z

Young Writers Society


Warriors Fanfic: Shrouded Sun Chapter 5



User avatar
135 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1040
Reviews: 135
Mon May 26, 2008 4:02 pm
cat4prowl says...



Shrouded Sun Chapter 5- Haze
When Sunpaw managed to open her eyes, she was overwhelmed with tiny details. The most unsettling was pain. There was a throbbing, swelling bruise under her right ear, an aching bite on her shoulder, scratches scattered about her fur, and a dull pain emanating from every muscle.

She was too stunned by the sudden feeling to do anything but gasp for air in strangled, toxic lungfuls. After a few moments of this, her breath scraped down her throat enough to satisfy her need for air. Then she was hit by a wave of smell, none of which she recognized.

And finally, overtaking her as if she were prey, came the memories. The hunting mishap, getting lost, Scram, and finally the treacherous Twoleg kits and the rock rushed over her, too much to take all at once. Fury immediately surged through and she made a weak attempt to stand, finding instead that her muscles protested.

“Lie still,” a voice commanded, sounding fuzzy, faraway.

At first, she thought it was Scram and she relaxed a little. The scrawny tom had done nothing but help her before, why should things be different now? Then a sudden memory hit, accompanied by a familiar scent. The memory of a pelt slipping between her and her sister flashed before her eyes. Thistlepaw.

Snarling, she was suddenly able to jump to her three feet this time. It was bad enough having every inch of her screaming, but to be seen so weak by another Clanmate!

“I said lie still,” Thistlpaw reminded her, stepping forward.

Sunpaw’s eyes flashed in anger, catching every detail. The shadows of the bush across her face, the bush she had crawled to after the Twoleg kits threw the rock at her. The uncertain way Thistlepaw stood, his weight positioned backward as if slightly afraid. The unfamiliar grass rolling away behind him…

“What do you want?” she hissed, starting forward. The pain that seized her entire body flared up threateningly, and she winced. Angry at her weakness, she took another step, attempting to ignore it.

“We’ve been looking for you…” he began.

But Sunpaw cut him off, “We? Where’s Brightpaw?!”

“She and Sparrowpaw went to get Owlpelt.”

“Why’d they leave you?” she demanded furiously. She would have much rather woken up to Brightpaw, annoying though she was.

“I don’t know!” he mewed defensively, “Brightpaw said something about us needing to talk…”

Sunpaw pictured her cream-colored sister happily ordering Thistlepaw to stay, picturing in her simple little mind how Sunpaw would forgive him… “I’m going to kill her,” Sunpaw decided.

Looking alarmed, Thistlepaw mewed quickly, “I-I think you better just lie down…”

“Oh really? Are you medicine cat apprentice now?” Sunpaw accused, starting to limp away.

“No,” Thistlepaw said slowly, and Sunpaw could see he was fighting the urge to argue, “but you look pretty bad.”

“I always look bad! I’ve got three legs!” She shouted randomly, hoping to provoke a fight. She ignored the pain searing through her and asked, “Now which way is camp?”

“Well you look worse,” he stated, ignoring her question.

Sunpaw collapsed angrily, her breath coming in short rasps. The pain in her head was unbearable, and she thought she might have re-opened her shoulder. Her muscles screamed; she could hear them in her head. High, deafening, a sort of ringing sound that flared with the pain. Staggered by the sudden wave of pain, she fought harder to stay awake.

“You should rest,” Thistlepaw whispered.

“Shut up,” Sunpaw murmured, “Foxdung.” She had meant it to be fierce, provocative, but it came out a fatigued whisper as her eyes snapped shut.
* * *
It was a voice, again, that awoke her. She remembered everything as she awoke this time; the pain came a little more slowly. But she still refused to open her eyes to the reality before her.

“…going to need some poppy seeds.” That was Owlpelt, his voice smooth like lazy sunlight.

“I have some here!” Brightpaw. Worried and anxious to help.

