Young Writers Society

This is only the start of my story...but...its about a young girl who's thrown into a war caused by man who decides he wants to take over the united states(yes itll never happen)...the year is in 2010,the not so distant future
Chapter One
My name is Victoria Hendrix and im 18. During my life i have seen more than you can imagine and more, My world was suddenly changed the day Timonthy James attacked the united states in an attempt to take over. I was 16 at the time and had no cares in the world, i was like every 16 year old. I wanted my licence, hung out with my buddies and couldnt wait to grow up. Well let me begin, two weeks before my 17th birthday on september 15th was the day timonthy attacked. I was living with my uncle Miceal at the time and he was an united states air force pilot. Hey V, I looked up. Yeah. Could you hand me those gloves beside you,he asked in a hurry because he was already ten minutes late. I located the gloves and handed them to him. Are you going to be ok for a couple of hours, he asked. Of course, im not 12 years old anymore, i replied with a hint of sarcasim to my voice. He looked at me and said, yeah i know your not and you never let me forget it. I laughed, you had better go before your any later...(im going to quit here...im at school and the bells about to ring...i write when i can but let me know what you think) bye hope you enjoy

I can't read this. It needs some editing. Here is an edited version.
Chapter One

My name is Victoria Hendrix and I'm 18. During my life I have seen more than you can imagine. My world was suddenly changed the day Timothy James attacked the United States in an attempt to take over. I was 16 at the time and had no cares in the world, I was like every 16 year old. I wanted my license, hung out with my buddies and couldn't wait to grow up.

Two weeks before my 17th birthday on September 15th was the day Timothy attacked. I was living with my uncle Michael at the time. He was a pilot in the United States Air Force.
"Hey V," I looked up.
"Yeah?"
"Could you hand me those gloves beside you," he asked in a hurry. He was already ten minutes late. I located the gloves and handed them to him.
"Are you going to be OK for a couple of hours," he asked.
"Of course, I'm not 12 years old anymore," I replied with a hint of sarcasm to my voice. He looked at me.
"Yeah I know you're not and you never let me forget it." I laughed.
"You had better go before your any later," I said.

Please study the changes. I crave more knowledge on this Timothy guy. Names really mean nothing without some detail. Remember, the Spell Check function is here now, which will make things a lot easier on both of us.

Thanks...i only had a little time to type it all in...but thank you for correcting me...im new to this site so im not sure what everyone likes but ill keep that in mind.

this is a good start, remember to keep in mind how this timothy man will affect her; giving your story an unexpected plot twist around the time when you find out about timothy will probably keep the readers hooked, and ready for more.

Hey Jade! Well, as I told you before I like it but there are some errors...I agree with Griffinkeeper. And even though it's okay to start a story that way...there is nothing wrong with it but I am just saying that maybe it would be better to start in a different way...I dunno...can't wait to read more. By the way, where did you post the start of your other story?

There will be unexpected twist to this timonthy guy it wont involve timonthy but the person is in someway conacted to timonthy...i can say who right now...youll have to figure that one out later

Cool! Can't wait!

im with kay kay, this wil probably turn out well. do you have any estimates as to when you will post more of your story?

Jade-

I think you have a great book and idea in the making. It just needs a few corrections and plot twists as you said and it'll turn out great. Can't comment much on this since it's so short but I'll be sure to read your next post. Hope it turns out okay!