Spoiler! :
Chapter One
To jump, or not to jump...That appeared to be the question of the hour.
Automatically, a person might come to the conclusion that I’m about to take my own life. However, sitting atop this 100 foot high cliff that overlooked the Pacific, the only emotions I can fully comprehend are anxiety, and perhaps a spark of anger.
No, I was not here in search of an escape; I’m here for one last memory, before I am forced to leave.
I took it all in- the red orange flick of the setting sun, the waves that crashed against the California rocks, and the clear blue ocean.
So why the cliff jumping contemplation? Any sane person would ask. I’ll tell you: In a life where I suddenly have no control, this one act of reckless freedom maybe be enough to break away from the emotions that tie me down. It may be enough to save my sanity.
I had promised myself that I wouldn’t cry- that had been the only condition I had set for myself before I came here, to the cliff that sat at the far end of the beach, where I lived. Yet, here I sat; knees tucked close to me and tears streaming my face. Why my dad would even consider moving away from Little River was beyond me entirely, but his mind was made up. All I could do was sit back and watch, as life as I knew it became nothing but memories to look back upon.
We were scheduled to leave around nightfall - the old Chevy was loaded sky high, with a moving-trailer hitched behind for furniture. I’d told my dad where I’d be, but he warned me to be back before dark. My guess was that he’d send Kyle- my older brother- out to retrieve me before long.
The sun continued to disappear through the translucent clouds and further beyond the horizon. In my mind, it resembled a sand time, for I knew that soon my time would run out. My mind wrenched back and forth.
To jump, or not to jump...
Why did I have to be so indecisive? It wasn’t a hard choice to make- I either jump, or calmly hike back down the cliff and hurry to the beach house before dad blew a worried fuse.
I’d gone over the pros and cons a thousand times in my head: the cons were based around the issues of safety (what if I hit my head off a rock, or drowned?). I wasn’t at all worried about close-by residents calling up the cops- here, on the West Coast, cliff jumping was as common as breathing, in most households.
The pros ran much deeper- this was something I needed to do before I left. To fulfill this would be to award myself with freedom. Then, I could finally let it all go and move on.
That being said, I would miss this place more than anyone could understand.
A spark of that relentless anger surged through me once more. My head snapped up, and I noticed that my hands were balled up into fists.
Deep breathes, Mindi.
I got to my feet, and tiptoed closer to the edge, peering over. It was a far drop, but this was not the first time I’d been on this cliff, looking down at the ocean. Years ago, this was something my family did recreationally. Jumping from this cliff was practically a tradition.
Of course, all of that changed when mom died. We no longer came here to cliff dive, my dad, my brother and me- instead it was prohibited. That in itself had taken its toll on me at the time. I had been so angry at dad, for taking away the thing that tied me to my mother in a special, bittersweet way.
My mind was suddenly made up- yes, there were risks, and many other things holding me back, but I couldn’t let any of it stop me. I couldn’t leave now, knowing I’d regret it.
I braced myself for the leap, my heart taking a sudden tilt. Many questions came to mind: should I close my eyes? Should I go feet first, or dive? What about the man-eating sharks that my dad is always warning me about?
I shake away the fear, and take a few steps back to get a good start. My palms are clammy now, and my focus is on the horizon. I start forward, my legs taking off slow at first.
This is it... I thought, as a thrill so intense ran through me that I could feel it in my bones. Almost there...
“Mindi, stop! You have too much to live for!”
I stopped mid sprint, and rolled my eyes.
So close...yet so far away...
“Besides,” Kyle, who had snuck on me, chuckled. “If you’re going to jump, I’d like to join you.”
I turned on my heels, hands on my hips. “Kyle,” I said sarcastically, “You know I love you to death, but I was in one of those life-changing-moment modes and you totally killed my buzz.”
He ignored me, and stared over the edge himself. “Hmm.” His golden curls were blowing in the breeze, and I could see a sliver of curiosity in his creamy blue eyes.
“What?” I asked cautiously.
