I looked up from the sketch I had been working on; only to see that Edward’s fate was merely inches away from mine. He smiled.
“What could possibly be the inspiration behind this, Bella?” Of course, he should know by now that he was my inspiration. The most beautiful being I’d ever seen, in all of my seventeen years. How could he not be the source of my artwork?
The sun was high, over a glittering lake and whispering meadow, the time I had first truly seen him in his entirety. Ms. Tennenbaum, Forks High’s art teacher, would say that I had promise. If she only knew exactly where this memory had come from.
“Edward?” I asked.
“Yes, my love?”
“How many kisses would I have to give you in order for you to take me to see Alice?”
“But of course, Bella, you realize that, with only one wrong move, I could kill you?” This question had become more of a joke between us, as many times as we’d kissed before. Of course, Edward was truly dangerous for me. He was a vampire, of course. A beautiful, smart, eccentric, majestic and loving vampire.
I pushed my drawing of the meadow aside, beckoning Edward to come closer. He obliged, giving me the sweetest kiss a girl could ever have.
* *
After remembering that moment from so many years ago, I felt a small twitch of pain. It hurt recollecting those three years we’d spent together, only to end in agony. I needed to get back to my work. Jacob had been threatening to return my laptop if I failed to make any progress with my project. His recently purchased auto repair shop needed a whole new interior design, and since art was my best subject in high school, Jacob had recruited me to layout a plan. Of course, old reliable Bella had agreed, and here I was, going through my old paintings and sketches from high school. I had wanted some motivation for the project, and I figured that my seasoned artwork was the best bet.
Unknowingly, I had stumbled across the picture I had created from the early spring of eleventh grade. It was the picture of the meeting in the meadow where Edward had shown me that he truly was a vampire. How times had changed. I had been a shy, clumsy girl in awe of newfound love. Now I was still a shy, clumsy girl, but instead of being in awe of love, I ran from the mere idea of exposing my inner feelings to another person ever again.
Broken with the past, I decided to put away the artwork for now. I went over to the window and looked out. Of course the weather was dreary; it was November in Forks, after all. Luckily, the sky had decided to hold off the rain for another day. I grabbed my jacket and put on my sneakers, then stepped outside.
I find it much easier to think about things when I am out in nature. The forest has always been a special place to collect my thoughts and contemplate on life. Of course, there were many dark memories of this place, which were too hard to forget. For one, although I had long since forgiven Edward for his lapse in judgment, it wasn’t something that I could forget so easily.
As I walked deeper into the woods, I thought of something Alice had told me when we had met up for lunch a few weeks ago. She reminded me that not long after my nineteenth birthday, I had been awarded first place in Peninsula College’s art show. Alice was reminiscing of a time when I had been much happier. A time before the ultimate betrayal occurred.
Only Alice would be able to find something good out of the worst cataclysm of my life, the period where I lost my beloved. The era of my greatest sorrow. The day Edward killed himself.
* *
I must have lost track of time in the woods, as I heard Jacob’s frantic voice upon answering my cell phone.
“Bella! Is everything all right? You were supposed to meet me for lunch at one o’clock,” he exclaimed.
“Oh, Jake, I’m very sorry. I went off for a stroll at around eleven-thirty. I must have lost track of time,” I confessed.
“It’s okay, Bella. I’m just content that you’re safe. Don’t worry about the blueprints. We can work more on them this weekend.”
“I apologize. I truly meant to make some progress.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Bella. I understand…Would you like to go out for dinner tonight? If you’re out of the woods, that is.” I couldn’t help but smile after that remark.
“Certainly, Jacob. I’d love to have dinner tonight. Where were you thinking?”
“Actually, there’s a new German restaurant in Port Angeles. I sort of promised Embry I’d go. He’s bringing Serena.” Not a double date. Please, anything but that. I’d had enough embarrassment this past Valentine’s Day, when Alice had set up a special rendezvous between her new neighbor and I. Much to my chagrin, it hadn’t ended well. After learning that I was, as one would say, “damaged goods”, my date ran off with a local model, leaving me to pay the bill.
“Well, I was sort of hoping that we could go somewhere a little more private. Like the diner.”
“I suppose I could cancel with Embry. I’ll tell him I have too much work at the shop to go out tonight.”
“Thanks, Jake.”
“Be ready at seven, Bella. Call if you’re running late,” he told me.
“See you later, Jacob.” I hung up my phone. I started walking towards home. After walking a few minutes, I spotted a single chrysanthemum. Edward’s favorite flower. A single tear ran down my cheek. I brushed it away, not wanting to remember.
I couldn’t bear seeing the beautiful plant here, all alone. It seemed so out of place. Like me, Bella Swan, in a little town called Forks, in the middle of nowhere. In all these six years, I’d never gotten too used to Forks. Yes, it may have been the right place at the right time, but it was my home away from home. I was never able to finish college after the tragedy with my Edward. I thought of moving away after the misfortune, but I couldn’t bear to leave my father, nor Jacob, nor Alice. If it were not for Charlie acquiring a job at the Thriftway for me, I would have had no solid ground to fall back on.
Reaching the edge of the woods, I stopped for a moment. In three years time, how can so many things disappear from your life? Maybe I had pushed myself too much in my time with Edward. I had felt he was so perfect. Yet, he couldn’t live up to my expectations no matter how hard he tried.
I entered the house I had shared with Charlie for the past six years. I plopped back into the easy chair, and turned the television on. Of course, the news was always the same-more animals disappearing into near extinction. I couldn’t watch. I only sat in front of the screen and waited for Jacob to make his appearance. After all, how much longer could I focus on the reasons for Edward’s self-death without blaming myself? I just couldn’t carry the weight of his decision for all of eternity.
It was time for me to move on to better and bigger things than the morose vampire. I could take a chance at a new life, one better than the broken one I had been living for the last three years. I would become someone better than I had ever been before.
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