z

Young Writers Society


Mostly Human Chapter 5



User avatar
25 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1057
Reviews: 25
Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:57 pm
nutmegan595 says...



Chapter Five: Just another everyday vampire party.

My birthday party was nearly identical to Charlotte’s. We came downstairs at sunset and most of the estate was already full of vampires. The party probably looked similar to a human party as well except the ages were different. The teenage-looking vampires—most under a hundred—were in the basement while the older ones—some nearly a thousand—mingled on the first floor. There were plenty of smiles and hellos as I walked through the living room.
“Anna,” a middle-aged woman with a crystal glass of blood said as she came up to me, “I knew your mother well. You look so much like her.” Speaking of which, I thought, where are my parents? Plenty of people whom I had never met, but apparently knew my parents, had spoken to me but my mom and dad were nowhere to be found.
“Anna?” asked a man standing in the kitchen just as I walked past.
“Yes?” I turned and the man looked familiar. He had sandy hair and, while most of the vampire-men lacked facial hair, a short beard. Faint memories popped into my head of hushed conversations with my father years ago.
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” he began, “but you’re parents aren’t able to come tonight.” I nodded briefly. I was disappointed they weren’t coming, but this wasn’t really the venue to have the length of talk I wanted with them. “They hope to come in the next few days, though.”
“Thank you. Um, I’m sorry, but don’t I know you?”
“Miguel Teniente,” he answered, extending his hand. “I’m a friend of your father’s.”
“Apparently, so is everyone else here,” I muttered. I saw Fletcher out of the corner of my eye and smiled at him. He came over but ignored Miguel except for a curt nod.
“Want to go downstairs?” he asked.
“Sure. It was nice meeting you,” I said to Miguel as I turned away. “Do you know him?” I asked Fletcher when we reached the stairs.
“Who?”
“Miguel Teniente—the man you gave the cold shoulder.”
“Sort of,” Fletcher answered and for a minute I thought he would leave it at that. “He knew my parents.”
“Ah, some bad blood there?” I said in a joking tone. Fletcher stayed silent and I dropped the subject.
“Anna manzana!” I heard Elena shriek as she appeared at the bottom of the stairs. “Happy birthday!”
“Thanks Ellie,” I said slowly. She always came up with such strange nicknames for us. Charlotte had the worst when one time she was “Charlotte the harlot.” Somehow Ellie forced me into a tight hug even though I’m more than six inches taller than her.
“Come on, Anna,” Rachel said, appearing behind me. “Let’s get away from Elena,” she whispered in my ear. I glanced at Ellie to see if she heard, but if she did she didn’t acknowledge it.
This time it was Hayden sitting at the bar, but his glass wasn’t spiked with anything but more blood. Charlotte came out of nowhere and sat down next to him.
“Enjoying your first vampire party?” Charlotte asked him.
“It could be better,” he said with a smirk.
“What? Even with these amazing refreshments?” she asked picking up his glass and downing the contents.
“Maybe if we all turned into bats.”
“Oh really?” Charlotte said with a devious smile. I had a feeling she picked a halter top specifically so this could happen. She extended her bat wings and stretched them out to their full length. “Come on Anna,” she added turning to me. “Show off those new wings you’ve got.”
“I think you showing off is all we’re going to fit in this room.”
“So let’s go outside,” Fletcher chimed in. I turned and gaped at him. Of everyone, he was the last—well before Rachel—I would expect to encourage showing off vampire powers. I shrugged and we crossed the room to the stairs leading outside.
It was a weird sensation, extending my wings. They are usually inside my back when I don’t have them extended, so trying to bring them out was different than moving any other limb. But I can’t consciously feel the wings, so I tried to make the motions of using them.
“Whoa,” I gasped when I was lifted a few feet in the air then fell back to the ground. Charlotte smirked and climbed one of the columns using the claws at the elbow joint of her wings. She grabbed the balcony above us and climbed onto the railing.
“It’s easier if you jump off of something,” Charlotte explained as she stretched the huge wings. She leapt off the balcony and caught the wind under the large wings. Charlotte flapped the wings once and soared higher into the air.
I turned to the balcony and grabbed the rail in one jump. Turning toward the pool, I leaned forward and spread my wings. The water below me glistened and the trees farther beyond swayed in the wind. Charlotte made another pass by the house before landing on the balcony behind me.
“If you don’t jump I’m going to push you off,” she whispered in my ear. I smirked and pulled in my wings, jumping straight up before pushing the air behind me with my wings.
“Ay dios mio,” I whispered when I zoomed forward. Everything around me became blurry as I experimented with turning, accelerating, and maneuvering. Spinning back to the hacienda, my vision focused on the figured standing in front of the pool. I dived toward Fletcher, who was leaning against a column on the veranda. I landed at a run in front of him and Fletcher grabbed my shoulders to keep me upright.
“Thanks,” I said and turned to see Charlotte land gracefully on her feet.
“Ooh,” Charlotte called, “I guess Anna isn’t good at everything.”
“Eres demasiada graciosa, Char. Porque nunca te dejará, ni nada.”
“No, of course not,” Charlotte replied. She smiled mischievously and sat on a deck chair. I watched some of the guys who were having a contest to see who could run farthest on the surface of the pool. Last time it was jumping across tree tops.
I wandered along the veranda and could feel Fletcher watching me the entire time. He probably had some idea what I was going to do. When I reached the opposite end, I took off running at full speed. One of the guys had just gotten on the water when I jumped, clearing his head and crossing the pool lengthwise.
“That,” I said to him when I landed, “is how it’s done.” Suddenly I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Charlotte for a second before falling backwards into the pool.
“Nope. That is,” she said simply and grabbed another glass of blood off the table.
  





