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Young Writers Society


My lady, we need you. [chapter2]



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Gender: None specified
Points: 1090
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Fri May 02, 2008 2:02 pm
happybear says...



*Chapter 2*

Hannah and her mother quietly piled into the car. Neither mother nor

daughter knew what to say. So many thoughts floated around Hannah's

head. Most were terrifying thoughts of her stalkers, but some were less

vivid and consisted of ‘how strange it felt not walking to ‘Carla’s diner’ as

she did every Friday to meet her mom and eat a happy, easy going Friday

night dinner. As these thoughts passes silently through her mind each


leaving their own scar, she watched the scenery slowly melt away. The

farther the car went the more curious she became in the habitat out her

window and the less she dwelt on the heavy thoughts.


‘Where is he?’ She thought to herself. People and places she had always

known paced by with out a sign of either her original or new stalker. ‘I see

you standing in those spots every day! Where did you go?’ Hannah didn’t

know whether she should be disturbed or exuberant that he was not

following her tonight. Any reasons she could think of for his absence

seemed either to good to be true or hardly possible.


“Hannah you’re watching the streets like a vulture. Is he out there?” Her

mother asked breaking the silence that had engulfed the car.


“No ma’am, I can’t find him anywhere, and I haven’t got a clue why.” She

answered her voice disturbed. She never once took her eyes off the familiar

streets.


He mom sighed. “Honey, If he’s really not out there we shouldn’t be

concerned. If God has lifted a burden you shouldn’t be standing under it

waiting for it to drop. Let’s enjoy our night with out the worries that man

brings.”


“Yes ma’am.” Hannah smiled she loved her mom and her queer way of

putting things into perspective. So for the rest of the evening she did just

as her mother had said. From the time they pulled up at the shabby old

building, through ordering and eating their food, she never once thought of

him or the new stalker. Instead, she shared many boisterous laughs and

smothered giggles with her loving mom. It was such a blessing knowing

that a stranger’s eyes were not boring down her back and no longer having

to wonder why. The relief came quickly like the relief of bricks off your back

and it continued for a whole week. From Saturday to Thursday life was the

best she had known it for nearly a year.

But then on Friday afternoon Hannah was packing her dance bag to leave

for her weekly hip-hop class, and her eyes fell on a sight that made her

spine tingle and the hairs on the back of her neck stand. The stalker was

back. From her bed room window she could see his he was standing his

back to her, at the far corner of her house. She looked closer.


“That’s not the normal one.” She whispered out loud. “That’s the one with

the truck, oh no! Not him! I hate him worse then the other!” She

complained, her voice growing increasingly louder. Hannah turned and

stuffed the last remaining things into her open dance bag. Not caring to

close it, she dashed out of her room, down the hall and out the back door.

As quietly as she could she ran through her yard and onto the street. She

stayed as close to the bushes that lined the side walk as she could. She

would NOT let him see her. It was only five blocks from the dance studio to

her downtown house and she knew that if she could just get off her street

before he discovered she had left the house she’d be home free.

After several grueling moments and quick prayers, Hannah sprung from

leafy cover that she had been pressing against and flew across the street as

fast as her legs could carry her hoping beyond hope he wasn’t looking that

way at that moment. Her feet hit the opposite side walk but she didn’t stop

she rounded the corner and kept running.

She was two streets down before she finally slowed down and dared to look

behind her. He wasn’t there. She let out a huge sigh of relief, maybe he

hadn’t seen her.

Hannah maintained a faster than normal walk as she checked her dance

bag to make sure all the contents were still there and zipping it up.

She looked up at the dance studio that she was rapidly closing in on.

Already she could make out the parking lot and a few of the cars that were

in it. A small smile of victory spread over her lips.


At the fast pace she was going, Hannah found herself at the parking lot in

record time. She was normally one of the first to arrive and today was no

exception in fact; today there were fewer cars then usual. Hannah didn’t

stay out in the open parking lot for long. She never slowed her pace until

she was in the building with the door firmly closed behind her.


“Hannah? Look at you your all sweaty and red-cheeked. Did you run

here?” A girl, who was sitting in chair putting on her dance shoes, asked

curiously. Hannah closed her eyes and sank into the chair next to the girl.


“Jogged, I jogged here.” She answered her eyes still closed.


“Why? It’s not like you need the exercise or anything!” A different girl

asked.


“It’s a long story.” Hannah replied opening her eyes and lethargically

retrieving her bag.


