Young Writers Society

There isn't a formula per se. I just find that it works better for everyone when prologue start us up to the point where the character is.

I'm going to have a lot of fun...mostly because I'm mad at my 11-year-old self for being so immature...*hides whoopee cushion behind back* *blabs on like 7th period math teacher* And that is why, my friends, you must never feed pop tarts to a bear.

'There is a dark underbelly to society that no one knows of. It is alive and fused with courage and sin.'

This line reminds me of a Green Day song(as does everything)...*hums* So therefore, the quote en quote dark underbelly of society that no one knows of is highly overrated. So perhaps something like 'There is a dark layer to society where few dare venture'. At least someting to that extent.

'Conceive this if you can:'

The following scene is a repeat of a part of a gangster movie. Whooooooo *twilight zone theme plays* I can concieveeeee this...so...maybe 'Conceive this:' Because I DEFINITELY can.

'It is not the sorcery you imagine, though.'

Ensuing description leads me to believe...yup...it is the sorcery I imagine. Sounds more cultish, but I can imagine it. Sarah, Sarah, you're underestimating your readers here! You need to pretend like we know everything (only for a story though, not for a report...PLEEEEEASE NOOO). We'll become more involved with the story if we have to figure everything out for ourselves.

'or calling upon the forces of Satan. It comes from the spirit.'

Drawing from this...*scratches head* the users of this magic use their spirit...but they're trying to get satan...so they have satanic spirits...so you need to emphasis the 'bad' part of it.

'We’ve saved you.'

That, I think is the coolest line within this piece. It's so simple...just remember, simplicity is sometimes a GOOOD thing...

*palmface* Of all my pieces on the entire site, Sam, you had to read this one! I'm completely finished with this and am probably never going to write any more! Thanks for your input, though, it makes sense. Though, in my defense, it doesn't have anything to do with gangsters!

*shrugs* Well, at least I'm happy. Got anything else?

What are you so happy about? Hehe...read "Remember Lanie" over in Romantic Fiction. It's a short story at the moment, but I really want to make it longer. Like...a novel...All input is good, but I'd really like conceptual critiques. How do you like the flow, the idea, the ending, the characters, etc. Thanks Sam! You rock my socks!

I didn't say anything stupid this time...or did I...DUN DUN DUN (rather than a year ago)

Anyway, I SHALL!

I voted no as well. Very well written, but there's nothing to grab the reader. It's something that could be said for thousands of dark fantasy or horror stories. For me to want to read on, the author needs to make it her own.

You're totally right, Rei. I think I did a better job on that with the other two parts. But like I told Sam, I'm not continuing with this, so, unless you just want to read it, (I think it's alright, personally...) there'd be no reason to critique it.

I'm hooked... grrrr... now I want to distroy you so I can read your brain... because you might be one of those people who never follows through with stories(like me) and I just can't take that chance...

OK I like it but you know what try something different than the normal fantasy Gene try like a person in modern days and being a sorcerer