Young Writers Society

Hee hee. I'm not grossed out yet; c'mon Misty!

My only thing:

'lovemaking'

What sixteen-year-old uses that word? I mean, c'mon, that's what old white guys say. "Yes, I spent the night in lovemaking!" *gag* *choke* *barf*

Very nice. *whistles*

Wow. It's a creepy story.

"Pushing six feet before he was fourteen, with skin that tanned easily due to his partial native heritage and a romantic streak that came from his father’s Italian ancestry, Bryant was stunning."

This sentence is a little long, and long sentences can be confusing. Try to break it into two sentences.

"Starting his Junior year with an accumulative grade point average of 4.2, with a clean room, made bed and breakfast with all of the nutritional necessities, Bryant was perfect. As perfect as any sixteen year old could ever be. "

Again, the first sentence is a little long, try to break it up a bit.

"12:04.
She had been two minutes late for curfew."

This confused me a little. Is her curfew 12:02? Maybe if you said she was four minutes past curfew.

Other than those few mistakes, it was a good story. A good plot. Keep up the good work!

It was interesting, some parts I liked, others I didn't, but it was very well-written and the emotion came out to the reader very well. nice job

I thought this was pretty good.. It def. kept me reading, and that's a plus. Post more! (Haha).