User avatar
34 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4977
Reviews: 34
Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:35 pm
Amylith says...



Hi!
I'm sorry to say that I haven't read the first four chapters of this book, but after reading this chapter, I just might (when I have time, that is). But anyway, since I haven't read the other chapters, I'll just review this as it stands alone.

Honestly, when I first started reading I was afraid that this was going to be the same old vampire story, but I was glad to find that it wasn't. The vampires actually drink blood and they have wings, which is something that I've never seen before. I assume that you introduced that fact in the earlier chapters, but just in this chapter that idea was introduced very suddenly. It wasn't even mentioned at the beginning of the chapter.

There were a lot of characters, and some of them seemed unnecessary and confused me about who was talking. For example, Hayden was in the chapter to say one sentence, then wasn't mentioned again. I assume he went outside with the rest of the characters, but he didn't seem to serve any real purpose.

One of the things that made me want to keep reading was the fact that you offered a mystery. At least at the beginning, I'm curious to know where her parents are and what she wants to talk to them about, as well as who that Miguel guy is. I was disappointed that the mystery sort of faded throughout the chapter, but I guess I'll just have to read the next chapter to find out what happens!

Overall, I think this is a very nice, very readable piece. Keep writing!

~Amylith
If you fail to practice your art, it will soon disappear ~ German saying.

Some people just deserve to get tazed ~ Andy
  





User avatar
56 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 850
Reviews: 56
Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:23 pm
EvensLily says...



Heya,
I like the chapter title Just another everyday vampire party- yeah, cuz that happens everyday!
As a writer of Vampires and werewolves and all that Jazz, I am very intrigued of other people versions of mythical creatures and so on. And I enjoyed this very much. I like the edge you put on your story... The drinking of blood out of glass beakers and so on. One of the things that stood out to me is that they have wings. I have never seen this before really, out of interest have you heard of Harpys? They are actually a greek mythology creature that drink blood and have wings? Going just a tad off topic!
Your writing style was good and they way you kept me interested with nearly every line was a great achievement, I find sometimes with especially just reading chapters I get bored, I'm very happy to say that never happened.
I will make it my personal duty to read the rest!
Happy review day!
Evenslily x
Write and Smile people! X
  








cron
I think the more you understand myths, the more you understand the roots of our culture and the more things will resonate.
— Rick Riordan