“What do you think happened?” She didn’t recognize this one easily, so she knew it was Sparrowpaw. He sounded curious, but also scared.

Owlpelt must have ignored him, because the next thing she felt was Owlpelt’s voice, urging her to wake up.

She replied with an irritable hiss, letting her eyes drift open slightly. All four cats stared down at her, their expressions varying from Owlpelt’s calm expertise, Brightpaw’s excited worry, Sparrowpaw’s curious, wary gaze, to Thistlepaw’s solid, unreadable expression.

Glaring, she began positioning her paws to stand up, ignoring the protests in her muscles.

“Stay down,” Owlpelt ordered and Sunpaw obeyed, too weak to do anything but. “Eat this,” he urged, motioning toward the small pile of poppy seed. Faintly, she flicked out her tongue and swallowed the herbs.

“It may take a while for them to sink in,” Owlpelt explained calmly, then turned to the apprentices, “We need to get her back to camp. And she can’t walk there.”

“We’ll carry her!” Brightpaw promised, giving Sunpaw what she obviously thought was an encouraging look.

“No,” Sunpaw growled, “You won’t.” She didn’t need anyone carrying her anywhere.

“Be reasonable Sunpaw,” Owlpelt mewed, almost a command, “Now, if we lay her across two of our backs, we should be able to manage.”

Sunpaw let out a hiss of protest, caught Owlpelt’s fierce gaze, and then nodded glumly.

In the next couple of moments, she found herself slung over Owlpelt and Brightpaw’s backs. She had refused to be carried by Thistlepaw or Sparrowpaw, convinced Thistlepaw at least would have dropped her on purpose.

It was comforting to have Owlpelt there; he seemed to know the whole territory by heart and often mumbled about where the herbs grew best. The journey seemed a whole lot shorter going back, but then Sunpaw might have fallen asleep.

When her eyes opened, proving to herself that she had been asleep, she was hidden in the dark edge of the medicine cat den. Too tired and confused to register anything else, she fell asleep to the steady rhythm of the ringing in her head.
  





User avatar
29 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 29
Thu May 29, 2008 12:52 am
alicat159 says...



Wonderful Piece! I'm so glad to be the first to review!

cat4prowl wrote: Sunpaw’s eyes flashed in anger, catching every detail. The shadows of the bush across her face, the bush she had crawled to after the Twoleg kits threw the rock at her. The uncertain way Thistlepaw stood, his weight positioned backward as if slightly afraid. The unfamiliar grass rolling away behind him…


I thought she got hit with many rocks. Or at least two. Because one hit her and then she regained balance and then got hit again and stumbled down the hill. I could be wrong though.

cat4rowl wrote: In the next couple of moments, she found herself slung over Owlpelt and Brightpaw’s backs. She had refused to be carried by Thistlepaw or Sparrowpaw, convinced Thistlepaw at least would have dropped her on purpose.


If I'm not mistaken, Brightpaw is no more than a kit, along with Sunpaw. In the first chapter it stated that they became apprentices when they were very young. So, how could a 6 or 7 moon old kitten carry another cat with only the help of a grown cat? Sunpaw would be at a 45 degree angle. She would probably slip. But, so be it.

I really enjoyed that piece! Hope to read more soon! Pm me when Chapter 6 is done!

:wink:
Alicat159
  





User avatar
36 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 240
Reviews: 36
Wed Jun 25, 2008 11:15 pm
Sare Agama says...



Nice, like the rest of the story. Not really anything that needs to be fixed, except for the part when Brightpaw helped carry Sunpaw. Looking forward to the rest, PM me when chapter six is posted.:D

BTW Alicat159, Sunpaw got hit by only one rock, the first one missed. :wink:



-ClimberSquirrel
  








There are some things you can't share without ending up liking each other, and knocking out a twelve-foot mountain troll is one of them.
— J.K. Rowling