“I was just thinking, that if dad forbade us from cliff diving, why were you- miss goody-toe-shoes Mindi Stone- about to leap right off like a spontaneous dare-devil?”
I bit the inside of my cheek, my eyes narrowing into slits. “I’m not a goody-toes-shoes, Kyle.”
“No? Last time I checked, you were the most brown-nosing, daddy’s girl that ever walked the planet.”
I frowned. “Do you want me to push you off, Kyle?”
He laughed quietly. “Nah, I’m good.” He paused. “But in all seriousness, why the sudden rebellion?”
I shrugged indifferently. “I’m angry.”
He looked at me blankly. “Angry about the move? Ok, that I can understand, but what does that have to do with jumping off a freaking cliff, Mindi?”
I avoided his eyes. I’d been asking myself the same question since I’d gotten here. “I don’t know, I guess it’ll make dad mad. Besides, it’s a good last memory of Little River.” There was no way I could explain to Kyle the deepness of my motives. He never took me seriously enough when it came to trivial things like my feelings.
Kyle snorted. “Yeah, unless you smash your head off a rock and die.”
I turned away from him. My fears became real once they were said out loud, and for a moment, I thought Kyle might be right- I’m too chicken, and much too well-behaved to go through with this.
Then I remind myself that we’ll be gone before nightfall, and that I won’t be back for a very long time.
That’s all it takes.
“See you at the bottom, Kyle.” I said, before racing forward, not hesitating this time, off the cliff and into nothing.
Then I was airborne. My arms formed into a diving position, and I suddenly realized exactly what I was doing.
And I laughed.
Not the fake, sugar-coated laugh that I so often found myself making lately. It was a genuine laugh brought on by the bliss I felt as I was falling away from the cliff and towards the ocean below. Halfway down, I closed my eyes, as the air stung them whenever I tried to blink. The air- though very light, in reality- felt thick, as though I was a knife slicing through the atmosphere.
Then the water swallowed me with a sharp, bitter gulp, trapping me under its icy waves. A part of me was gasping and flailing as I tried to find the strength to reach the surface, while another part just wanted to be one with the undertow. I wished, for a brief moment, that it would never let me go, and I could fade away into the ocean’s amazing depth.
That’s when the cold air stings my face, and I take a loud, desperate breath. I blinked my eyes several times before I could see clearly.
Several feet away, I hear a splash, and I turn, seeing a shape beneath the water.
Kyle, I realized with a smile.
His head pops up from the freezing cold water, and grins my way. “What a rush, huh?”
I nodded, shivering. “Totally.”
We tread water for a moment, enjoying the victory of being fearless, and then make our way back to shore.
It’s cold out, but not nearly as cold as the water- I wish I had brought an extra shirt, or a sweater, so that I didn’t have to walk all the way to our house it dripping wet clothing. I shivered as we walked.
“What do you think you’ll miss the most?” Kyle asked me, staring down at his sandy feet.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure where to begin, truthfully.” I pause to purse my lips. “The ocean, I guess. I’ll definitely miss the ocean.” Even though it was cold, dangerous, and frightening, I couldn’t imagine life without it.
“I think I’ll miss wearing summer clothes all year round.” Kyle says thoughtfully.
I rolled my eyes. “Of all the things to miss...” I smile at Kyle, but I can barely see his face. There is barely any light left coming from the sun- it has all but disappeared- and the most I can see is his silhouette and the white of his eyes, and teeth.
“It’s getting late.” He states. “Maybe we should pick up the pace.”
I agree, especially since I’m not getting any warmer. Dry clothes were sounding really good right about now. My feet shifted into a jog. I heard Kyle’s feet shuffle faster too. Soon, we were both running full speed- well, I was running full speed; if Kyle had been running full speed, I would be left in the dust, no question.
After ten solid minutes of running, the beach house came into view. Panic ran through me as I thought of dad’s reaction to our being soaking wet.
Kyle seemed to have read my mind, for he said in a calm, reassuring voice, “We’ll say we went swimming. It’s believable.”
I bit my lip, hoping dearly that he was right.
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