Young Writers Society

Mathlete wrote:PROLOGUE



The cold night air was completely still as a hooded man rode up on his armored black stallion. The emerald ring on his finger glinted in the pale moonlight. Though he wore black steel soleretts on his feet, he made no sound as he jumped to the rock-strewn ground and approached the wooden wall of Hige Secal. Love the description!
Curse that foolish old man, he thought angrily as he stared [s]onward toward [/s] at the upright timbers towering in front of him. He abandoned his horse and continued through the open gate. “Stop,” shouted an old man, scrambling to get up from his rickety wooden armchair.
“I suggest that you let me pass,” he Okay, since there are two men here, it's hard to tell exactly which one is talking. Pronouns can get confusing so I suggest you either use his name, or maybe the man with the steel armour or something that sets him apart from the old man said, getting ir-ritated. “Or I will use force,” he continued, fingering the leather-covered hilt of his concealed estoc with a gloved hand.
“Get out of here or I’ll have to call the authorities,” the old man retorted sharply.
“It [s]was[/s] is unwise of you to waste my valuable time,” the hooded man muttered, drawing his weapon. The shining blade rang metallically as it slid smoothly from its scabbard. [s]With[/s] In one powerful movement, he swung his sword, severing the man’s head, proceeding to step over the lifeless corpse and continue on his way. This is a runon sentence. Split up your ideas. This is an important part so please don't rush through it. Stop after severing the man's head. Then describe how the lifeless body fell to the floor. Then say that the hooded man stepped over the dead corpse a look of disgust on his face. Then insert some thoughts like maybe "I hate it when people get in my way or something
He looked at his surroundings as he walked onward. A wide cobblestone street ran down the middle of the town, lined on either side by large cottages. Side streets periodically split off from the main avenue [s]one[/s], leading to dilapidated [s]more[/s] huts. At the end of the street was a magnificent wooden structure.
Two sets of steep stone steps led up from either side of the street to a flat foundation on which it was perched. The building was huge, at least half the width of the entire city. Intricate brass designs covered the rich brown wooden walls. In the front was an overhang supported by tall pillars, and underneath it were five arches which led into the building. In front of the center arch, which was by far the largest, was a wide fire-pit. A roaring bonfire blazed from within the hole [s]which contained a roaring bonfire[/s].
“Murder!” shouted a black-haired young man near-by. The hooded man glared up at him furiously. “Mur-,” the man’s second shout was cut short, for he began rocketing through the air, smashing into a thatch-roofed hut. Men and women stood watching what had happened, aghast. Two armored men rushed from a side street to see what had happened.
“You there,” one man hollered as he approached the hooded man, “stop right where you are!” When the hooded man ignored them, the two soldiers broke into a run. One drew a huge broadsword, while the second man pulled a long-shafted axe from a loop in his belt. When they were finally within striking distance, a large amount of jet-black smoke billowed up in front of them and the very earth on which they stood on began to sizzle.
Flames shot up from the ground, striking the two men down where they stood. Onlookers ran Where did they run too? be specific, seeing this, and small children began to cry. Scores of soldiers filed out of the five arches in the hall overlooking the city.
Archers pulled out tightly strung composite bows made from layers of mountain goat horn. Drawing broad-head arrows, they fired at the man. The volley of arrows sailed high in the air, nearing their target. The man raised a bony hand up in the air, and every single projectile stopped right where it was. With a flick of his wrist, he redirected them, sending them into the crowds of innocent people as they ran away, killing nearly half of them. Show us a little more of what's happening. How are the people running? Are they screaming? Is there blood? Be more specific.
Flames leaped from the huge bonfire, scorching the guards and burning them alive in their sweltering armor. Other flames traveled quickly to the flammable structures which filled the city, setting them ablaze. The hooded man stopped, surveying the burning city and raised his hand high in the air, waiting for the proper moment to give the signal.
He snapped his fingers ominously, and for a moment everything stood completely still. Expound on the idea of everything went still. Did time stop? Did silence echo through the city? Did people stop running? be specific Finally, the baying of a wolf broke the foreboding silence. Soon more and more joined in until dozens of wolves were howling. The man looked up toward the moon to see a gargantuan silhouette rise up on a steep rocky outcropping. Grizzly fur could be seen covering the body of the ferocious beast. Soon more and more followed until all at once they leaped down the slope, running at top speed toward the city.
Suddenly, a huge section of wall burst of pieces, letting in the brutal creatures. They were huge, taller than a fully grown man, and two razor-sharp canine fangs could be seen, protruding from their mouths. They sprinted through the city at unimaginable speed, devouring villagers alive before they even had a chance to scream. Even the expertly trained soldiers were no match for the evil beasts.
The hooded man looked to the side, finally seeing the cottage he had been searching for. He slowly walked toward it, drawing his sword. He continued, oblivious to the burning door frame, into the house. Finally, this was his chance. The room looked completely empty except for a straw pallet and a wooden cradle filled with old rags. He approached it, raising his sword and ready to strike.
He looked arrogantly into the cradle, [s]to see that it was empty[/s]. His eyes opened wide, full of rage. He had come to all of this trouble, carefully planning each and every move he had made, all for nothing. He screamed, throwing a ball of orange flames at empty cradle.