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Young Writers Society


wake up Buttercup /page #3/



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29 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 2050
Reviews: 29
Sun Oct 02, 2011 10:19 am
Metalmauzen says...



I saw his hand, but he was wearing gloves. They were black and seemed to be made of silk. He put the rather large vase between my legs, and the straw in my mouth. Immediately I started sucking. The water was surprisingly good. I never knew there could be differences in taste of water.

“You like it?”
I didn’t answer because I was eagerly drinking.
“I’ll take that as a yes. While your drinking I’ll explain the rules of our little game. I’ll ask you questions, and every time you answer it right I’ll turn your chair so that you can see more of this room. Every time I turn the chair there will be a surprise waiting for you. However, every time you don’t answer correctly you will be punished. Is that clear?”
I stopped drinking because I suddenly had to draw breath.
“Yes” I said.
My voice felt like it was before I got into this situation.
“Need something else before we start our little journey?” The voice asked again. “Could you refill the vase again please?”
“If you answer the warming-up question correctly I will.”
I suddenly felt a chill going down my spine, intuition you could say. Like I suddenly realised this game was going to have a lot of bad consequences if I wasn’t careful. I nodded.
“We’ll start off easy: Am I going to fill this vase again for you?”

His voice suddenly went grim. This is clearly a test, he wants to see if I trust him. If I answer yes he’ll think I trust him. If it isn’t correct he will not refill it. If I answer no I might step on his toes. But if it’s correct I’ll get my water. Why was this water suddenly so important for me? Maybe he is just measuring me. He clearly worked this out way before he brought me here. If I answer incorrectly he might take away the vase, and maybe play some kind of strip poker here. If I answer correctly he will refill the vase. I must not let him know he is dealing with someone stupid here. I opened my mouth and said :
“If I would answer correctly you will”.

For a moment I didn’t hear a sound. The voice didn’t move and didn’t speak. After some moments more –that felt like minutes- he said:
“That is a correct answer.”

He tried to suppress the surprised tone in his voice, but I could hear he was surprised. I saw the black glove taking the vase and leave with it from my line of sight. I have no idea why the sound of the water filling the vase was such a big relief for me.

He acted slowly, took his time. Him being calm made me really nervous. I don’t have a clue where this game is going and I’m not sure if I want to find out.

He walked up to me again and put the vase between my legs exactly like he did before. The straw pointed away from me, he turned it so that I could drink from it again.
“Thank you” I said.
Why was I thanking my kidnapper? I wanted to save my water because I had a feeling it would be of big importance for me in the near future, so I didn’t drink.
This could very well be the push that makes you move
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 903
Reviews: 14
Mon Oct 24, 2011 10:52 pm
JosephBohnenberger says...



It's an okay writing, it does make me want to read the beggining two pages but let me give you some friendly advice. Do not be always so direct with your writing. Indirect writing make the readers more instrested and begin to ask themselves questions making them want to read more. I also right stories like this, good job. Keep up the writing!
Sleep Walk-Bohnenberger
  








I drink tea and forget the world's noises.
— Chinese saying