-----Rated PG-13 for language -------
“There’s something wrong. Tell me. Caprice, you’ve got to. I can’t stand to see you like this.” He pulled her by her shirt sleeve so she sat down beside him. She didn’t look at him, only down at her feet. Her hands were folded in her lap. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. “Baby.” He said.
Caprice looked at him and as soon as their eyes locked, hers began to pour.
“ It’s just so hard to say.” She sobbed, and jumped to him, wrapping her arms around him. “I can’t hurt you, and I won’t lie to you.” She looked him in the eyes again. “The worst thing in the world to me is to see your face in pain.”
He was so confused. What was supposed to be a romantic afternoon picnic had quickly spiraled out of control and resulted in imminent tragedy.
“I think I understand.” His face remained stolid. In times of heightened emotional stress he always expressed little. But words never failed him. “So that’s it then.” He spoke rhetorically and looked away. He tried to calm his mind when he felt the tears coming, and gather his thoughts. But it was difficult this time.
“Don’t you want to know why?” She touched his hand. He moved it to her belly. He looked at her in the eyes, as he had thousands of times as they lay together amongst the sheets.
Caprice shook her head. “No, not that sweetie, don’t worry about that.”
“Then what?” He said. She started to look down again and he held her chin up so she looked at him. “Is there someone else?”
Her response was immediate. She buried her head in her hands and began to cry harder. The tears were running down his cheeks now too. His head felt strange as all the blood rushed into it. His heart beat harder than ever before. She looked up from her hands when she heard it thudding in his chest.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t go on lying to you, and this is the only way.” She went to hold him again and he stood up quickly. “Please don’t hate me. I don’t want…”
“Who is it?” He interrupted. His heart had slowed; he was once again in control of the great beast his fury held.
“It doesn’t matter.” Her eyes begged for forgiveness. She watched him study them. She felt a tear slip from her eyelid and tickle her cheek. It reminded her of his softest caress, and she began to cry harder again. He knelt down in front of her and put a hand on each of her shoulders.
“Who is it?” He said again. “I can accept fair enough that it’s over. I had already begun to accept it, until there was someone else.
The best way to end something like this, that’s five years long, is to end in happiness. When both partners accept things have run their course, and wish each other the best in the future. But I won’t be able to sleep if you don’t tell me who it is!” He stood up and backed away. “Please.”
“Clayton…The minstrel.” She looked up at him, the tears still streamed down her soft cheeks.
“When?”
“Last night.” Caprice hung her head and looked at her lap.
“When? After we spoke?” He could feel the anger building up inside him. All too many times he has had to suppress this rage inside him. Now he felt it stronger than ever before. She nodded her head. “What happened? You went over there?” She nodded again. “Why? What the fuck?”
“Well I wanted you to come see me! And I didn’t even talk to you until ten o’clock!” She began to say more but he stopped listening.
“What? So I couldn’t come, and you decided to go to him instead? Christ! We met him at the same time! It was only a fucking week ago!” He was so mad he could barely contain it. But he closed his eyes, and dropped his breathing.
“I don’t know how it happened. For so long I have had these doubts, I feel like we are just fading apart. Do you not feel it? God, I’m so sorry!” She got up and made to hug him, but he pushed her away.
“No, I won’t touch you again. It’s hard enough for me to even look at you.” He stared at her with his face of stone.
“Why?” Her face showed the purest form of despair. The way her complexion faded, and her expression changed into hopelessness. It made him understand she had given up. He knew Caprice had realized there was little or nothing left she could say to console or control her man.
“I am not a fool, so of course I realized our flame was flickering nearly out. But, the way you deceived me by going behind my back and.. and.. Well, did you fuck him?”
She shook her head. “No we only kissed.” She said as she stood in front of him, trying hard to keep her gaze on his. She hated this look on his face, because it was impossible to read.
“He didn’t?” He mimed cupping and squeezing a breast.
“No, I promise sweetie.” She grabbed his hand, held it there for a moment, and then he took it away.
He nodded and closed his eyes, apparently in deep thought. After a thirty-second pause he finally said, “So ten minutes after we spoke, when you said you loved me, and that you missed me and couldn’t wait to see me, you went to his house?” He looked at her again and fresh tears began to pour once more down her semi dry cheeks. “Did you stay there?”
She nodded. “We slept in different rooms, I promise. I was confused. I’m so sorry, please don’t hate me. I need more than anything to stay friends with you. You are the best friend I’ve ever had.” She pulled him into a tight hug he couldn’t get out of without flinging her across the room.
“You’ve ended this in the worst possible way. For the rest of my life I am going to be left wondering how much was even real. How do I know that last night was your only instance of promiscuity? I can’t trust you, and can not look you in the face without feeling hatred and resentment. And if you think that hurts you more than me, than your selfishness is even more terrible than I thought.” At this, the broken hero tugged at the red bandanna he had tied around his neck, loosening it off.
“Please,” Caprice started. “Keep that. It was a gift, and you look so cute with it on.” She tried to flash him a genuine smile but he didn’t acknowledge it.
He tugged the red fabric from around his neck, looked at Caprice again, and stuffed it into his back pocket. “I’ll bring it with me for now, but it will never see the light of day until I’m ready to forget about it. Until I’m ready to forget about you, and us, and everything we once were.” He turned and walked away.
She said nothing because there was really nothing to say. Last night she had kissed another man because she felt vulnerable. Because she finally experienced being with another man and not feeling guilty, she felt it okay to kiss someone who was not her partner. Because of her confused feelings, she claimed she wasn’t actually unfaithful. But to him, there was no greater deceit. No possible greater betrayal.
It was Caprice who threw away something special. He knew she regretted what she had done, at least she pretended she did well enough. But he had already made the decision that there was no role in his life for her anymore. Not lover, not friend.
So he left. He left her standing there, holding her self in the dark. He left her room, and grabbed his gun belt off her dresser. As he re-holstered, he slipped on his boots and hat, and opened the door outside. He turned and took one last look at the home he had come to think of as his own over five years, and walked off down the desolate dirt road. It was a thirty-mile walk to Merrington County, so he had plenty of time to think.
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