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This is not the name of the story(chapter two)



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Tue Aug 09, 2011 12:35 am
Ray112 says...



Chapter two

By the time I got there the rain was pouring down hard. I parked right in the God damn front—med techs and nurses looking at me and everything—and I half dragged half carried Sean out of the passenger seat. Immediately the doctors sprang into action, providing a wheel chair, and helping me push my nearly comatose buddy into the hospital.

The staff carried Sean away and the whole way one of the doctors asked me a set of questions about his condition. I answered what I could but didn’t have much to give.

They sat me in the waiting room. I twirled the little red pill bottle in my hand wondering if it would help at all. There were no markings no pills, just an empty bottle. I had no idea if that would be of use. What could I do? I stuff the canister back into my pocket just as a tall figure stepped in front of me.

“Is your name Eric Carter?” the man said. I looked up at him and immediately alarm bells went off.

“Who wants to know?” I replied.

“I do. My name is agent Monroe I work for the FBI.” The dude was buff as hell, and he looked like the rock. He had a shaved head and a pretty wicked handle bar mustache. Oh yeah, this guy was bad news. Why would he waste his time looking for a no name like me? My night just went from bad to worse.

“Come with me Eric,” he said “lets take a walk.” Every fiber of my being knew that I should’ve ran then and there, but my legs felt like jell-o. I got up and followed Agent Monroe out of the hospital to the police car parked out front. Next to my jeep, I noticed. Beautiful.

“When you’re friend’s finished being stabilized,” he informed me “we’re moving him also. He’ll be joining us at the station.”

“The staion?” I asked but I already knew the answer. I slid into the back seat and he held the door.

“Yes, the police station. Ever been there?” He slammed the door shut.


They held me in the interrogation room. I sat in there alone for what felt like hours. It was the oldest technique in the book. They leave you alone with your thoughts just long enough to crack. And it worked. The moment Monroe stepped in I was ready to sing like a canary. I would’ve sold out my own Mom if he asked me to…sorry Mom.

“Do you know why you’re here Eric?” he asked.

I burst like a bubble. “No, I don’t have a clue what’s going on. Where’s Sean? What’s he gotten into? Why are you keeping me here?”

Monroe spoke calmly. Not a trace of emotion showed on his face. “Do you know these names: Michael Emery…”

“Wait what does this have to do—?”

“…Austin Lorrey…”

“Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

“…Sarah Mitchelle.” Sarah? Monroe paused. He knew that name struck a cord.

“So you know her?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said “she was my girl-friend.” Not totally a lie, I thought. “What does this have to do with anything?” Monroe had me. Now he was ready to make his move.

“You were at a party last night weren’t you?” He asked. The images flashed before my eyes like a movie. I remembered the name Michael Emery. It was his birthday party thrown by his frat brothers. He’d invited Sean but Sean said he wouldn’t go unless I could come too. That excluded I had a great night: I beasted in beer pong, chugged a keg, then I saw Sarah.

“Yeah, so what?” I asked. Monroe nodded, documenting that response for later use probably.

“See here’s the thing. Other than you and your friend Sean, everybody who went to that party is dead.” Monroe slapped a manilla folder onto the table. It had pictures in it. The photos showed rooms from the frat house, except they looked a little different since the last time I’d been in them. The walls and ceilings were splattered in red, the floors were covered in chunks of meet. Monroe showed me another picture: one with a severed hand, and another with the severed head of a girl. My head swam, I couldn’t look anymore. Monroe nodded as if expecting that reaction. One question still formed in my mind but I could barely get it out.

“And Sarah?”

“We couldn’t find her,” Monroe stated. “She went with missing along with your boy Michael Emery.” I relaxed a little, but only a little.

Monroe leaned forward. “You and your buddy Sean are the only ones who we know walked away from that party and lived.” I knew where he was going with this. Monroe was looking for answers. Truth be told, he was just as clueless as me.

“Well you’re out of luck,” I said, “I left the party early.”

“Sir,” a young female police officer peeked into the room. The badge on her uniform said Bishop. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

Monroe glared at her, “What is it?”

I had to give Officer Bishop some credit. She didn’t back down, even when Monroe looked every bit like he was about to rip someone’s face off. Me on the other hand, I was ready to pee my pants and he wasn’t even looking at me.

“It’s the hospital,” she said. “There’s been an incident.”


I hate cliff hangers. They drive me nuts. I can’t stand waiting for news, especially when I know it’s going to be bad news. They left me in the interrogation room with a swarm of questions buzzing around my head. Where was Sarah? What the hell happened at that party? What happened at the hospital? And what the hell had Sean gotten into?! Sean was at the center of all this! He should be the one in this stupid room! Not me.

By the time Monroe finally returned, I was drowning in a sea of doubts. Had I been the one that let it come to this? If not for me Sean wouldn’t be vegetating in a hospital bed. I should’ve done something sooner. I shouldn’t have been so selfish…

The agent’s energy had changed. He sat down in the chair in front of me and said nothing, his face a blank mask with emotions boiling beneath the surface. I couldn’t take Monroe’s sudden lack of words any longer. So I asked the question I dreaded, the one that I didn’t have to ask because I already knew the answer.

“Is Sean dead?”

