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Hunted ch. 19



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Wed Sep 21, 2011 1:02 am
tgirly says...



"Tell us about when you saved us," Aya asks that night. The twins had been silent or crying all day, but Aya seemed to have gotten her composure back after supper. It had taken Alina longer to recover. She hadn't said a word yet.
"You know the story," Mitch says. The girls are curled up in the truck bed. I'm in the back seat with my knees hanging out the window. Silas's feet are hanging out the front seat window in a similar fashion. Charlie is lying on the floor of the truck.
"I know, but I like hearing the way you tell it," Aya says.
"Do you want to hear it, Al?" Mitch asks.
"Yes, I'm ready," Alina says.
"Okay," Mitch says, "I was making my way across the country. I was heading West, and crossing through the little town of Hardin, Montana," Mitch sighs, "I was twelve. That means you were two cute, bright-eyed five year olds."
"And Alina had pig-tails," Aya says, playing with Alina's hair. Alina smooths her hair out and gives a slight smile.
"I was alone at the time, I hadn't met Silas or Brett yet. I had hitched a ride that morning and was dropped off at a Dairy Queen. I'd been meandering around, searching for a place to sleep. I noticed smoke billowing from a house a few blocks away. It was like dragon's breath, dark and ominous." I heard one of the twins shiver, and the other giggled.
"I, being the awesome, curious girl that I am, went to investigate," Mitch says.
"The house was in flames," Aya breathes.
"The house was in flames," Mitch says, "They were leaping and jumping, seamingly as tall as skyscrapers. I heard... shreaks, from the top window, and looked up to see three little kids. One with pigtails. They were silouetted by the light of the fire behind them. And then they ducked. I thought they'd fainted. I thought they were gone. I looked around, wondering what I should do. I still hadn't heard a fire truck yet. It was late, no one had probably noticed the fire yet. Then I saw Them. I ducked behind a garbage can, and from the light of the flames and the streetlamps, watched Them feeding the flames. One of them noticed me and started my way. I straightened and tried to act normal.
"'What are you doing there? Go back to bed. Everything's fine,' the guy said, trying to sound authoritative. I almost laughed at his attempt to sound older. 'There's kids upstairs!' I told the guy, trying to sound like I was nothing more than a concerned citizen. He nodded and told me to go back to bed, everything was under control. I nodded and made to head into one of the nearest houses. Then when I heard him walking away, I grabbed him 'round the neck and knocked his head against the garbage can.
I sauntered toward the fire, pretending to be one of Them. I don't know why I did, I thought you kids were goners, I just wanted to make sure that I'd be there if anyone needed me. It was kinda stupid, looking back on it. I... just wanted to find some way to help... And then I heard a shriek from the upstairs window. I heard apart of the roof cave in, and knew that the whole thing would collapse soon. I know Silas would've talked me out of it, I know if I'd thought about it for even a second I wouldn't have, but I bolted right into the house. It was like stepping into a fire place. I heard someone shouting after me, but I didn't hear them. I ran up the staircase, at super speed, and emerged into the hallway. A beam had fallen in front of the door, making it impossible to open the door. So I kicked it, and it snapped. I jumped over the burning beam, as nimble as Jack. I found you all huddled in a corner. Aya was peaking out the one window in the room to see if They were gone yet. I had that other kid climb on my back. She didn't hold on that tight, I felt like a slight jostle would throw her off. She was just too weak and oxygen-deprived to hold on any tighter. You two, you were still had a little bit more energy. It's 'cause you're like us. We can last longer with littler amounts of oxyegen than normal people can. I held your small, sweaty hands. I had to let go of your's for a second, Aya; but after that, it would've tooken an atomic bomb to make me let go. And maybe not even that." Silas snorted. I thought he was asleep, but I guess he's been listening too. I glance at Charlie, and see that he's curled up and fast asleep.
"Shut up, Si," Mitch says.
"I didn't say anything,' he says.
"You know you wouldn't have let go either," Mitch says, "You act tough, but when push comes to shove, you would've tried just as hard to save the twins, and you know it."
"How do you know?"
"I know 'cause you're human," Mitch says, "And humans have emotions. We're not naturally rational creatures. You may try hard to be rational, but in times of trial, you'll revert right back to your instincts. You love these kids, and you'd do anything to keep them from harm Si. Don't deny it." I stare at Mitch.
"Deep," I say, "Where'd you hear that?" Silas's eyes look like they're trying to escape from his face.
"Around, I guess... being on the run gives you time to think," Mitch says, "What?" she says, frowning at Silas.
"Who are you and what have you done to Mitch?" Silas says.
"When're we going to get back to the story," Aya complains.
"Sorry," Mitch says, "I let go of your hand, but only to break the window. One of the shards hit my jaw, but I didn't really notice it until later. At the time, it just felt like it itched. Then I grabbed your hand again, and we skedaddled out of there."
"Skedaddled?" I say.
"Yes, we skedaddled. Look it up in a dictionary," Mitch retorts, "From the window, we jumped onto the pation awning, which cushioned our blow to the ground. I pulled you two to your feet, and we beat it outa there like... well, like the place was on fire."
"And They chased us," Aya says.
"Yes, They chased us," Mitch says, "I pushed you guys over a fence, and we swerved from lawn to lawn, running like we were drunk so it'd be hard for Them to shoot us. We finally lost Them when we made two quick turns and hid in a shed. They split up, but the one that came our way was no match for the Awesome, Indestructable Mitch," she puts on an announcer's voice as she says the last words. The twins giggle.
"We got to talkin', found out that They could care less about the other kid, and dumped her on some random door step with careful instructions not to mention Them or me, or the fact that we were alive," Mitch concludes, "And we've been great buddies since then, haven't we? We were all happy until Silas showed up. Men, they always ruin the fun."
"Someone's gotta keep order," Silas says.
"No watch tonight," Mitch says, "We're all too tuckered out. We'll be fine."
After awhile, when Mitch thinks we're all asleep, Mitch says, "Si?"
"Yeah," he says. His voice is slurred, as if he's still half-asleep.
"If you had the chance, would you try to save me?" she asks. I stiffen slightly, but quickly relax again, so they weren't guess I'm awake.
"O'course," he says, before he thinks about it, "I mean, who else could keep the twins in line."
"Mmhmm," Mitch says, "Nice save."
"Shut up," Silas says.
Last edited by tgirly on Fri Sep 23, 2011 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel
  





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Fri Sep 23, 2011 5:21 am
FutureFamousWriter says...



I do not want to be a pain or anything, but the last sentence " I drifted to sleep" is so old and used its not funny. I know personally how hard it is to end a chapter but " I drifted to sleep" doesn't appeal as much and doesn't make a reader wonder what is going to happen next. In addition, a lot of novels have that last sentence. I don't want to seem like a meanie or anything. I generally like your story, however don't sell yourself short with " I drifted to sleep" because the ending sentence of a chapter could potentially turn off the reader or make the reader beg for more. Apart from that, for a 13 year old, you have a gift there that I'm glad to see you putting to use.

Keep up the great work!

Future Famous Writer :)
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:06 pm
WriteWriter says...



When I read this chapter, I forgot how the other chapter was so I reread Chapter 18 and then read this one. This was another great chapter and I'm finding though, that the chapter seemed just a bit short to me and I don't know why.
so they weren't guess I'm awake.

Um, here, weren't should be changed to wouldn't.
I Know I Can Wish Upon A Star But My Past Is My Past, And That Includes Last Night And Yesterday.
  








I am always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.
— Holden Caulfield