinging in his left cheek and wondered how long the pain would last and if this was how his parents felt…

Ugh, his parents. He acquired a mere scratch compared to what they went through! Neville decided to suck it up; not only for himself and his parents, but also because he had just realized he was approaching Luna at a dull pace.

Today, she was wearing a multi-colored shirt with a purple skirt under her school robes and tie-dye socks - her shoes were nowhere to be found. She also had on apple-shaped earrings which made Neville think, ‘That’s new. Where are the radishes?’ Her face was pointed toward the sky, although her eyes were closed and she was twirling her wand around in circles between her thumb, index and middle fingers which were outstretched above her while the wand excreted small puffs of angelic fog. She then said out of nowhere, “Hello Neville.”

Neville was surprisingly not startled by the fact that she knew he was there before he said anything. “Hello Luna. What are you doing out here? Don’t you have class?”

“No actually. I’ve got a free period between Astronomy and Muggle Studies,” Luna said dreamily, her eyes fluttering open and looked at Neville who was directly in her line of vision with the sun, making it look like he had a halo. For a second there, Luna, almost awe-struck, thought, ‘Wow. He’s beautiful!’

“Oh. Well, I’ve got to get to Herbology…” Neville said gently.

“Yes, you are quite good at Herbology. If I ever need help with my plants back home, I’ll be sure to owl you,” Luna said smiling, now sitting up, her legs crossed underneath her.

Neville blushed and rubbed the back of his head with his free hand and said a little too awkwardly, “Thanks Luna. Well, I better get going.”

“Yes, you should. Have fun in Herbology!”

Neville smiled and started to walking to Herbology. But then he stopped; he had to warn her about Alecto in Muggle Studies! “Luna?”

“Yes, Neville?”

“In Muggle Studies, be very careful. Alecto Carrow isn’t the most generous of witches.”

“Oh, I can tell by that cut on your face. It didn’t feel good at all, did it?” Luna said standing up and putting her hand gingerly on the wound. Neville’s insides thought they were going to explode at her touch.

Luna noticed Neville gave an unconscious shiver under her hand and she quickly removed it and asked, “Is my hand cold?”

Neville couldn’t speak for a moment and said, “No, just. Just your touch.” When he realized what he said, he blushed slightly and noticed Luna had a look in her eye that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“I really gotta go,” Neville said quietly.

“I know,” Luna said equally as quietly.

And with that, Neville ran for it to Greenhouse Four where all the most wonderful things made sense; unlike girls.

When he got to the Greenhouse, the first thing he noticed was the amount of plants that were missing. Neville was obviously confused, so he walked up to Professor Sprout who greeted him with a firm handshake and an appreciative pat on the back. “Excellent to see one of my best students return! Excellent indeed! I trust you’re wondering why a lot of the plants are missing, yeah?”

“Actually, yes. What happened?”

Professor Sprout motioned for him to take a seat on the stool across from her. She took a deep breath and explained the situation, “Well, as it so happens, Professor Snape has decided to take it upon himself to have sixty-five percent of Hogwart’s Herbology plants sent to the Ministry for ‘real’ inspection. I told him that idea was ridiculous and he told me that he doesn’t care if I’ve worked here for thirty-six years, he’ll have me sacked if I speak out.”

Neville’s mouth fell open, “Professor? Isn’t that…”

“No. Unfortunately it is not illegal. But we need those plants for not only educational purposes, but for medicinal ones as well! I’ve heard stories about those Carrows and it’s only been three days since term’s started!”

“Yeah…” Neville looked down.

“What’s that on your face?” Professor Sprout was looking right at his cut.

“Nothing, really. Alecto got to me before I could react. That’s all.” Neville forced a smile.

Professor Sprout sighed and shook her head. “I fear for you kids.”

And that’s when more students started piling in. The last of which were Pansy and Crabbe. Neville took the seat furthest away from the two and took out two pieces of parchment and his new quill and ink-bottle.

After a half hour of the lesson, he felt something hit the back of his head and he turned around to see a piece of parchment on the floor. He picked it up and unfolded it. Inside were the words, ‘Alecto’s funny, isn’t she?’ He looked back and noticed Pansy snickering behind her book. Neville shook his head while turning back around and threw the piece the parchment in the waste basket closest to him.

When class let out, he overheard Pansy telling Crabbe to trip him. Neville turned around and right when Crabbe’s foot went under his, Neville hexed him. Fortunately Professor Sprout hadn’t been paying attention, so Neville just walked away. But Pansy called out, “You’ve got nerve, Longbottom! We know your weak points and we’re not afraid to abuse them!”

Neville winced, but kept walking. 'What in the hell is going on here!? Dumbledore and Harry would never allow this!'

*grabs Simmy90 by the collar and shakes her frantically*
Please PM me when the next chapter comes out!!!

I love it! Not only because I am in love with the Harry Potter Serise, but because no one really ever notices Neville. The description was farely decent. Also the tinny bit of romance was intreging. I hope I see more of the fan fiction of Harry Potter on your part!
Keep up the great work!

- Danielle