Pandoras Box

Have you ever been hated? Okay well that's a dumb question. We have all definitely felt hate. But not like this small innocent girl. Well kind of innocent, in a weird way. Her name makes people hate her for one but there's another reason. That you have to wait to find out. It's a different way than you might thing.

CHAPTER ONE

Pandora ran fast down the side walk. Her feet slid on the slush the cool air whipping her face. The laughter behind her caused her to breathe faster and push her legs harder. She pivoted her right leg quickly twisting her body and ran across the road. Her foot hit ice and she slipped hitting the cold pavement hard. She lifted her head and felt something trickle off her lip. She spit and looked down and saw blood. Her black her curled around her face. She pushed her self up quickly barely keeping a hold of her shoulder bag. She darted over to the next side walk. She jumped over the bushes through the random yard and under the branches of low trees. Pandora ran through the woods. She heard the footsteps behind her still. Why were they doing this? Why me? she begged for answers in her head. Pandora heard a river up ahead and had only one thought. She dropped her bag and ran faster than her legs could handle. She looked at the raging river, the white and blue twisting together. She inhaled deeply and heavily. Closing her eyes she ran toward the rapid water and she leaped into the cold icy water. As the water rushed over her head that feeling came again. The warmth of anger, adrenaline. That laugh rang in her head again. The feeling of that warm red liquid running over her hands. The feeling of the blade slicing through them. she didn't mean to. She gasped her head coming out of the water away from the horrible memories. She looked around trying to see past her hair. The water got louder and the current got stronger. Kicking hard and flailing her arms she tried to swim. But before she could get away from anything the water flung her over the edge. For once she tried to scream. As her body slammed into the hard rocks her mind went black.

"Why?" someone whispered behind her. She turned to see her sister. "Why did you kill me?" Se screamed. Pandora's eyes started to water.

"Yes sweety," her mom spoke calmly. "Why?"

"You know I didn't do it on purpose!" Pandora screamed. "You knew I had problems with what you were doing to me!" Pandora kept screaming. "why did you put me in therapy? I didn't need it. That lady accused of what you caused. What they caused." She couldn't stop screaming. "You made it happen! This is your fault. Why was I born? You made me!"

"Maybe we didn't want to!" Her father screamed. Their dead eyes piercing her but not bothering her. "You were a mistake!" Those word ripped at her. Only because she knew it was true. Her parents told her that constantly. Tears of fear, tears of anger, tears of hate, and tears of pain trickled off her face. She fell to her knees as her family kept yelling.

"I didn't mean to..." she murmured through the tears. "I didn't mean to!" she screamed. The scream echoed through her head as she woke up. "I didn't mean to..." She mumbled. She heard crackling, as if fire. She looked over to see a small flame. In a fireplace. She was in a house.

"Pandora darling" A mans voice came from across the room. "You're awake..."

Hey, Caitlin here to review your story. It's definitely interesting, and I feel that it could develop into something interesting and unique. Now, let me see...
First off, I don't think you need that whole intro before chapter one. It's kind of confusing, and your story will draw people in better if you just start with 'Pandora ran fast down the sidewalk.'

Gingergoesrawr wrote: Her feet slid on the slush the cool air whipping her face. The laughter behind her caused her to breathe faster and push her legs harder. She pivoted her right leg quickly twisting her body and ran across the road. Her foot hit ice and she slipped hitting the cold pavement hard. She lifted her head and felt something trickle off her lip. She spit and looked down and saw blood. Her black her curled around her face. She pushed her self up quickly barely keeping a hold of her shoulder bag. She darted over to the next side walk. She jumped over the bushes through the random yard and under the branches of low trees.

all of this is really confusing to me. In some places you're missing punctuation and things like that. Also, you start every sentence with 'she' or 'her' and it gives this a very repetitive feel. Maybe try something along these lines:
'Her feet slipped on the slushy ground as cool air whipped around her face. Laughter from behind caused her to push her legs even harder, and her breath started coming faster. Making a sharp turn, Pandora crossed the street, but before she was in the clear, she slipped and fell hard on ice.' etc.
Also, to give it less of a 'i'm listing her actions' feel, try to put some of her thoughts in their too. describe how tired her legs were, how she struggled to stay upright on the slush, how the laughter caused fear to pound through her. Things like that would really help.

Otherwise, there's not much to say. This is definitely something I'm interested in reading more about, especially since the plot is so different from the normal thing.

Hello, Ginger!

This is a very interesting story, and I like it. =) Like Caitlyn said, I only really notice typos, punctuation, and capitalization errors.

Pandora ran fast down the side walk. Her feet slid on the slush the cool air whipping her face.

I think those should be re-worded. I'm thinking it would flow better if you took out and replaced some words, and maybe combined the two sentences?

Maybe something like...

Pandora ran down the side walk, her feet sliding on the slush and the cool air whipping at her face.

It would just flow better and make it easier to read if it was something more like that. =)

Her foot hit ice and she slipped, hitting the cold pavement hard.

Add the comma there. ^_^ I think for most of that paragraph you just need to reword parts of it for it to make more sense and make it easier to read. Like I said before, other than rewording you just need to do a spell and punctuation check.

Overall, I like the story and I'm intrigued. I look forward to reading more of this and more of your other pieces.

Good luck!

~Eris

Hey great beginning! I love how it immediately drags you into the story and I can't wait for the next chapter!

The only problems I see is the descriptions of the setting, I just want to imagine how everything looks like and everything. But that's not bad at all and can't wait for the next chapter!