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The 9/11 Attacks Saved My Life



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Sun Sep 11, 2011 7:27 pm
UntitledDocument says...



Spoiler! :
I just want to say that I wasn't near the towers or was involved in 9/11 at all. I'm going purely off of documentaries, witness/victim stories, etcetera. My apologies if I get anything incorrect - I mean no disrespect to anyone.
God bless the ones who were lost and their families because of 9/11. <3

Also, this story starts when the first tower is collapsing. The second has yet to come down.


CHAPTER 1
Truth

I'm running with all my might. The heat caused by the friction of my worn shoes against the road is easily seeping through; my feet are on fire. My sweat has drenched my heavy cotton shirt and pull-over hoodie. My jeans are rubbing against my legs harshly and I'm sure I'll have raw spots later.

I've been running for what seems an eternity, and when I don't care about my past or my future, that's pretty much what it is. I'm not even sure why I'm running. Why didn't I just stay in the tower? That would be fulfilling my wish, wouldn't it? But then again, I was a person of my word and I wasn't about to let myself die on the wrong date.
I stumble a few times and almost run into other fleeing people who were stupid enough to watch the tower as it was becoming engulfed in flames. I don't dare look back, but I know there's a giant cloud of debris and dust about to swallow me whole. So I keep running.

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
My heartbeat's going twice as fast as my footfall is, and that's saying something. I can hear the roar and squealing from the tower as is collapses - it pushes me forward even more. The sound seems to get closer and closer, and I know that it's shoving the debris closer to me.
My chest is tightening with nothing other than terror. I don't want to be suffocated by the toxic fumes I can sense are coming my way, but I will be. My legs are so exhausted they're almost numb and my stride is becoming less of a stampede and more of a jog.

Then there it is - my breaking point.
Defeat is so painful it's almost like I can hear the resolve to my life.
Snap. It's all over.
Just like that, I'm on my stomach and my face smashed up against the gritty pavement. Warm tears are seeping through my eyes, wetting my eyelashes as I scrape my fingers against the ground in sheer frustration. It feels like my life's in an agonizing slow motion.
My mind then betrays me and one traitor thought reveals it all to me in the worst time possible.

Please, I don't want to die. But this is how it is.

I'm now breathing in the polluted air, not caring how bad it smelled, how bad it felt sucking in through my nostrils and into my lungs. After only a few breaths, the debris has collected and there's goop sticking in my throat. I cough violently in a purely instinctual attempt to dislodge it.

Suddenly a hand yanks on my upper arm, forcing me to get up. I move only by force, as my legs feel completely useless.
I'm just exhausted. All the adrenaline, the fight, has left me, leaving me with something similar to a hangover. But if not for me, for this person. I knew what guilt felt like, and I couldn't put my death on someone's shoulders.
I get up and quickly break into a run with the stranger beside me, the fear of guilt, and still not death, energizing my body. The ashes are blowing everywhere; all my senses are powerless. My ears are aching from the noise, my taste buds are coated with some unnatural residue, and opening my eyes would cause particles to collect in them.
Pieces of the tower are still smacking into the ground, clanging all around me. I can only hope that a piece doesn't crush me.
A few more paces forward and then it all stops. Just silence. I stop running, watching the dust settle slowly like snow in morbid fascination. My mind won't allow the truth to sink in that the “snow” contains human remains.

Relief starts to wash over me from the knowledge that it's over, but there's also a sour twang of dread in the air. It's bitter, and my stomach feels like I ate a bucket of lemons. How many people are dead now?
It had to be in the thousands.
I'm stuck in some sort of a daze for minutes, breathing shallowly and swallowing collected ashes in my throat every once in a while.
This was America. America. I thought I had had some sense of safety before, but now it was like someone had ripped the walls to my shelter down. Bare. Exposed.
Was there going to be another explosion right by my feet in a second or two? What was going to happen next? Would we have to start hiding everyday, carry a gun with us 24/7? Would we have war in our own backyards?

“Hello? Can you talk to me, please?” I hear a voice from in front of me and shove myself back to the real world. I quickly realize she was the one who had pulled me up from the ground.
“Yes, sorry,” I struggle to answer. My voice is hoarse and my throat feels raw.
“Okay, good,” the woman sighs in relief.
“Thank you,” I say suddenly, in the least grateful tone in the world.

Zoraida Alger, queen of the social butterfly planet. My thoughts say sarcastically.
I inwardly roll my eyes at them in a very childish manner.
Not in this life.

The woman looks back at me and nods. “Just helping out when I can.” There's a tense pause, and it feels long for only a second. “Is there anyone I can help look for? For you. I mean, you must have family.”

I'm used to the tightening in my chest when someone says the word “family” and refers to me.

“No, I'm an orphan,” I try to state as less blunt as I can, but it comes out like a slap to her soft soul, her thin eyebrows shooting up in shock.

Sorry about that.

