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Through the Still Night-Chapter 1



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Tue Jan 15, 2008 4:23 am
PsychicNinja says...



Through the Still Night:
Chapter 1:
The Path of the Shinobi

Shinobi must travel the path of what they know is right. A true shinobi feels the best when he is fighting for his village and for his loved ones. Fighting to protect. That is what we must do. Ayama-sensei had told Takuro Kimura this when he and his squad had become full-fledged Genin. But today was different. Today, Takuro was pulling weeds.

“I got this patch over here!” another of Takuro’s squad mates said.

Similarly, the other two of them each staked out an area in which they were to work. Takuro rolled up his sleeves and ran a hand through his dark brown hair. Time to get to work. This was his sixth mission as a Genin, and so far his missions had all been pretty boring. Still, he would try to do his best. Takuro thrust his hands in the dirt and started to pull out the stray, annoying plants, while Ayama-sensei sat in a tree and caught a quick snooze.

After about ten minutes, Ayama’s faithful ninja hound companion, Kitsune, trotted over to him. Normally, three Genin and a sensei would make up a squad, but Kitsune always stayed with Ayama Inuzuka. The two were inseparable.

“Hurry up, kid. We haven’t got all day,” she barked.

“I’m working as fast as I can, Kitsune-san,” Takuro muttered, groaning. “Are all Genin missions like this?”

“Most of the time. Believe me, Takuro-kun, it’s more boring for Ayama and I to watch,” the big, scarlet mutt answered.

Kitsune wagged her tail and walked over to the other members of the team. After the three eight year-olds finished weeding and a few other chores for the villager, they headed back to the Village Hidden in the Leaves. The four ninja and dog walked along the dirt path as the blooming trees surrounded them.

Ayama, with a fierce look on her face as always, spoke up as they neared the village,“Good work today, everyone. See you tomorrow.”

She and Kitsune disappeared in a puff of white smoke. Takuro put his hands in his pockets, wondering why Ayama always left them before they entered back into Konoha. Umeko Nakamura, the kunoichi on Takuro’s team, frowned at the sky and glanced at Takuro.

“What’s wrong, Takuro-kun? You don’t seem to be in a very good mood,” Umeko asked. She was always polite and shy but didn’t hesitate to voice her opinion if needed. Takuro considered her to be his best friend. They hadn’t admitted this to each other, but Umeko did as well.

“I dunno. I was just wondering why Sensei always abandons us before we get back to the Village,” he said. He blushed and added, “Good job today, Umeko-chan. You worked harder than someone else on this team.” Takuro gave a harsh glare at the crimson-haired boy behind him.

Umeko swiped a blonde curl from her face and grinned. “Thanks!”

The other boy scowled. “Why do you always denounce me and then compliment Umeko. Looks like someone’s working hard to impress someone else on this team,” Zinan Kobayashi retorted.

“What are you talking about? Why do you always try to act like you’re all great and the leader of this team?!” Takuro exclaimed.

“Whatever, Takuro. You don’t have to be so mean,” Zinan said.

“Yeah…whatever.”

Takuro paced ahead as they entered the Leaf Village. “See you guys later,” he muttered.

Zinan waved and ran off into the village. Takuro felt a tug on his sleeve. He spun around.

“Yeah?”

Umeko looked into Takuro’s black eyes, searching for something. Then she quickly glanced away. “Can I walk with you?”

Takuro smiled as big as he could. “Of course!”

The two young Genin ambled through the streets of the village. It was the busiest hour of the day, and people walked and ran about everywhere, shouting and laughing. It was Umeko’s favorite time to walk. Everything was so alive.

“So what do you think about what the Hokage said?”she asked Takuro over the noise, as they rounded a corner and passed the steakhouse.

“You mean about how he said he was going to choose the next Hokage soon, right? The one who’s going to be the Fourth Hokage,” Takuro asked.

Umeko nodded.

“I really don’t know. Maybe he’s just getting tired of the job. Anyway, I think there should be a younger leader for our village now. Especially ‘cause of the war. Mom’s been gone for two weeks. She was supposed to come back yesterday,” Takuro said.

“I agree. But Sandaime-sama has been a great leader,” Umeko concurred.

The two walked among the buzz of people, occasionally jumping aside to make room for a couple of kids chasing each other. Umeko stopped in front of a flower shop. The display in the front showed a bouquet of bright pink and purple roses.

“Look, Takuro-kun! They have my favorite colors! Father would always take me here during the spring. Every week he would let me pick out some flowers to have in my room...” Umeko trailed off.

Takuro hated when Umeko brought up her father. He had been an esteemed Jonin of the village. But like many of the ninja during this time of war, he was killed in action just about a year ago. Takuro remembered his funeral. Umeko had been sobbing the whole time, and the next day, some bullies at school had called her a baby. She became furious and actually used her genjutsu on the boys. Takuro smiled at the memory.

He looked at Umeko, blonde curls bouncing as she bent down to look at the roses, getting as close as she could to them as if to smell them through the glass. Umeko shifted her blue eyes to glance at Takuro.