Monroe, didn’t deny it but he didn’t confirm it either, which was getting really annoying so I snapped. “Damn it! Monroe I just want an answer!”

Monroe nodded but his face remained stone solid. Something was wrong. There was something he wasn’t telling me.

“Wait a minute” I said, “something really bad happened didn’t it?” Monroe held up his hand.

“There’s something you need to see.”\


Monroe pulled into the hospital parking lot. It was early morning probably about six and a crowd had already gathered in front of the hospital.

“Wow,” I said “I knew this place was busy but I never thought it was this bad.”

“That’s not why they’re here. Look.” Monroe said. I did. And I couldn’t believe what I saw for a second.

What.The.Hell.

The spot where the hospital had been previously sitting earlier was now replaced by an enormous column of smoke. The hospital itself was engulfed in flames, and its entire first floor had sunk into the foundation. Literally. The damn building looked like a ghost ship, its smoky silhouette rose above us at a slant like a perverted version of the leaning tower of Pisa.

“Damn, what a waste.” Monroe pulled out a piece of gum and chewed it. Officer Bishop who stood next to me put her hand on my shoulder. My brain couldn’t process what was in front me. It all felt wrong. Did this mean Sean—my best friend—was dead? This was wrong. The story was not supposed to end like this.

“I’m sorry about you’re friend.” I must’ve told Bishop where I lived because I didn’t remember anything about the ride back.

“It’s not your fault you know.” Bishop smiled at me. She was kind. She could probably see what I was thinking. I didn’t doubt it. The words were written all over my face.

“You don’t understand,” I said. “I had a bad feeling about the party. That’s why I left. If I was a real friend, I would’ve made Sean come with me. But I was selfish.” Sarah’s face flashed into my mind and after a pang of guilt. I got out of the car.

“Eric, wait!” Bishop rolled down the window, “What do you mean, you were selfish?”

I shook my head. “Nothing, I’ve gotta go.”

That’s what’s so confusing about guilt; it doesn’t have to make sense. Sean and I had always been looking after each other. We didn’t have to say it out loud. We were brothers; that’s what we do. But that night, for once, I didn’t want to be the responsible one. I wanted to live a little. I wanted to stop following after Sean all the time. I wanted to prove to myself that I wasn’t someone’s lackey. Then I met Sarah... My wants were valid. I didn’t have to feel responsible for Sean. Yet, I did. If I had made him leave with me that night, he would be a live and we’d be watching all this crap on the news.

When I got to my floor, Christine was standing in front of her door with her hand on the door knob. She didn’t seem okay.

“Hey, Christine,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t find Biffy,” she said. She didn’t look at me. Her eyes were focused on the door knob as if it were some unsolved problem. She seemed upset. I put my hand on her shoulder and something strange happened. She flinched. She shrugged me off and retreated quickly into her apartment. I sighed and unlocked my door.

I was tired. I’d been up all morning and all I wanted was sleep. I kicked off my shoes and fell face first onto my bed, relieved that I could finally and this horrible morning and forget everything in my sleep…


Then. The phone rang.


Bzzzzzzp! Bzzzzzzzpp!!!! Bzzzzzzzzpppppp!!!


I picked up my phone and looked at the time and it read 7:15.

“Hello, who is this?”

“Dude, it’s me. Sean.”
Last edited by Ray112 on Wed Aug 10, 2011 1:05 am, edited 3 times in total.
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Tue Aug 09, 2011 10:41 pm
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AngelKnight900 says...



This is actually very good. I was actually a bit confused because I read journal entry #2 the other day but I see your change.It doesn't really resemble a journal format but I guess it's because it's typed or something. It's your story and most authors have a different way of writing things. Other than that, I will be following/keeping up with this story and I'm hooked (and scared of not reading this) hahahaha XD. Keep writing.


p.s. I like your ending. Makes the reader want to read more
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Sun Aug 28, 2011 1:13 pm
Lauren2010 says...



Hey Ray! Back again for another review!

Wow, killer ending! The progression of the plot is really good; it's paced well, and interesting too. I thought I might have known where it was going, but turns out I don't, which is a great way to start a story. Being able to surprise a reader is always an asset.

I only had a few things that bugged me about this chapter:
Oh yeah, this guy was bad news. Why would he waste his time looking for a no name like me? My night just went from bad to worse.

This reaction to Monroe struck me as odd. It would seem to me that in his position, considering he thought Sean had gotten into some crazy drugs, that a police officer wanting to ask him questions would be almost expected. Since he's Sean's best friend, and Eric even thought Sean had gotten into something illegal.

Monroe, didn’t deny it but he didn’t confirm it either, which was getting really annoying so I snapped. “Damn it! Monroe I just want an answer!”

This also struck me as strange. Even if he were frustrated, I don't think Eric would quite address a police officer this way. He doesn't seem like the kind of person who would treat authority like that, even if he's angry.

The only other thing is when Eric leaves Bishop's car to go back to his apartment. I don't quite understand why they even let him leave. Every other person from that party has come up either dead or missing. Eric is their only tie to knowing what went down at the party. Why would they risk letting him out of their sight?

Other than that, great job! I really enjoyed this chapter, and can't wait for the next one!

Keep writing!

-Lauren-
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