“Oh...” she says slowly, “I'm sorry.”

Three “sorries” in under a minute. Wowzers.

I decide to change the subject. “Do you have any family I could help look for? It would be the least I could do.” I feel more than a little awkward. Thousands of people had just died, were dying, or were brutally injured and we're pretty much exchanging pleasantries.

So very, very considerate.


“I have a son named Aden... but I really shouldn't be asking-”

“No, really. I want to help you out,” I interrupt.
Got nothing else to do.

“Okay,” she looks happier than I've ever even imagined anyone could. It makes my heart warm.
She quickly explains to me his features, and so I take off, forgetting my own pain from exhaustion.
Once I turn down onto another street, closer to the towers, I swallow hard. People are everywhere, choking up ashes and scrubbing them off their faces. If I had anything in my stomach it would've been out within a second.
I run over to the closest person possible and ask them if they're okay. Obviously it's a stupid question, but I think they get that I mean life-or-death within the next few minutes, considering the circumstances.

They do, thank goodness.

There are rescue workers quickly flooding the area, but I still want to find Aden. I realize I never got his mother's name, but I lose interest in my thoughts when I see someone who fits the description she had given me.
I run up to him. “Are you Aden Brann?” I ask.
He turns around - I'm not surprised his face is covered in ashes - and he's taller than I expected. Like, not basketball player tall but like, casts-a-small-shadow-on-you tall.

You've got a real diverse vocab,
my thoughts muttered.

“Yeah?” He says, but looks at me as if I just asked him if he was two scoops of Raisin Bran with extra fiber.
Awkward, much.

“You're Mom's been looking for you,” I say like I'm a neighbor and ignoring the fact how quickly I found him. Maybe they hadn't been separated for very long.

“My mom?” He looks completely lost for a moment.

“Yep. She's coming over here, I think. She's right th-”

“I'm sorry, I don't think I understand.” He says, cutting me off.

I tilt my head to the side as if it'll get what he's meaning through my head easier.

He swallows and his eyes flicker to behind my head for a split second.
“My mom's been dead for eight years.”
  





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Thu Sep 15, 2011 1:29 am
BluesClues says...



Ooh, cool ending.

The main criticism I have to make of this: It's weird that - you know, the first third of the story, she's running and her heart's racing, etc, etc...and then, all of a sudden, she's thinking sarcastic thoughts. It seems to me that if she'd just been running and freaking out and scared and stuff, she wouldn't revert so quickly to sarcasm, even if sarcasm is usually her natural defense against fear. For something that big, I don't think sarcasm would cut it.

But your writing is good, and the story is interesting so far. I will like this for you in the hopes that you get more reviews - I hope people aren't staying away from this because they're like, "how could these attacks have done anyone any good? BLASPHEMY!!!"

Anyways, I know that's not much, but I hope it helped :)

~Blue
  





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Thu Sep 15, 2011 6:20 pm
EvensLily says...



Heya
This is a great piece of writing, a great title choice too. The 9/11 attacks saved my life... not you're normal title, Its great! Like someone said before me, maybe you should make slight adjustments to when she's running and about to die! If you're freaking out like that I doubt you'd start to think about something not tying into the situation of "Run and get out of here!". This story is really great, good Job,
Evenlily xxx
Write and Smile people! X
  





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Thu Sep 15, 2011 7:50 pm
UntitledDocument says...



Thank you!
I think I will adjust her thoughts a bit, but she is recovering from split (or dissociative) personality disorder (which is why she's homeless and depressed), so she still struggles with ridiculous thoughts and self esteem. More about her background will be revealed shortly, so that might clear some things up. :)
  





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Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:03 pm
LookUpThere says...



Hi, NewHero. Here to do a review. Hopefully I can help you improve this already quite good work.

First of all I want to tell you how stellar your descriptions are. I loved the goop line especially, and the running at the beginning. I'd recommend thought you spend even just a paragraph describing the city - which everybody pretty much knows. But I'm sure you can put a real spin on it. Considering this setting is so fundamental to the story, I would love to see it through the eyes of the character.

Next I want to suggest that you watch out with too much sarcasm. Well, actually, I'd rather that you handle it a little bit better. I think it's fundamental to our understand of the character, so don't scrap it. I'm glad you acknowledged how awkward the pleasantries were... but then again this ties in with what I just said about the setting - we're in the middle of a terrorist attack and it feels a bit unrealistic. Not that your MC has to panic, but how does she know it's a terrorist attack or that she'll have to carry AK's? Well, I assume she might've thought that it was an accident, actually. But if you want to run it this way, fine - just make sure not to make it an action novel based on the one character. Keep everything in perspective in terms of setting, place and time. We are just focusing on this one interesting character in an incredibly heartbreaking and tragic event - because they're story is interesting.

And finally, about the ending. Well done :D

Keep it up,
God bless,
TheNewHero
  








Writing is the geometry of the soul.
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