“Hey, Takuro-kun,” she whispered. Her eyes widened, then she shouted, “Race ya to the Academy!”

Umeko leapt off, racing towards her new destination. Takuro recovered from his moment of shock and was quickly on her heels.

“I won’t let you win, Umeko-chan!” Takuro called out.

Umeko giggled as she landed on a rooftop and sailed to the next one. They soared from rooftop to rooftop, with chakra-filled jumps. Takuro passed Umeko, and then Umeko passed Takuro. Both of the kids panted from exhaustion. Takuro could see the roof of the Academy now. He veered off from Umeko’s course.

“Ha!” he yelled to her back. “Too bad I know a shortcut!”

Takuro smiled as he took an alleyway and leapt back to the rooftops. Abruptly, the rooftop he was running across ended. Ahead of him was a narrow pipe. He had to take it. Summoning all his chakra to his feet, he began to run across the pipe. Good, he told himself, just a little more! Suddenly, he lost his footing. Darn, that’s too much chakra!

“Ahh!” Takuro yelled as he fell on his bottom. The Academy entrance was just ahead. Umeko sat above the Academy’s sign, sticking her tongue out at the disgraced Takuro. She leapt down.

“Ow,” Takuro grunted, as he walked up to his friend.

“Good shortcut, Takuro! I’ll be sure to take it next time.” Umeko winked.

“Hmph. I exerted too much chakra to my feet on that pipe…”

Umeko’s blue eyes sparkled as she laughed. “Whatever, Takuro. Let’s consider that training.”

Takuro grinned. “Sure!”

He looked at the doors which led to his old school. “Wow, Umeko-chan. We were just going here a few months ago.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s scary. Almost hard to consider us as Genin,” she said.

They stared at the entrance for a few nostalgic moments.

Umeko turned to look at her friend. “Okay, I have to head home. You know how my mom gets when I don’t come home after five!”

“Yeah, I know. She gets pretty freaked out,” Takuro said, his eyes wide.

Umeko grinned. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

After a quick high-five, the two young ninja ran their separate ways home.
Last edited by PsychicNinja on Thu May 01, 2008 11:09 pm, edited 3 times in total.
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Tue Jan 15, 2008 4:37 pm
shotgun2983 says...



This was really good Timea. I like the way you seperated yourself fro, the main story and created new characters, unlike some of the other Naruto fanfics I have read in the past. Just one minor issue:

He had been an esteemed Jonin of the village.


I don't think Jonin should be capitalized because it's just a title. I'm not really sure though. Also, I wa hopeing for a litle more action in the story, but othet then that, great job!

-Joel-
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Wed Jan 16, 2008 2:45 am
AyumiGosu17 says...



Well, it's my turn! :twisted:

You're period happy! Jeez! You know, you could make these complex sentences...make it interesting, but whatever. It's just how I like to write...

Like here:

Takuro thrust his hands in the dirt and started to pull out the stray, annoying plants. Ayama-sensei sat in a tree and caught a quick snooze.


And here:

Takuro muttered. He groaned.


And here:

The four ninja and dog walked along the dirt path. The blooming trees surrounded them.


Hmmm...

He looked at Umeko, blonde curls bouncing as she bent down to look at the roses, getting as close as she could to them as if to smell them through the glass. Umeko shifted her blue eyes to glance at Takuro.

“Hey, Takuro-kun,” she said, “Race ya to the Academy!”


That was pretty random. Want to make her expression change a little so we kind of know something's about to happen?

Nice job otherwise! Can't wait for the rest!
"Neglect not the gift that is in thee, which was given thee by prophecy, with the laying on of the hands of the presbytery." Timothy 4:14 KJV
  





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Thu Jan 17, 2008 7:47 pm
PsychicNinja says...



Domo arigato, Joel and Audra! :D

Jonin is like Genin, Joel, 'cause its a title and a rank. I'm not sure if they really should be capitalized (like chakra isn't)...but I'll have to go check on that.

Audra-I tend to write in short sentences...I dunno why. I like to write that way. And I already fixed the 'randomness' of that sentence (not on the post, yet..i've been busy). I agree, it did seem pretty random the way she said it.

~Timea
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Sat Jan 19, 2008 10:19 pm
PsychicNinja says...



I fixed it so now there are compound sentences and that part isn't so random.

:D :D
~Timea
"Look, Ma. No hands"
"You haven't got a ma."
"Maybe a nice old lady will adopt me. I'm very loveable."
―Fi and Darman
  





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Thu Apr 10, 2008 7:56 pm
DkPncss says...



Amazing story line i feel like i'm reading about the actual naruto episodes. As if it's like an unpublished file or something. I'm concerned that the three Genin are advanced for their age. Naruto was like i don't know 15 when he learned chakra control in his feet. I'm just saying, but cool story, thanks for giving me something worth reading.
  





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Tue Apr 15, 2008 2:37 am
Maki-Chan says...



GASP!!!!!! This was amazing- just like a reall Naruto episode. Its freaky. But I can't wait for more. ^_^ I think the others before me pointed everything out.
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