Young Writers Society

A tree woke up Peter and Edmund.

“Be still, young princes. I bring grave news from your sisters. Aslan is dead. He was killed by the White Witch,” the tree said. Peter stare into space, not willing to believe what he just heard.

“I will leave you now, highnesses,” the tree said and vanished.

“We have to tell Orieus about Aslan,” Edmund said as he got out of bed and exited the tent. Out of the corner of Peter’s eyes, he saw a note. He picked it up and read it. He smiled.

Peter

I had a wonderful time last night. I hope that you will come out of the battle alive. Please, send word if anything were to happen to Aslan. I fear he will do something. I don’t understand my full feelings towards you but I do care for you. Take care, Sir Peter.

The watcher, Elvina

Peter lower the letter from his eyes, set it down and got up, and left his tent. One of the eagles flew down to him.

“Is everything all right, your highness?” the eagle asked.

“Can you send a message to the watcher?” Peter asked in return.

“Of course, highness,” the eagle replied.

“Wait here,” Peter said as he walked back into his tent. He picked up a quill and a piece of parchment. He wrote a message to Elvina then walked back outside and gave it to the eagle.

“Make sure the watcher get this. It’s very important,” Peter said.

“Very well,” the eagle said and flew away. Peter watched the eagle as it flew away from camp. He walked to Aslan’s tent where Edmund and Orieus were waiting for him.

Orieus asked, “What now your highness?”

“Prepare for battle,” Peter said darkly.


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Meanwhile at Cair Paravel, the eagle arrived.

“I need to speak to the watcher. I have an important message from the High King,” the eagle shouted through the great hall. Elvina came to him.

“Ronald, what are you doing here?” she asked.

“I have a message for you,” Ronald said as he droppped the message. Elvina picked up the message and read it.

Elvina,

Thank you for your note. Something dreadful has happend. Aslan is dead. Please keep safe. We are going into battle.

Peter

The naiads and dryads, who had came with Elvina, gathered around Elvina.

“What does it say, milady?” a naiad asked. Elvina looked at them grimly.

“Get ready, ladies. We’ve a war on our hands,” she said.

Haven't I read this one already?

Anyway, you've missed out a few dees.

NM wrote:Peter stare into space, not willing to believe what he had just heard.

Stare = stared

Add "had" there to make more sense.

NM wrote:“I will leave you now, highnesses,” the tree said and vanished.

Capital letter.

How can a tree vanish?

NM wrote:Peter lower the letter from his eyes, set it down and got up, and left his tent.

Lower = lowered. You could nix that whole bit from "lowered" to "eyes"

it was a tree nymph.

I'm sorry. i accidentally post this chapter twice. sorry!