Young Writers Society

The first bomb struck at 12:00 midnight exactly.
Clay's eyes snapped open, and he was suddenly wide awake. He sat up, as another bomb lit up the Australian sky outside of the window.
The hut shook, and Clay heard the clamber of movement. "Clay! Mary!" Uncle Krauck's voice shouted through the narrow hallways. He knocked Clay's flimsy door off its hinges, grabbing Clay by the hand and dragging him into the small living room. Clay was quickly joined by his Aunt Mary, and Krauck returned with a gun in his hand. Clay recognized it at once. It was the one he used to get rid of threatening animals on the Safari. Clay shuddered to think of why Uncle Krauck had it now.
"Go hide in the Hummer. Now." There was gruff roughness in his voice that Clay had never heard before. Aunt Mary, ignoring his protests and questions, ushered him outside.
She shoved him into the Hummer, pushing him into the floorboard. "Shut up, don't move, wait here." And she left.
Clay flinched several times in a row as gun-shots rang out. Screams and shouts erupted through the night, shrill cries of pain ripping through the sky. Clay somehow knew that a small war had erupted, over him. And Uncle Krauck and Aunt Mary weren't alone. There were other people, people Clay knew were friends of his parents, out there helping them fight off whatever was attacking.
Uncle Krauck returned alone. Aunt Mary arrived shortly after him. None of them spoke as Uncle Krauck started the ignition.
They drove. How far or how long Clay didn't know. The horizon was turning a fragile pink, wallabies and kangaroos coming out for the day, and Clay was just starting to fall asleep again.........
"C'mon. We're here." Aunt Mary's roughly shook him awake. Sleepily, he climbed slowly out of the Hummer.
They were at the International Airport. They lived the span of three United States Texases away from it, so Clay knew that they must have been driving for days.
"Clay." Clay looked at his Uncle Krauck. Surprisingly, there were tears in his eyes. "Your parents........"
"Something's happened to them, hasn't it?" Clay asked in a choked whisper. "They're dead, aren't they?"
Krauck shook his head. "Not dead. Missing. They were reported missing by their sector the day before the hut was attacked. There was only one way the attackers could have found us, and that's if your parents were tortured into telling them. Elliot told me that if that was to ever happen we were to send you to his brother's, Rios. He a scientist that lives on a ranch in California, United States Of America. They reserved your tickets. We'll be sending your stuff separately after you leave."
Now Clay realized that they had walked him into the terminal. "Good luck sweety." Aunt Mary said, kissing him on the forehead. Uncle Krauck shook his hand. "You'll be a great fighter one day." He said to him. Standing as straight as possible and trying not to shake, Clay hugged them both. He then swiped at his eyes, not wanting them to see the tears that were gathering. Finally, when they left, he turned and got in the line to enter his new life.

The hut shook, and Clay heard the clamber of movement. "Clay! Mary!" Uncle Krauck's voice shouted through the narrow hallways. He knocked Clay's flimsy door off its hinges, grabbing Clay by the hand and dragging him into the small living room. Clay was quickly joined by his Aunt Mary, and Krauck returned with a gun in his hand. Clay recognized it at once. It was the one he used to get rid of threatening animals on the Safari. Clay shuddered to think of why Uncle Krauck had it now.

"Go hide in the Hummer. Now." There was gruff roughness in his voice that Clay had never heard before. Aunt Mary, ignoring his protests and questions, ushered him outside.

She shoved him into the Hummer, pushing him into the floorboard. "Shut up, don't move, wait here." And she left.

Clay flinched several times in a row as gun-shots rang out. Screams and shouts erupted through the night, shrill cries of pain ripping through the sky. Clay somehow knew that a small war had erupted, over him. And Uncle Krauck and Aunt Mary weren't alone. There were other people, people Clay knew were friends of his parents, out there helping them fight off whatever was attacking.

Uncle Krauck returned alone. Aunt Mary arrived shortly after him. None of them spoke as Uncle Krauck started the ignition.

They drove. How far or how long Clay didn't know. The horizon was turning a fragile pink, wallabies and kangaroos coming out for the day, and Clay was just starting to fall asleep again.........

"C'mon. We're here." Aunt Mary's roughly shook him awake. Sleepily, he climbed slowly out of the Hummer.

They were at the International Airport. They lived the span of three United States states away from it, so Clay knew that they must have been driving for days. you might want to look at that

Good job keeping this suspenseful.

They lived the span of three United States states away from it, so Clay knew that they must have

The States vary a lot in size, so I'm not sure of how much distance is involved here. Really that's the only point I can think of right now.

like it's the span of of going across Texas, then Wisconsin, Then Tennessee. I just don't know how many miles that is.

Hey, sis. Here to review.

The first bomb struck at 12:00 midnight exactly. [Consider revising this to something like 'The first bomb struck at midnight, right on the dot.' Just a suggestion, of course.]

He sat up, [Omit comma] as another bomb lit up the Australian sky outside of the window. [I really like this line. It's a great mental image.]

"Clay! Mary!" Uncle Krauck's voice shouted through the narrow hallways. [Might want to move this to its own paragraph. It would read better. Also, consider changing 'shouted' to 'echoed,' or something like that. It would just pack a little more punch.]

"Go hide in the Hummer. Now." There was gruff roughness in his voice that Clay had never heard before. Aunt Mary, ignoring his protests and questions, ushered him outside. [Excellent line!]

How far or how long[,] Clay didn't know.

The horizon was turning a fragile pink, wallabies and kangaroos coming out for the day, and Clay was just starting to fall asleep again......... [Another really good line, but only three dots are necessary at the end of the sentence.]

Aunt Mary's roughly shook him awake.

Sleepily, he climbed slowly out of the Hummer. [Try to limit your use of words that end in -ly. They tend to slow down the story flow if used too much. For this sentence, consider something like 'He climbed out of the Hummer, going slowly because he was still half-asleep.' Just a suggestion, of course.]

"Good luck sweety." Aunt Mary said, kissing him on the forehead. [The period after 'sweety' should be a comma, because the dialogue flows directly into the speech tag.]

Overall, I really liked this! Good hook, jumped right into the action, left the reader wondering what the hell was going on. It was pretty well-written, but some of the dialogue and character interactions were a little stiff. Don't be afraid to loosen up and get creative with your exchanges. I didn't get a really strong first impression of Krauck, Mary, or Clay, but it's not so bad since this is a first chapter.
Well done, and keep up the good writing! I look forward to seeing what you do with this story.

Interesting. I wonder why everyone was fighting over him. This prologue made me wonder what was special about Clay that a mini war can happen over him.

I wonder what it will be like with Rios. I guess thats a lot of I wonders. Cannot wait to read the next chapter.

Looking forward to it!

Deanie x