“Well, were here for awhile waiting for the rest of the class to come.” A girl

added walking into the little, chair-lined hall way. Hannah sighed and

looked the three in the eyes each staring back patiently waiting for her to

explain.


“Alright, last week a man tried to harass me…”


“I hate the creepy guy! He is always following you!” The blond, who was

sitting in front of her, interjected.


“No this time it was a different man.” Hannah corrected her voice tiered.


“Wait! There are now two of them!” The girl, who was sitting beside her,

asked forcefully


“Yes, I’m afraid so…” Hannah paused unsure if she could or should

continue.


“Hannah, keep going!” The blond requested.


“Well, today I saw him again he was standing at the edge of my house. He

acted as if he was there to keep me from leaving. Well naturally I was

terrified and I ran.”


“Did you call your mom and tell her?” The third girl asked.


“No, I didn’t even think about it.” Hannah admitted slowly


“Hannah! You should’ve…” The girl stopped as a group of girls walked in

laughing and chattering noisily. Hannah sighed relieved she knew that for

the next ten minutes it would be a loud roar of happy voices, and there

would be no way they could continue their conversation.

The noise only increased as more and more young teenage girls poured

into the studio. Hannah soon relinquished her seat and ventured to the

dance room were she smiled heartily at Mrs. Yankivish.


“Hello!” She called cheerily to her teacher as she dropped her bag in the

corner were a large pile of brightly colored dance bags were already

accumulated.


“Hi! You ready Miss Hannah?” The teacher asked cheerfully as she

rummaged through a stack of CD’s


“Yes ma’ am!” she replied just a chipper as her teacher.


‘Well then I think it’s time to start!” The lady said placing a CD into the

disk tray and grabbing the remote.

Once she turned the music on all the girls hurried in and found their spots

on the dance floor. It was time to start. For the next hour and a half they

rehearsed. Even though it was safe she still couldn’t shake that feeling in

the back of her mind that some he was waiting for her, watching and

waiting. She shoved the thoughts away as best as could. Each time they’d

worm their way back into her head. And all through out the lesson they

tormented her, causing her to be less focused as she normally would be.


At the end of the lesson she didn’t talk to her teacher or anyone she

couldn’t stop thinking about how badly she just wanted to get home and go

again to ‘Carla’s Dinner’.

Her mind kept coming back again, and again to the thought he, who ever

he was, was out to get her.


‘I want to get home! I want to be with my mom and I want it to be over!’

Her thoughts screamed inside her. It was agonizing. Completely

preoccupied Hannah swept up her bag and rushed out the front door. A

quick survey told her that neither of her stalkers were in the parking lot or

immediately on the street. For now she was safe. Confidently, she stepped

off the curb and hiked home. At every corner she stopped and observed

and each time she deemed it safe. Even on her street there was no one out

of the ordinary. But she failed to notice the shabby old pick up that was

parked three drive ways down on the opposite side of the street. She

skimmed over it, not realizing what it was until she had her hand on the

front door knob. There it dawned on her.


‘That truck that wasn’t…’ She turned and in horror she realized it WAS his

truck. Suddenly she remembered what her friend had said “Did you call

your mom?” She had asked.


‘My mom, I have to call her!’ Hannah thought desperately. She turned the

knob and shoved the door open. Suddenly a lean but strong arm grabbed

her around her neck. She tried to scream but she couldn’t as the intruder

held her tightly. Tears streamed down her face. Her vision turned red, then

black. She feebly clawed the arm with useless fingers as her life faded from

her. She was drifting. She couldn’t hold on.

‘God’ she weakly called through her fading thought, and then she knew

know more...
Last edited by happybear on Sat May 03, 2008 8:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1049
Reviews: 46
Fri May 02, 2008 4:09 pm
Mrs Elizabeth Darcy says...



Oooooh, creeeeepy :)

I think what you need to do is quit capitalizing after a quotation, and when you describe how some one said something, put a comma.
Example:

“Hannah, you’re watching the streets like a vulture. Is he out there?” her

mother asked, breaking the silence that had engulfed the car.

“No ma’am, I can’t find him anywhere, and I haven’t got a clue why,” she

answered, her voice disturbed.

Also, watch out! you keep leaving off the periods at the ends of sentences. And at the end of a quote, unless it's a question or an exclamation or the end of the whole sentence, put a comma. It doesn't feel right at first, but eventually it becomes natural. :D

These stalker guys freak me out! :shock: *shudder* You have a freakily great imagination, happy!!!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife.
Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 1
  








I’ll paraphrase Thoreau here... Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness, give me truth.
— Christopher Johnson McCandless