Hi, this is my first ever attempt at writing fiction, really enjoying it so far! As I lack experience in writing all feedback would be appreciated. Also I'm aware I haven't reviewed much work yet, new to all this so if you would like me to read your work I would love to.
Ok here goes...
Shaki Okafur glanced hesitantly towards his partner and friend Imu Aguda as they strode up the broken muddy path. They were frustrated, exasperated and becoming desperate. Their previously immaculate black shoes no longer shone as they had before, their expensively woven suits were far out of place in this rough, filthy landscape. Yet these were the least of their worries. They were experiencing feelings that after years in the job they had become unfamiliar with. Their usual air of superiority had been replaced by an unnerving sensation of unrest and tension. They weren’t used to this, and they certainly didn’t like it.
“Boss what are we doing here?” Imu asked in his thick African accent, Shaki looked away considering for a moment, What are we doing here?
“Our job”, he managed to finally answer.
Truly he didn’t know. He had considered the same question far too many times. Never had a job caused him so much doubt. He ran a large hand over his lower face, rough and unshaven; he cursed silently, he could barely remember a time when he hadn’t been clean-shaven. What have I become? A defenseless women, next I’ll be killing children. The fact that he and Imu had been chosen for this job itself highlighted the importance that they get this done. No other crew would have been trusted with this, in fact that had been made crystal clear to them. Shaki and Imu’s continued tendency to get things done with little fuss had firmly established themselves as the “Go to guys”. Combined they formed an efficient unit they were ruthless but effective.
A bead of sweat formed on Shakis brow it grew heavy and slid down his face. He wasn’t comfortable with this, he was no monster.
“Im not sure I can do this boss”, Imu whispered from behind him, Shaki glared back, he had never seen weaknesses in Imu, he realized it angered him.
“We have no choice, you know that as well as I”, Shaki grumbled. He took a deep breath gazing at the cottage that faced him. The cottage seemed old and shabby, yet peaceful. The garden was well kept, the lawn had been neatly trimmed it shone a dazzling green in the lazy afternoon sun. It was also packed with flowers, their sweet scent rushed upon Shaki as he drew nearer. It was such a beautiful scene but the deed that was to take place here was far from beautiful.
Shaki pressed on towards the house his heart heavy with despair. He pulled his handgun from his holster and switched the safety off, he was greeted by the familiar soft click yet this time it felt wrong.
“Imu, take the rear,” Shaki commanded
‘Boss we cant do this, this isn’t right”, Imu begged, his fierce dark eyes radiating defiance, great bags lined his eyes. Shaki stared right back at the man who was without question his closest friend. He hasn’t been sleeping either.
“We have to, I wont hear any more Imu” Shaki answered softer.
“Concentrate now”.
With that Imu skirted round the back of the cottage hand gun drawn. Shaki now at the front door tentatively reached for the handle. It was ice cold to touch despite the heat of the day. Or was he just imagining the cold. A cruel chill swept over him. He lightly put pressure on the door; it obliged willingly opening all to welcomingly for him. Here goes Shaki thought.
Stepping lightly into the house something became immediately apparent to Shaki, the house was bare, almost unlived in. It was a startling contrast from what was apparent from the outside. The obvious care taken for the houses appearance clearly halted once you’d got inside. Perhaps she doesn’t have many visitors Shaki decided. He scanned the empty walls, the usual family photos were nowhere to be seen, all that greeted Shaki was torn wallpaper and a rotten damp smell. Will this make it easier? When it comes down to it, I wont have to look up to photos of her family looking distraught their eyes full of hateful accusations. Shaki pressed on hand gun outstretched poised to fire. He shuffled through to the next room, aware that his footsteps were far to loud in the dense silence of the house. Again he was faced with emptiness, the next room empty again. She wasn’t here, Shaki breathed a deep sigh of relief.
Why are you pleased Shaki you fool, this wont end here, for deep down he knew this was far from over. This would only end once Shaki delivered her dead body. It was this thought that Shaki couldn’t quite shake.
Thanks Ben
Gender:
Points: 571
Reviews: 29