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The Wolf and His Girl chapter 5



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Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:24 pm
Maki-Chan says...



Chapter 5
Duchess



The two lone figures snuck past the many brick buildings and empty streets. Carefully they would past from alleyway to alleyway. Not making any noises the man and girl held a steady pace towards the borders of the city. The only way they could escape the clutches of the Nobles. Many questions roamed in the little girl’s head. She forced Raven to stop, by grabbing the corner of a building. The man turned to face her.
“What is it?” He asked.

There was a bit of announce in his tone, but he tried to keep his cool.
“Raven why are the Nobles after you?” She questioned him.
The black haired man looked away. The brunet girl continued to stare at her companion. The two figures stood there for a while in the darkness, they seemed to be swallowed by the shadows of the buildings. Raven looked back at the small girl.
“They…the Nobles are trying to return me to the Duchess.” He truthfully answered.
Ruki’s small eyes widened, and her skin turned pale. As young as she was, even she knew very much of the terrible sins this person commits every day.

Ruki could not give a response.
”That lady, I’ve seen people vanish from the city just from talking bad about her, and in private too.” The girl said in her head.
“Wwhy?” The girl stumbled out.
Raven just turned around.
“ I am, no was her prisoner.” The wolf reported.

The Duchess, ruler of this country; with an iron fist she controlled a large part of the earth’s land and oceans. Many tales of her cruelty populated through out the city. Strangely the citizens passing stories of her sins were not punished, only the ones talking trash about her were. Perhaps it was to spread fear, and separate ever person.
Some stories told of her holding innocent children and imprisoning them in empty rooms and doing horrible experiments on them. Some of the children were pitted against each other and forced to kill each other, just for her enjoyment. While the other children were forced into her armies to kill at her will. Only very few were released back into the free world, but closely watched by spies to see what they would do. They are the source of most of the Duchess’s sinful stories. She loved to spread fear. To her it is like wildfire, killing all of the stupid weeds and giving her cold heart joy.
The only thing she love more than to spread fear, was fur. She loved the heavenly feel to it, the smell and even the look of it. Perhaps the thought of wearing something that was once alive gave her black soul amusement. She commanded her many personal armies (Nobles) to hunt down any animal that has a wonderful fur coat, even house pets. Out of all of her fur coats, wolf fur seemed to be her favorite. She would have her Nobles take young wolf pups and the Duchess would treat them as her pets. Most of the time she would miss treat them, like whipping them or even sometimes at an extreme, eat them. But most of the time they would be raised till adult hood, having perfectly soft and shiny coats. When they grew of age she would have them sedated, and their fur pealed off. Then the fur less and skinless wolves would be thrown into a cage with birds of prey, to be pecked to death and eaten.
The Duchess inherited her power from a line of powerful rulers; most were kind and fair leaders. No one knows why she is so cruel to everything that lives and breaths.

Ruki just looked at Raven. She knew exactly what the black wolf’s fate would have been if he had stayed.
“Raven, how old are you?” She asked.
He sighed. ”I’m 2 and a half in dog years, but I’m 19 in human years.”
Raven is one year away from the age of the terrible fate of the Duchess’s wolves.
The wolf eyes began to fill with sadness. Ruki grabbed his sleeve.
“Come on Raven, we should get moving.” She told him.

The man gave a slight nod and they began to run into the shadows of the night.

:D -What do you think of the Duchess? Isn't she evil?
Last edited by Maki-Chan on Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Fri Dec 21, 2007 1:34 am
EliteHusky says...



I think the Duchess sounds very evil but I found myself a little lost throughout this piece, I hope you find these suggestions useful! Although I have not read any of your former work, I think this piece would stand fairly decent with someone like myself who had no idea what you were writing about I also liked the descriptions they really helped. Keep on using variations.

Warm Regards,
-Elitehusky

Not making any noises the man and girl had a steady pace towards the borders of the city.


Maybe "held" a steady place?

She forced Raven to stop, by grabbing a corner of a building.


Maybe "the" corner instead of "a" corner.


“She. I’m, no was her prisoner.” The wolf reported.


A little confusing, were you trying to say I was her prisoner?
  





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287 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1650
Reviews: 287
Fri Dec 21, 2007 4:19 am
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Maki-Chan says...



thank you very much for your lovel and encouraging comment.*Bows in respect*
I hope I made th Duchess a very evil person, someone you would not want to anger.
:D

I corrected the problems and I hope you approve. Please, I hope you enjoy the rest of my work.
:smt027 NINJA! :lol:
  








There is only one success: to be able to spend your life in your own way, and not to give others absurd maddening claims upon it.
— Christopher Darlington Morley