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Young Writers Society


Horrid Henry - Part 1



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Mon Aug 04, 2008 4:17 pm
-cauan- says...



Horrid Henry's Plant Competition

Henry was in class, not really listening to Miss Battle-Axe.

"Drone, drone, drone drone, plant, drone, drone, competition, drone, prize," she droned.

Horrid Henry sat upright. Did she just say competition and prize? He listened carefully.

"As you know," Miss Battle-Axe said, "there is a plant competition for the Nature Week, and whoever grows the tallest plant will get in a prize draw and four lucky winners will get the prize. You can get the seeds from Miss Lovely."

Henry groaned. A plant competition? Why couldn't they have better competitions like Who can burp the loudest and Who knew the rudest words? Well, if Henry entered the competition, he might have a chance getting the prize.

"I expect everyone in this class to join in this competition," Miss Battle-Axe continued, "even you Henry."

"Yeah," he replied, "I am joining this competition, and I am going to get the prize."

Everyone in the class laughed. Moody Margaret said, "You couldn't grow a plant if your life depended on it!"

Horrid Henry growled. "You just watch me!"

*

Henry went to go to Miss Lovely's class, to get some seeds from her.

"Oh, hello Henry," she chirped, when she saw him, "what do you want?"

"Erm, I just want some plant seeds for the competition."

"Oh, of course, nice to see someone who takes a pride in plants," she answered.

She went to the back of her classroom, and got a dozen packets of flower seeds.

"Now, I have all different types of seeds here. Which one would you like?"

"Tell me some some of their names," Henry said.

"OK, here I have geranium seeds, and over there are waterlilies, those are sunflowers, and there are bluebells, dandelion, cress, tulips and that one is a chrysanthemum."

"Whoa," Henry said, "I didn't know plants had that many names. I'll have the sunflower seeds and the tulips."

"OK Henry, good luck in the competition," Miss Lovely said, handing him the packet of seeds.

*

End of Part One
Last edited by -cauan- on Wed Aug 06, 2008 11:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Points: 890
Reviews: 70
Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:42 am
Xena says...



Well, if Henry entered the prize, he might have a chance getting the prize.

enterered the prize, chance at getting the prize? badly worded, i dont like it... remove it... now.


Henry went to go to Miss Lovely's class, to get some seeds from her.

henry went to miss lovelys class (after school? after class? during class? at lunch?) to get some seeds.(for the competition maybe? hummmm?) i think its implied hes going there for seeds. change it... now!


"Oh, hello Henry," she chirped, when she saw him, "what do you want?"

take out when she saw him... unless she chirps oh hello henry all the time, and you put that there so we know shes saying it now that she is seeing henry... otherwise.. deletion!


She went to the back of her classroom, and got a dozen packets of flower seeds.


the comma seperates two independent santa clauses, got a dozen sentence is not a sentence by itself! theres a verb, got, got what, seeds, but who got the seeds?! SHE DID, and since SHE, being the noun is in the first fragment, it depends on it, making it dependent! thus!!! no comma needed! deleteeshashon!


I enjoyed the second part of the story more, a good more than the first part, all this getting prize jibber jabber got my panties in a bunchle! no more getting prizes... hwo about winning prizes! did you even use WIN, or was it all just get.. get prize get prize prize get get me prize... besides that... i enjoyed it... i was a tiny uneasy about the label names at first.. but i grew to like it. And then i enjoyed reading about the flowers and the flower names.. theryre so pretty! now that all of the prize getting is out of the way.. i look forward to reading more. pms me when its done thank you very much! :smt041
purple bunnies hop at midnight
  





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Tue Aug 05, 2008 12:34 pm
-cauan- says...



I meant competition not prize
  





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Mon Oct 20, 2008 10:35 pm
running_with_the_devil says...



This was pretty funny.
Horrid Henry sounds like a little fiend!!!
Haha
I would love to read more!!!!
:]
Trina.
Trina.
Trina.
TRINA!
XD
  








Never express yourself more clearly than you are able to think.
— Niels Bohr