Young Writers Society

Before you read on, this is not based on western demons. My story is based on the eastern idea of demons, also known as Yokai. The Kanji for Yokai are made up of 妖怪, otherwordly, and weird. The creatures in my story are often times otherwordly and weird, therefore they will be referred to as demons. They are not necessarily spiritual beings, that is your decision to make as the reader.


Part One: You Demon!

Heavy rain pelted down upon the shoulders of Faust Harinbur. The downpour felt cold, but Faust didn't notice it. He dug his toes into the white sand of Burgh Beach and breathed a sigh. Looking out upon the rolling waves, he spotted some birds chasing the horizon, Faust recalled the events that had led him to where he was now. It had been three days since the young man had ran away from the farm, three days since the black sign had appeared on his forehead, and three days since he was called "Demon".

His own father had given him the title. All Faust had done was steal a little apple from the pantry, he was starving because his stepmother would only let him eat after his brother, sister, and father had eaten. She never said why, she just said to obey, or else. The old bat was standing right behind him when he took the beautiful, luscious, crimson treat. Faust suspected she had kinetic powers, that is to say, she had heightened senses, or an innate gift attained at birth.

"Now Faust, you know the guidelines I have set for our families well being," she had said, gripping his shoulders with her long, spindly fingers. She had quite a firm grip, even though it looked like she might blow away any minute. Faust listed the simple but strict guidelines in his head, no stealing from the pantry, no eating until you are granted permission, no speaking until you are spoken to, and no playing until your chores are done. They didn't seem fair to Faust, especially since he didn't consider the old woman family.

Faust found all the rules unjust, especially the third rule, he hadn't been allowed to talk to his sister, Ava, for days. The fourth rule wasn't hard to abide by, because they worked steadily all day. Faust was a repeat offender of the first rule.

"I have spoken to you Faust, answer me please," her voice was cold and her posture rigid. Greasy grey locks tumbled over her shoulders, her pupils were two little green pinpricks against the whites of her eyes. She had inherited the eyes from her father, they were the eyes of a witch, or sorcerer, according to wives tales, but Faust knew anyone could learn magic, the eyes didn't matter. What did his father see in her?

"I'm sorry, but I'm hungry," Faust said, his voice was hoarse, and he tried to swallow a knot in his throat.

"You are very, very, sorry. You are despicable, disgusting, and utterly foul you little swine. From now on you will eat from the pig sty!"

(This didn't really intimidate Faust, it was actually a bit of relief, seeings as the pigs probably had more to eat than he did.) "Mother never talked to me that way, but I'm glad I'll finally get to eat," he said, trying to seem calm. He was tired of Madelyna. He didn't understand how his father could put up with her, it seemed disgraceful to the woman who's remains lay under the willow tree in the field.

"YOU SHALL NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT, CREATURE!"

He felt the smack against his cold cheeks, it was like stepping on a foot that had fallen asleep. Little prickles spread across his face, and his eyebrows shot up in shock. A warm sensation spread over his body, then settled in the pit of his stomach. The warmth became a burning, and the boy felt like shouting. The burning hurt, but he didn't want it to go away, if he let it go away, it'd feel like forgiveness.

Faust opened his mouth to speak, but instead of words pouring from his throat, there came brilliant blue flames. They flared out of his nostrils and burned his face. It hurt, but it didn't harm him. When Faust realized what had happened, he was afraid and joyous at the same time. It meant Faust had potential to learn magic.

The old woman shot back towards the wall, beating her body where the flames had licked her. There were only a few scorched spots, no real harm. "What do you think you are doing? Do you wish to kill me? You are forbidden to use that again!" Her face was taught with fear, and Faust liked it. She was far less intimidating when she was afraid of him.

Just as the woman put out a flame in her white hair, Faust's dad stepped into the kitchen. He was wearing a warm, woolen coat Faust's mother had made him. "What's going on? Did you ask for that apple son?" His father asked upon seeing it in his hand, and Madelyna backed against the wall.

"I would've asked for it if I could speak before I was spoken to," he said simply. The smoldering sensation in his stomach had died out when he saw his father.

"The thing tried to kill me with some arcane black spell! Do something love!" Madelyna said. When Faust heard her call his father love, he almost puked. Madelyna had married her father for his money. Somehow, Madelyna had to have tricked Richard. Faust could never believe his dad really loved the woman.

"What are you saying? Is that true Faust?"

"It just happened dad! I swear! I got this feeling, and it just happened!" Faust was genuinely scared now, if his father believed Madelyna, what would happen to him?

"You hurt your own mother? How could you? Did you try to kill her?"

Faust felt something strange in the atmosphere, a smirk spread across Madelyna's cat like face. Faust hadn't notice her gripping his father's hand. Her unsettling eyes seemed to have grown a little. They were the size of a lady bug.

"Dad! I didn't mean too! It was something emotional, you know emotions effect the body, you were a scholar for three years!" Faust was shouting now, his voice had risen in pitch, almost like a whine. He was crying for help. His father didn't seem to hear him, he just stood rigid, looking him in the eyes.

"Faust, you have stolen before, you have lied before, why should I trust you now? Why should I have faith in a swine like you? Swine! You're worse than that. You are a Demon!"

Faust noticed his father's posture, the man was strong, and convivial, but after a hard days work, you could tell he was weary because his shoulders were slouched. Today, they were pulled back. Soil covered his knee caps, and his hands were dirtied. He had definitely been working in the mines today, why wasn't he acting tired?

"You don't mean it!" Faust shouted, warm tears blurred his vision, had his father really labeled him a Demon?

"You are a Demon. Leave this house!" His father's silvery grey hair glistened in the evening sunlight that filtered in through the window. He thrust his index finger towards the door.

Faust felt a cold sensation on his forehead. A little pattern had raised up there, and he knew that the black mark was upon him. His father had called him a Demon, and he had meant it. Now that he was marked, he would be an outcast, thrown aside for the wolves. No one would welcome him.

Faust gathered his few belongings and stuffed them into the coat of his old and tattered traveler's coat. It had been his grandfather's, passed down to Faust. It was warm and soft, and it smelled like his mother. It smelled sweet like honeysuckles. Faust ran out the door, never looking back at the old farm. He ran for the fields where the old willow tree guarded his mother's grave from the un-sanctified gaze of Madelyna. Honeysuckle vines crept over the beautiful, healthy tree.

Faust took a moment to lean against the smooth, marble slab that marked his mother's final resting place. Faust recalled her dark hair, it reminded him of a ravens wings, or a starry night, the way the glimmered in the sun. Her face was a milky white with cheeks like a blossoming rose. Her eyes though, her eyes were the most beautiful thing Faust remembers seeing. The closest thing he had ever seen to them was the sky in autumn. It paled in comparison to the beauty of her eyes though. Faust fell asleep a half mile away from the farm, resting against the willow tree, hoping to find a new haven.

Wow! this is great. You took the typical "Abandoned/outcast farmboy rejected/abandoned by his familY" route but then made the inside filling of this routine story very unique! Like I always say, take a used idea and make it better... I like how you based off of the eastern demon rather than the western one, which would make your character Faust less of the typical western "monster" and more of a tragic hero of sorts. Out of curiosity, is the black mark on his forehead Kanji?


You characterized very well, And it read very easily. I had no problem getting a feel for your creations, and the way you described their actions made them very realistic. You strayed away from things like "he was strong" or "she was mean" and you used more...mature adjectives that allowed a real portrait of your characters to be painted. You did a good job of introducing your world: You gave information about it in bits and pieces, not in one very long prologue which could get boring. Even after reading this small segment, I feel like I have a real grasp and understanding of the universe you've created thus far. All in all, Good work!